Fresh Code

Work Tales – honestly speaking, I am struggling, I am being overwhelmed, I cannot manage and I am not being able to cope. I wonder how Jonas used to deal with all of this. Moving aside the boredom & the routines that I have to endure everyday, I try to sustain that motivation, trying to do more, to deliver more, to contribute more, to achieve more, to accomplish more, to share more – but it seems more futile as my efficiency is not there, I am moving backward, I get de-motivated easily and lacking of sharpness :) Where did I go wrong? How I could get everything so wrong?

Nonetheless – first of all, I’m definitely keen to finish the season. I know that I need to have a change of job scope. Perhaps, it's the portfolio, not the industry itself. Procedurally; the team, the system, the process, everything is fine for everyone except for me. Perhaps, the problem is ME. I am keen to finish the season as high as possible, put together a very strong campaign as best I could, finish it off as strong as possible and going into the next season with good momentum. The question is whether there will be a next year? :) I’ve made some mistakes; I was incompetent in some areas. But I feel that mistake, everybody can make. To have the guts to own it? Unfortunately, not all has it, but fortunately I did. I will face Leonardo sooner or later and I know that it will be a very uncomfortable for the both of us because I have underachieved. Me; as a buyer, as an employee. We need to find out what the reasons are and then it’s for Leonardo, hopefully with me, to decide how to go forward. The point is that I have indeed underachieved; I have not delivered my best, given my best performance that I used to, I was not in my usual old form…and I have to take up the responsibility. Leonardo certainly feels that I have made the category even worse than before, the category have no clear direction, the category is even messier than before, it is in a much dire state compare to Jonas’s era. The ultimate decision is also both mine and Leonardo’s. Leonardo has to decide whether to make a move for another new buyer to replace me. It’s about making sure the department move forward and put right some of the things that were wrong this year.

Of course, it also fell below on my own expectations. I also wish that I could contribute a little bit more. It is indeed my worst disastrous season ever. All of a sudden, I feel that I am back into the very first square where I began to hate my life, hate working, hate people, hate everything. I felt that as an individual – I’ve just got worst and worst. I am going through the moment where everything is totally meaningless. These are the days when nothing seems to go right, and I am being overwhelmed by circumstances that I cannot control. A writer once said - If the outlook is grim, try looking up. And that is a little bit of truth in there - what are the problems in this world compared to the majesty of creation? We can walk into the office and feel trapped by the 'same-old-same-old' feeling yet if we look up to the sky, we realise that we have new blessings every morning. If our heart is in the right place, it will yield blessings that we may not even anticipate.

The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times...the best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi :)