Work Tales – I have hit rock bottom :( I am de-motivated, the morale is very low at the moment, I feel like a loser, I’m hopeless & useless – I have pressed the panic button, I have raised the white flag – but no aid came. Leonardo also could not be bothered. I think this is because The General wants to re-structure the SCM level – thus there are a 50 – 50 chances that Leonardo will no longer be my boss. I am just alone, all by myself, like an orphan, an unwanted child, an abandoned child. I am not making any contributions since my arrival, I delivered zero results since I arrive, things have been spiraling out of control – my time in GE13 has been a major disaster! It reminds me of SAM25. And now the worst part is that I am talking nonsense and delivering craps. Imagine that – a 31 years old person, a graduate, an Australian graduate, a former Division Manager. The frustrations with the French was that I keep working and working on things but the results were not there…here, the things I did with its outcome, it makes me feel stupid and lacking of confidence. The worst part was on last week Wednesday. Every Wednesday, all of the buyers have to present what they want to advertise in the next leaflet promotion. It was the worst day of my life. I gave stupid answers in front of The General and the 4 SCMs. Everything was rejected, everything was being questioned. Why advertise this item when on a normal daily basis it can be sold so well? Why compromise on the margin where as the sales increment is insignificant?
Duh!! This is to meet the 1200 units and RM20,000 value criteria which The General have set earlier. I understand that the Anniversary Theme means good bargains items. However on my side, I have no leftover Raya stocks to sell. Majority of my aging stocks are Christmas merchandise; which is also too early to put them out. I know that some questions that was thrown at me; I gave very stupid answers. Answers that have no logic, contradicting and outright embarassing. I was just so upset that I lashed out a little at them. I told them – “I apologized if I have failed in doing this but I am really struggling every week to do this leaflet. I find it totally pointless. I am currently doing my range review right now. I am looking at my competitors, especially the English. They hardly have any leaflet on Stationery items anymore. They only advertise A4 photocopy papers. Is there a reason behind it?” I know that I should not have said it. I probably have made The General lose its face in front of all of the SCMs and I also can feel that lately I’m being put under cold storage at the moment. Probably, all of them see me as someone who is lazy, no initiative and making up pathetic excuses. Gosh, the days are getting more frustrating and hard to endure in the office :(
GOD – where are you?
Now – is the time to figure out what kind of work that I want to do and I love to do. What I am good at? What makes me feel alive? What do I dream about? I already have the answers to that. I read an article somewhere…it takes about 10 years after graduating to find the right job fit and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So, in other words, meaning – I only have another 2 more years to do that. Because there will comes a time when finances and schedules will make this a little bit trickier. So, whatever I want to do…I have to try it now, apply for it now, get it going now and do it now. I regret a little that upon graduating in 2005, thereafter; I didn’t do much. I mean, my life at that time was just about learning and growing within my work area – I did not take a step outside from it. I didn’t go back to school (even though it was part of my plan to do a graduate diploma & later on an MBA), work for almost nothing, live & work in another country (i’m too old already to apply for a holiday working visa now), volunteer long hours for something that moves me or switch directions completely. I didn’t use the past 8 years of my life to try new things, take classes, start over :(
I have to be patient, don’t too rush into things and be prayerful. Well, at least, I should be grateful that I know what I want to do now and I have been praying specifically for it. The article also goes on to say that when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find GOD and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. And then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs that they hated, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated from college.
The article ends with a very strong closing. A reminder to me actually - don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about GOD this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?” Now is your time. Become, Believe, Try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that GOD is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.
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