(i am never real; it is just a sketch of me)

I can’t get a perspective. I need to get a perspective. I’m not sure whether the decision that I made today is right or wrong. But I am a good person, an honorable person – therefore I will not walk away. And besides it’s not that scary after all – I think. Somebody told me this – keep your hopes high but expectations low. You live a happier life.

MATRIX

Was down at Cineleisure yesterday morning to catch the movie 300 with Trix, Damian & Miss Klein. The movie was visually stunning even though it was two-dimensional, black & white and of course blood red in color. It’s very arty - arms are severed like poetry in mutilation. Dreamlike, decapitated heads fly. Murderous rampages play out like balletic dances, the blood spurting artily in slow motion. The movie begins with an insight into the Spartan way of life. Newborns are judge to be robust or puny. It’s very sad that the losers are left to die in the mountains. It’s even more unfair that they don’t have the chance to live. They may not be warriors but I am sure that they can contribute to their country one way or the other. The babies that are deem worthy of sparing meanwhile live a life of brutalized childhood, handed over to the state to be toughened, punished, made to fight and finally left themselves in the wilderness against saber-toothed wolves – the making of children armies. Only the hardiest & bravest may call himself a Spartan.
In this movie, their war techniques are impressive but their fighting style is not as stylish as the Chinese Kung Fu but there are so many body fleshes to be seen – bronzed beefy men that flaunt their perfect washboard abs, pecs and biceps :) The ladies will enjoy it! The battle of Thermopylae where the Spartans clashed with the Persians was funny at times. It just that the King of kings; Xerxes has a collection of army freaks - towel-headed middle-easterners, masked ninja-like fighters, 10 foot tall Cyclops, machete-armed mutants, evil rhinos and stampeding elephants. Overall, it’s a simple story; the only memorable character is King Leonidas with his strong leadership approach – which all managers in the business world should practice. Nonetheless the fighting spirit of the Spartans, their loyalty, their commitment, their thing for the beautiful death – that is admirable. I love movies with strong characters. Strong characters always save a movie :)

We also met Rina Omar! Rina Omar! The cili padi host of ‘8tv Quickie’ and ‘Trippin’ was at the flea market at The Curve :)

‘Everybody’s at war with different things…I’m at war with my own heart sometimes’ – Tupac Shakur.

I am but a tiny speck in this world

I missed the first interview. And once the CNY was over, I didn’t call back or email to fix for an appointment for the second interview. I just couldn’t be bother, not like Tommy who immediately keeps in touch with the secretary to arrange for the date. My actions were considered rude. The British structure is already cramp to the max, deep down; I know that I have a zero chance of surviving. I’m at the bottom of the hierarchy – how am I going to compete with people like Aurora, Joachim, Guillermo, Juan, Seth, Pietro, Thor, Celtic and the rest. Then to my surprise and everyone else’s, I was called for the second interview on last week Friday. They went huh?? Why would they interview that small fly for? We are mighty and could have swapped her off the radar?
My would-be director, my would-be manager and a HR Specialist (that was specially flown in from the UK for this integration process) came to meet me. I was not intimidated by them, as a matter of fact; I was damn ready for them. There was a vacancy and they think that I am suitable to fill in that position. Technically, it’s a promotion - without an upgrade to my current package :( I got a very good feeling that they want me to fill in that position.
But I have made my decision. It’s just not worth it; the arrangement doesn’t motivate nor tempt me to drive all the way to their base. People will start gossiping on how stupid my decision will be, how foolish I am to let go of this golden opportunity, what an idiot to refuse such an offer, why so impatient and then I will have people who will come up to me and start talking me out of it like Lucius did.

(Deep breath) It’s hard to let go. The category is my baby, I nurture it and now I’m seeing results. The rewards are so fruitful :) It was a dirty old playground when I was given the assignment, I was the architect – I put in new fixtures, I paint bright colors, I did the hardscape & softscape…of course it has not reach cash cow status, but you can see that it was a piece of work where so much of hard work and effort were put into it. Those are my achievements to be proud of so far. If the British have not bought over M13 last year, I would be able to have all the time in the world to execute all of the pending projects to grow the category. I’m really going to miss all of these very much. I am enriched for having been raised in such an environment; despite the imperfections but that doesn’t mean that I’m obliged to stay. It’s time I have to earn my own way in another path and I won’t be expecting any free handouts as usual.

I have been a miserable little lump all week, feeling bare & sore – which is not a good thing at all. A friendly reminder to myself - continue to have passion for life and passion for the small, simple, everyday happyness. Right at the top of the menu is to eating healthier, being more active, focusing on reducing stress in your life, spending more time with friends and family, having fun and basically enjoying the everydayness of life. The things that count most, I guess :)

Brought to You In Living Colors

All the CNY formalities are done with and life normality has kicked back in :)
CNY was spent hanging out at home, at cousin’s place, attended an open-house session at a very posh Desa City Park’s residential area (the houses just reminds me of Perth & Mandurah – they have a very good sized backyard – good for parties!), girly shopping and watching ‘Ghost Rider’ – nice special effects, simple story line and a very boring Nicholas Cage.
Hang out at Juan’s pad – Tommy, Nikolai, Damian & Pierre Andre was in da’house – and so was Julian :) Juan was a culinary goddess! The Japanese Udon and the Pamelo Salad was heaven! We were so so lucky that we have Juan who loves cooking. And eating. And experimenting with food & recipes of all cultures. And love entertaining & throwing parties too; if Juan is in the mood. The place later was turn into a gambling den, smokes from the ciggies fill up the room, glasses of whiskey coke was everywhere and I make a RM10 profit :) Tommy was the best gambler of the day – with a RM1 capital, Tommy wins RM45 – money from Juan, Nikolai and Damian :)

This week Damian & Wyatt drop da’bomb. I am just speechless.

Yesterday had dinner at LOGENHAUS Roast & Grill – Trix & Seth’s joint birthday. We sipped red wine courtesy of Damian. Devoured our dinners. My grill salmon and oyster with mozzarella cheese was scrumptious. So was the escargot, the brownies, the ice cream with smarties toppings and all the fancy nibbles that were on our table. There was a really nice vibe in the place. So much of yummy food. The night was very funny with Torres & Amadeo around, chatty and down to earth. We all knew each other, so it was really cool to catch up with the crowd.

Tonight, Boss is having an open house and we are all invited. We haven’t seen Boss for ages and we really can’t wait for Boss to come back.