Sunday, December 30, 2007

Heroes And Thieves

Received a surprised-unexpected Christmas parcel from Troy :)
There was a nice blue color baby top, a silver pendant, a RED undie and 3 love letters!

Coffee Bean – Celtic, Wyatt, Damian, Trix, Eloise, Stavros and myself.
It’s been a while since I’ve shown my face around the industry social scene. I know heaps of people from all over the place, and I love catching up with them. I love hearing all the latest news and gossips, who’s working where, who’s doing what, who’s started their own business, who’s out of business, who has left in search of greener pastures. Despite the familiarity of it all, I still felt quite "out of it”.

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
Cause it’s not my fault
I know I’ve been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I’m in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you’ve found that lover
You’re homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain.

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To Be A Better Man

- Robbie Williams: Better Man -

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

the moment

My Christmas consisted of -

Christmas Eve Dinner.
Christmas Day Breakfast.
Christmas Day Lunch.
Christmas Day Dinner.
The customary and obligatory visits.
Fruit Cake & Rootbeer.
Ratatouille & Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World’s End.
Cassius’s SMS :)

C is back from Wellington :) Our childhood, our families, our interest were so different yet we stuck together cheerfully. We didn’t share the same neighborhood nor history, but together we make tons of discoveries. After our halcyon days of high school, our lives had dramatically diverged in ways we would never have imagined. We live in separate countries, yet at times, there were months, even years, would fly past without an exchanged word, written or otherwise. But suddenly, there would be the unexpected SMS :)

Club 21, The Circle & The Others – I wish for many more years of such bliss in the comfort of ones who know you so well, where words and affirmative actions are mostly not needed :)

Monday, December 24, 2007

dance with somebody

Merry Christmas :)

Sunday, December 23, 2007

a little off

I’ve got a new toy :) I have upgraded my 3120 (it went kaput last week) to 3110. I love this. I love the large buttons; it comes with a 1.8” display, 1.3 mega-pixel camera with 8x digital zoom. This dinosaur have improvised :)

Life & Work - I thought that I've finally gotten it behind me. Apparently, I hadn't. Though I wish it hadn't happened, I believe that in its own discreet way, it has made me stronger. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Or the next minute. What I do know is, despite these trying times, I've been striving to do my very best, but was it not enough? I'm exhausted. Stifled. Cramped. Sick. Irritated. Disgusted. I'm tired of waiting. But that is the only available option for now.

Callum - I confess that the fire still burns within. Yes indeed. But we are still running :)

Home (Thornlie) - Perhaps one day I'll return here; when I'm able to.

New Year Resolutions - Stay strong, don't let things fuck me up and keep my head above water. If the door to opportunity is open, walk in before it closes. Work hard. Play harder :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Life. Is made up of so many things.

Royale Bintang Damansara – I am truly humbled. If it’s mine, it’s mine. If it’s not, then let it be. They either have to take her in or take the both of us. I will not walk in a lone ranger. I will not hit out on my own people.
This morning session didn’t go so well. It was not one of my best performances. I was naughty, cheeky and mischievous…up to no good. The contents also not up to my expectations as well. I didn’t really leave a good impression.
I also realize why she is way better then me. Maybe Haakon is right about one thing – my age is a disadvantage because I lack the experiences and exposures. So, I will have to chase and look for these knowledge and skills to make myself richer.
Even though I am not happy being here…I’m stuck…but I have to shallow the bitterness and dig my way out. The light at the end of the tunnel is really beyond my reach now. The shit I go through; you can't even begin to imagine.

Wait, I shall. And I shall not let them consume me anymore.

# Life is unfair, complaining won’t make it any better but it sure feels good :)

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Sakae Sushi – Trix, Torres, Damian, Celtic and myself.
We ate a tasty Japanese dinner. All of us were chatty, chirpy, loud and happy. We truly enjoyed each other’s company. At that moment; my life was warm and fuzzy, in a world of Mr. Spider, clapping songs and cloth nappies :) It was so good for the soul. And it was a nice contrast to the busy hectic week just past. Good to be OUT SOCIALISING :)

*To me, hugging is just hugging. It doesn't mean anything else.

** I'm dreading the coming weeks. If anything, with all that I'm going to face, the only certainty to the whole equation is that there is going to be a lot of emotion boiling about and none of them are any good. The closure that I want is yet to come. With it, my heart and mind is starting to shut things out. No longer am I able to foresee what's ahead of me. No longer am I able to see what two steps ahead of me are. As it is, whatever is on my mind is impairing my ability to focus and do my job. It's impairing the way my body takes care of itself. It's impairing me to be…me.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Morning Wakes

I fell sick again :(

There are certain events in a person’s life which remind one that it is time to step back and re-assess. These signifiers are as unique to us as the fact that we are all individuals. Recently I tried hard to get things done, feeling anger that I’m so in-competent, feeling despair that I lack the motivation to carry on fighting. The reality is, when the PRESSURE IS ON; all notions of spontaneity, enjoyment and magic are lost from the moment. Sounds like a crisis isn’t it? I have reached a point where I don’t know what to do any longer. I practically gave up. I was heartbroken. The worst part is that I fell and have no idea how to stand up again.

Thus, I have decided to just do nothing and allowed space for new things to enter my life. In spite of my nail-biting and angst, I do realize that it takes time. That one can trust GOD, solitude…which is necessary sometimes for the answers to emerge…do not try to rush or hurry GOD :) It is true, life pushes us to grow. It’s nice to re-discover myself, re-acquainted with myself all over again. It is humbling to surrender to GOD and life; allowing it to dictate your movements. It frustrates to have to sit still and wait, but wait one must even when the answers are emerging very slowly. I’m still waiting for answers, waiting for GOD’s plans…

I colored my hair RED – now I looked like an Asian gangster chick :)

Sunday, December 09, 2007


Atticus’s Invitation.
Haakon’s So-Called Willingness.
The French, etc.

A miracle and triumph that can only be described as the grace of GOD.

I just want a closure…come next year, I want to be able to open a new chapter.

Eunice & Edmund’s Wedding – Congratulations to the bride and the bridegroom :)

Sunday, December 02, 2007


Liverpool beat Porto 4-1. There is still hope… :)

Let Me Win, But If I Cannot Win…Let Me Be Brave In The Attempt – UnKnown.

I’m not as smart & intelligent as some people are (actually, I’m quite a blur sotong), I’m not that observant and wise either. I have always said this – I’m a piece of work in progress. The courage that I have to triumph over this obstacle - it was indeed priceless :)

I’m deeply confident, despite having a few rough edges. Or imperfections. Or shortcomings. Or just the kind of qualities that makes me somewhat unusual, unexpected and beautifully unique :)