Sunday, March 28, 2010

Little Alice ~ Big Alice

I have a very high expectation going into the movie because it involves Tim Burton, Helena Bonham Carter and my beloved Johnny Depp. Their combine collaborations can do no wrong. Unfortunately, the movie didn't take my breath away :( The visual effects, the costumes, the set-ups, the make-up, the magical creatures, the wonderland concept were rich in colors but the story & the characters development fell short :( It did't hit the climax, it felt blah because it was not fully explored. There is a nagging feeling that something is missing.
The only 2 characters that I enjoyed watching were The Mad Hatter and The Red Queen. She's the real gem :) Her indignant pout, nutty and spoilt behavior masks a rather sad and melancholic woman longing to be loved. The White Queen was kinda uninspiring and her body movements; especially her hands were damn annoying.
But of course, I like a few things about the movie as well. I like that it's quite funny, Tim Burton manages to insert a little humor here and there which is always nice in a heavily-scripted movie. The weird & the quirky Burton-esque flourishes are still there, but the over-reliance on the computer generated effects have somewhat dulled the Maestro of the Weird's senses, leaving a movie that is entertaining but ultimately not as memorable as his usual and previous works.
Watching a movie for me is a form of escapism from the real world and wathcing Alice in this 'UnderWorld' is the ultimate escape :)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

BedMate / TreeHugger

Okay. One of the things that I really really love about HOUSE is the awesome quotes. That show's got me glue to the TV in every single episode, and Hugh Laurie has got all of the great lines in the show. A protagonist of a hit TV series is supposed to be awesome like that, he/she's supposed to have the coolest lines in the movies, and he/she's supposed to make you go WHOA all the time, and get you going back for more :)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Moneyed Life

Haakon offered me a job; which I politely decline last week...after much consideration :) Thank You GOD! I am a very blessed person. I know that. I just feel that I don't deserve it sometimes. The reason that people are still offering me jobs in this retail trade is because I have built up the work experiences, the skills, the creativity, the tricks, the traits, the attitude, the network - which I specializes and have expertise in. I don't have to be train anymore. I come in, I just have to deliver the figures, I just have to perform.
But what I really want is that I want to quit the retail industry but the question is, if I do...what do I do next? What are my options? What else can I do? Money still plays a very important role as I'm still not financial independent yet :) If I do start all over again, with a lower pay, but minus the stress, the burden, the weight - can I? I want to quit because I am exhausted. I have no more energy left. I work non-stop to build up my portfolio since 2005. I am very tired to answer for sales, margin, stock days, fees, action plans, operational issues on an everyday basis. I don't want these kind of KPIs anymore. I just want to do filing, paperwork and administrative tasks :) Is this a temporary phase or a long term plan?

What also really scares me is my very own fear of taking the first step to change things. I think I was already feeling that for some time, that I really wanted to move on and do something different, but I didn't know what yet, and was scared to take the next step.
And that is the problem isn't it?
Not knowing exactly what you want to do, and the fear of taking that step because it's one into the unknown. My life on earth is so short! What am I doing?!
All these time, I keep telling people to do things as if it's going to be their last year, and I'm not doing it myself. Nonetheless, I am still very keen with the idea of a career break so I can go and figure this thing out :)

I think I've been very fortunate in my past jobs that I've had, where the people I work with are some of the best in the retail industry. This has been no different with The French, and dare I say it, at a higher level altogether.
I'm constantly amazed at how Iron Butterfly & Rufus manages to pull together such a diverse & brilliant team of creative, efficient & genuine individuals. To see a project you have in mind actually worked out and to receive such amazing response is mind-blowing. It really showed me that anything is possible when you put your mind and heart into it. I learned so much from the team in the time I've been here. Invaluable and great stuff I wouldn't have known if I'd never joined them!

I have experienced it all...but there is one thing that I have never experience yet...which is a job promotion...that will be my greatest acheivement ever if I do get one. I keep on increasing my pay cheque by job-hopping around but for once, I would also like to know where I stand and to know how good I really am. Yeah; shameless self promotion :)

'Never say enough to GOD's Financial Blessings...or any sorta blessings because GOD wants to bless us more than enough so that we can do the work of his Kingdom' - UnKnown.

A Prayer for Yingze

The Coleman Experience.
School Holiday Specials.
No more Press Ad Promotions after this because...because I'm broke :( From this month onwards until the end of the year...I certainly have no idea on how I am going to pay the monthly fees based on the slim back margin that I have. My department is very poor. I am so going to die. Yikes! :)

Unicorn Classic Air Mattress - thank you GOD. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for being there. I rather deal with machines than with humans. It's just so hard to handle people, to manage people, to understand the complexity of their characteristics. There are so many people out there; in the corporate world of course, who are just so consumed & obsessed with greed, jealousy, insecurity, selfishness and power-crazy. So much of evil & nastiness in them. Where are the good ones gone to?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

run myself better

Work Tales - Lunch with Snow Petrol at Secret Recipe. It was very smart of Snow Petrol to initiate an informal lunch meeting with Iron Butterfly to get to know us better before we officially join the team next month. Snow Petrol asks us to introduce ourselves briefly and describe what are our likes & dislikes; so no tails are step on moving forward. Snow Petrol is intelligent, well-spoken, arrogrant, cocky, aggresive, irrational, extreme and telling us who is the boss. Who is holding the power and authority. I think Snow Petrol also took the opportunity to observe our characters, behaviors, attitudes & personality. I'm sure all the necessary homework is already done prior to this lunch meeting. I just have a feeling that Snow Petrol favors Celtic & Patrick, Matte-Marit and especially Natalie because these are the key buyers with major departments. They lay the golden eggs. I am only the smallie :) It's how you play the game, follow the rules. And it's already begun. I also need to start to bond more with my new team members, socialise with them etc. But most of the time now, I just want to be left alone to my thoughts, to un-think and to space out.

I was very relaxed during the lunch...I didn't say much...only a couple of lines because I was observing them instead...seeing how they react & respond to each other :) I will just be me. I will accept nothing more and I will give nothing less. I take the responsibility in fulfilling my duties. I hope I will survive the unimaginable and triumph the unthinkable :)


M13 Alumni Gathering, LaLa Chong Restaurant, Ara Damansara.
An even bigger turnout! :) Way better than the one we had in Concord Hotel last year. Seniors & Juniors catching up & mixing up together :) We were noisy; like a scene from Pasar Malam. Thor, Lucius, Jacques, Stella, May Leng, Seth, Trix, Celtic, Mel Jag, Damian, Ping, Torres, Amadeo, Guillermo, Charis, Thoren, Philip, Wylie and many many more. Unfortunately, there was no representative from the English retailer...where is Juan, The Boss? Where are Nikolai, Pierre Andre, Wyatt, Pietro, Joaquim, Drew, Ronnie, Derek, Alex, Sverre Magnus? Miss Klein was absent due to work commitments.
There were 60 of us :) I shuffle between seats to mingle and chat to others :) Most of us ordered the set banquet, the food was so-so but we just shared everything anyway. We chatted throughout dinner about business, careers, families, life...took silly group photos & family portraits :) It was great! It was sooooo much fun! I had such a marvellous time talking to each one of them - and just spending time together. I can't believe how lovely everyone is. I'm on this crazy high from being surrounded by so many nice friends! The evening was gorgeous. Good friends are treasured. It was a great night out.
It is from all of these people that I learnt so much and who had in some way or the other helped me in my career, professional, business & private life. They have been great mentors & comrades. M13 have given me the foundation to be where I am today. I know that people come and go & I really should get used to it by now. But still...with these people, it did feel different.
Families, Friends, Communities & Relationship are going to be a very strong theme for me this year. Of course, I've always valued them but I want to strengthen these relationships even further. They are my invaluable support. They pick me up when I'm down and remind me to smile through my tough times. They never leave me to bare my own worries and constantly make me feel that they have my back :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

stage club

Oscar Nite: Red & Black.
What a night! It's great to have a bunch of people who love to go all out and commit to a theme - which always make parties so much fun. Everyone was wearing the colors reflecting the theme and dress up in their favorite movie characters. There was Captain Hook, Harry Potter, King Arthur, Neo from The Matrix, Michael Jackson, Wonder Woman, Bat Girl, Barbie, Zorro, Darth Vader, Darth Maul etc.

We even have the red carpet treatment and the paparazzi chasing us down with their big, bulky cameras. I felt my bones & muscles melt as I walked down the red carpet. It was heavenly; I felt like a celebrity :)

Camera flashes, lucky draws, slick performances, routine speeches, awards, games, frills, indulgences, chatters and merriment. The food was good - we ate until our bellies hurt. We giggled at each other - because you know; we've never seen each other in nice sexy clothes, make-up and high heel shoes...and the wearing of my new dress :) Everyone had such a great time! Everyone was glowing with happiness. It was an elegant, stylish & sophisticated evening.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

So I stand back and watch history repeat itself

Malaysian F1 Team (Lotus Racing) races tomorrow in Bahrain.
Good luck to Tony Fernandes, Italian Jarno Trulli, Finland's Heikki Kovalainen, Malaysian Fairuz Fauzy & team.

I am so proud.
Believe the unbelievable.
Dare to dream.
Never take no for an answer.
Yes we can.

Let The Bullets Fly

Last year, one of my mottos was to 'Enjoy Life'. Which I did :) I experienced, I enjoyed & I embraced my life. It helps me to feel that I'm growing as a person, and that I'm making the most out of my life. And I've always love the idea of looking back, making conclusions & planning for the future. And I've never felt so relax and on top of things as I do now! Minus the current Demolition news of course! It's a part of my everyday life, and now I invest in keeping it that way. With the Demolition news, it will take awhile to digest; but the rainbows will be back. Not in full color just yet; but good enough to sing a joyful tune! Yay!

This year; I'm looking for something's still about life but the whole idea is 'Living A Balanced Life'. In 2009 - I was at the peak in certain areas of my life and there were some low moments as well. So I want to balance things up a little. Last year, I admit; I was a bad juggler :) I didn't enjoy the feeling like a Chinese acrobat; finely balancing multiple, spinning plates on a constant state of frantic anxiety. If any of the plates would slightly tip over, everything would collapse and fall, all hell would break loose! Disaster! Catastrophe! A huge mess! And I have to pick up all of the pieces and start all over again. Eventually, I wasted so much of my energy on stress and regret. I want the balance to just come naturally this time around.

I will learn not to expect so much of myself, not to be so up-tight when things go wrong, and just enjoy life! I will forgive myself quickly when I make mistakes :) I will focus on things that are important. I plan ahead. I get very organized. Crossing fingers; and everything else will fall into place very nicely. I want to live with style & spirit. I freely admit that I don't exactly know how to do this right now. But I do know that I want to live a magnificient, inspiring, motivated, productive & passionate life! So I'm going to explore it over the next few months. And I'm zippy with excitement! And I hope this will somehow spark something in me that will make 2010 a wonderful year for me and the people I love!

But when it comes to work - honestly, I don't know what the future brings for me and I'll confess that there are times when this uncertainty makes me a tad nervous. New bosses, new colleagues, new portfolios, new challenges. I'm afraid. Afraid that I cannot manage, unable to cope. I am still in the recovering stage. If this didn't turn out well, I will not force it unto myself. I no longer want to carry the weight. I found the freedom last year, and purely enjoyed it very much. I will just walk away, close the chapter behind me and open a new one instead. But I'm also very determined. I'm determined to develop my interest in my existing portfolio & new tasks, to educate myself about the art & craft of the business and to become a part of the scene.

"Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye. It just feels easier to keep holding on. But in the long run it's usually a good idea to let go, it's the daring thing to do. It allows room for new things, for transformation. And maybe the goodbye isn't even forever, but you can't know until you really say goodbye and mean it. In some cases, goodbye is really the end, and good riddance" - Unknown.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

One Hundred Years Of Solitude

First the quake hit Haiti, and now Chile :(
Will the movie '2012' be a reality? Will the world really end?
Every day we turn on the world news and there are wars, earthquakes, tsunamis, train wrecks, floods, assassinations, poverty, abuse, outbreak of new diseases, hunger, unemployment. People are dying everyday and yet, it all seems so distant when you're sitting in an air-conditioned comfort room watching it on a very expensive plasma screen.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

a way to be good again

The 'Demolition News' have been finally & officially announced this week. A new organization structure. The French call it 'Optimization'. In my humble opinion - it's demolition. It's silly. Lack of integration & coordination. But hey, it's the top management decision. Team Baz will be divided into 2 groups: Rufus, Stewart, Wendy, Christine, Damian & Tin Min will be in the HardLiners Group while Celtic, Patrick, Matte-Marit, Natalie & myself will be a part of the SoftLiners Group. My new Chief-In-Commands are Felix and Snow Patrol. This arrangement will take effect in April. Iron Butterfly will then go back to Singapore.

I am lost. I don't have the sense of purpose and ownership anymore. I am tired. I am only waiting for the right time and opportunity. I am not only angry & upset that there was no salary adjustment & no additional helper - but I have to take up 1 more Department. I can't even cope with my existing work, yet moving forward I will be given additional tasks, roles and responsibilities on top of my existing workload. During my appraisal - Iron Butterfly told me to wait...I did. I feel cheated. I am now the most foolish person on earth :(

I am going to miss Rufus very very much :( For him; a thousand times more :)
It's pity...when Rufus & Iron Butterfly first came on board, the team was in a mess...all of the experienced buyers left. And when the both of them start to re-build the team; we were hit with an economic crisis & a very strong competitors attacks and then their 2 years contract come into an end. I guess the French wants us to deliver the results fast; but we were just too slow, too late. We didn't deliver, we didn't perform. And now, we have to close down the whole division. It's hard for Rufus & Iron Butterfly to give their children away. Life still moves on.

I think I will go and numb myself; stop caring...stop worrying...stop thinking, the less frustrated and upset I'd be. I need to be able to live out of a suitcase, to not have baggage of any sort. I need to be able to cut whatever's holding me down. I will carry myself above this and smile again for what it's worth :)