Friday, January 30, 2009

smart match

I eat, I sleep, I eat, I sleep – content I am :)
I ate a lot of the Chinese New Year cookies this year. Some were hand made by my mom, my aunties or bought from the outside vendor. I opened up each jar, one by one, savoring each one. Love letters are my favorite :)

Work Tales – Numbers are on the rise for Nautism, Camping & Bicycles (don’t know how long it will stay at the top though). Sports are on a down trend. Biggest challenges for the month of February will be the contract negotiation period. This will be a long and tortuous process; and I am experiencing it right now. With some suppliers, I can promise you that there are no easy solutions. They are very difficult to handle. Will require the help of Rufus & Iron Butterfly. If they can help. At the end of the day, even with the most careful of planning, you’re not going to hit the bull’s eye. As Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz pointed out, life is a series of near misses. And as author and futurist Gary Hamel points out that what counts the most is not hitting the bull’s eye the first time but how quickly you can improve your aim and get another arrow on the target.

Monday, January 26, 2009


The first day of my Chinese New Year – come and gone. Collected all of my ang pows, visited all of my relatives, played with all of my nieces & nephews, savoring all of the cookies…it was nice, un-pretentious, friendly and warm. However, the older I get – I notice that I no longer have the Chinese New Year feel in me anymore. I don’t know. I no longer feel keen and eager.

Work Tales - D33 have its first 2009 success story in Kuantan where the store has sold 80 units of the 26” Single Speed Bicycle model at RM99.90 over the weekend. A miracle indeed. Kuantan store have created a history in the bicycle category and have also demonstrated the can-do spirit. I am very proud of Watson and his team for their tremendous effort. I am very grateful to them. But it also truly reinforces to me that being a Buyer; I not only have to provide the best price but also to gain the commitment from my store people. There is no point in fighting with the supplier to get the best price in the market but the store people is not doing anything about it but leaving the merchandize idle on the shelves. But with strong store support – I can actually see the difference on how fast the stock can move. Sumen and myself is even more determined to create more success stories for D33 this year and our Secret Mission for this year is to beat D32 (headed by Matte-Marit). I didn’t convey this good news to Iron Butterfly. Instead, I got Sumen to do it. Besides, it was Sumen & Rufus who drove the lorry all the way to Kuantan to deliver the bicycles to Watson. I want to take up the leadership of D33; therefore I must give the credit to Sumen when it's due.

I’m wondering if I’m trying to jump too fast into this Leadership thingy and if I should take things slow & steady? I’d like for it to go all the way I want, but I’m also aware that maybe I need to grow at a steady pace. The work performance review outcomes are also making me fidget.

Am beginning to wonder if this it’s what I really want. Barely half a year into getting down and dirty with my job; I'm already beginning to question if it's taking over my life. I say slowly...but surely. Neglecting my health, my loved ones, meals, exercise, fun and social activities is just the beginning of this obsession of mine for work. I'm starting to use those 2 very contrasting words synonymously. It's a scary thought. As you can imagine; I've been alerted by many caring individuals about how it's beginning to get a little out of hand; but I defend this love of mine...this love for Work. I convince myself that it is all I want to do at this point in my youth. I make up reasons and excuses in my head to re-assure myself that I'm doing the right thing. *tsk tsk* But this is not the approach to success.

I had forgotten to spend time with my friends, to show my family that I care and to take time to practice my other hobbies.
I am going to spend the next 2 days – loving and pampering myself :)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

search and rescue

Gong Xi Fa Cai
So here’s wishing everyone a positive mind, an open heart and lots of joy and happiness in your life for this Ox year. Have a blessed and a fantastic Chinese New Year!

Friday, January 23, 2009


I had my performance appraisal done :) I think it went well. I think.
No doubt that this year…again it will be a very challenging year; bigger tidal wave than ever but I won’t join Celtic’s department. It’ll be tough. But I don’t want to be under Celtic, in Celtic’s shadow. Whether I succeed or failed – I will stand alone. I am very sure, confirmed for now.

I think I’m secretly very competitive :) I’m not the kind who boasts and struts around thinking “I’m the best and I’m better than you” like Celtic. But I do have an inner drive to win. Yes, I like to try my best AND I like to win. Celtic is such a show off and boasting the ego like nobody business but I salute Celtic for knowing how to highlight its own strengths and hard sell it’s own self. This I must learn and also to network more.
I’m aiming at 2010. I want to learn and earn as mush as possible now and then it’s time to slow down and have a good rest. I’ve been growing more and more jaded and cynical about life since joining The French and not been able to do what I wanted. But I don’t want to find myself 5 years down the track, thinking; “Huh? Where’d my life go? What did I do with my time?”
Callum is back in town. I don’t want to be his touch-and-go-friend :(

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true – the 44th President Of The United States Of America.

Inspiring and heart warming :)
I will hold on to it.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Mr. President

Barack Obama – young, not tainted and full of ideas. But what excites me most about him, is that he's multicultural and he is willing to talk to anybody and to listen and to solve. He has Kenyan parentage, an American mother, he had an Indonesian stepfather, he lived in Indonesia and has Malaysian relatives. That's what I love. Barack Obama has given hope to all in the world that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. For whatever her sins, America has once again led the world. It has shown that it will choose the best man for the job whatever the color. Meritocracy rules. That is why whatever happens they always are able to innovate be it Apple or Google or eBay or Hollywood. Because they allow free speech which allows free minds which allows innovation and meritocracy. Unlike here – we vote for the ruling party but not the Prime Ministership. The month of March is going to be very interesting for this country as the current PM will be stepping down.
‘Suddenly all my big plans for myself didn't seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I realized that my own life wouldn't count for much unless I was able to ensure you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours…that's why I ran for president’ – Barack Obama on his daughters.

** The RM99.90 Bike – only sold 110 units over the weekend.

I expect the crowd to go ‘WOW’ but it didn’t. It was very discouraging.

Monday, January 19, 2009

the special-ness came from within

Dinner with Thor, Lucius, Stella, Olave, Miss Foong, Lily, May Leng & Celtic at SS2. It was a seven course dinner, we had the traditional yee sang and the highlight of the evening was centered on catching up with each one of them.
Aww, I feel all warm and fuzzy and loved :)
And I also get to experienced GOD. I can actually feel GOD’s hands in shielding over me. SS2 is always crowded with people and cars that do not follow the traffic rules. When I was reversing my car, I accidentally knock the car behind me. Then another car knocks the side of my car. Thank GOD, both of the incidents were gentle bumps and my car was not dented nor scratched. Just imagine the hassle that I have to go through with the insurance company, the police report etc. I think this is going to be a spiritual year for me. GOD is working in me.

I also had a long phone-call conversation with Tommy the other night. How Tommy’s life has changed dramatically – moving back to Sabah, secure a job in a manufacturing company and staying in a kampung! Tommy is a true blue KL urbanite. Imagine that! But I think it will be a good working holiday for Tommy to re-charge and to recover from depression.

I will be having my work review with Iron Butterfly & Rufus this week. Shit! :(
Personally, I think my role description and the job title glorifies what I actually do.
Iron Butterfly has been repeatedly re-emphasizing about being focus, discipline and getting the work more organize. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m a naturally disciplined and focused person. I’m more of an “all over the place person”. I have so many interests and passions that I often find myself losing focus. I get easily distracted by problems and projects. I get side-tracked by interesting projects that pop up. Or I have little flits of inspiration that take up large amounts of my time. How am I going to pass this one?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

bright & shine

I don’t understand it all nor do I have all of the answers.
I worked so hard, I sacrificed so much, I neglected everyone & everything – FOR WHAT???

Today is also another long & tiring day for me.

And I dont’t get to play any tennis at all for this weekend.
I went to do store visit at Wangsa Maju & Kepong.
I will be getting a lot busier than ever :(

Things are moving so fast and change is required from me; every single moment.
I want to do more, accomplish more and to make things happen in every aspect of my life.
But I’m drop dead tired. This hypermarket-retail line really makes an individual age fast.
I find myself feeling jaded with my life.
Well, I could either sulk and hold on to the past or embrace it and make the most out of it!
Change may be good sometimes; yes, sometimes it might push us a step back as well.
But; if we add a little bit of optimism into the change, it might work out for the better right?
The good and the bad. At these times I just need to keep looking.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

to be taken away just like that

My neck is very stiff. Ouch! :(

Today has been a very long day for me.
I have been working the whole day. And today is Saturday :(
Iron Butterfly, Rufus & myself came up with this crazy idea of selling a 26” Single Speed Bicycle model at RM99.90 over the weekend – it was a havoc price indeed. We will be stirring up the market upside down and I’m very sure that the English will get a shock. My local suppliers will start banging the table and demanding answers from me on why I am spoiling the market price. I am going to be so outstanding. For the wrong reasons obviously :(
Nontheless;…waiting for a miracle to happen. And I’m just waiting .
Iron Butterfly have said – continue to stay positive. If I am having this much of stress & pressure, I’m sure Iron Butterfly’s portion is even larger. But I’m very thankful that until today, Iron Butterfly have been very patient even though I have not been performing and delivering the desire results.
Iron Butterfly have the right and could have throw tantrum or show temper but Iron Butterfly didn’t do that. Being reminded that it’s not altogether horrid means I get some positivity out of it.

Crossing fingers; that tomorrow will be a good day.
I can’t be side-tracked. Wishes can sometimes be granted, if I hope hard enough :)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

yes to life

I indeed can do all things through CHRIST! Celebrating my small success :)
Usually I will go down to this man-made lake which is situated nearby my house for my routine Sunday evening jog. Generally I will walk 1 around, jog 1 round, walk 1 round, jog 1 round, walk 1 round and finally jog 1 round. But on last Sunday – I walk 1 round and jog 3 rounds consistently non-stop! Yay! I think my cardio stamina is improving.

Work Tales – I rebel against Iron Butterfly :) There is more to come.
I feel like I needed light at the end of my tunnel.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

my greatest love is you

Even after yesterday’s good tennis workout session, a good book read, watching the yummy hunks in ‘Big Shot’ and the steamy love affairs of the women in ‘Lipstick Jungle’ – my anger have yet to be subside. I am still boiling! The more I think about it, the angrier I get! I really want to throw in the towel already. I don’t want to play this game anymore.
This month alone – Iron Butterfly have put me in the hot soup thrice.
My credibility is at stake and my reputation is finished. It’s all very easy for Iron Butterfly, once the expatriate contract ends, Iron Butterfly will fly home and I will face all the shit.

The first screw-up was the Tropicana project. The Shopping Mall Department wants to take up the Electrical Department space – therefore, the Electrical Department will eat into the HouseHold Department, the HouseHold Department will eat into the Textile Department, the Textile Department will eat into the Stationary Department and the Stationary Department will eat into my Sports Department. Thus, my department will become smaller. As the size shrink – I do not have enough open floor display for my Golf & Noro Counter. I have to turn them away.
Imagine if you are the Noro supplier – you have set-up the place beautifully, your merchandise are in, you have change all of the props which the client have complained earlier and you have all of your promoters on stand-by mode for the grand opening which was due in 3 days time.

Now imagine me – my hands were trembling, my voice was shaking, my heart was stuck in my throat, my chest was all tight and in an embarrassment tone, I have to tell Noro that they have to come and collect their stock back, I have no place for you. How will the Noro supplier think of me?! They will think what kind of buyer is this! Don’t know how to conduct a business is it?!
I swear Jade & Willie really wants to kill me on the spot after I broke the bad news to them.
Luckily for the Golf Counter – we manage to find a space for them outside from the store but the location – it’s very shitty; next to the trolleys bay! Golf & trolleys together? The Golf prestige will go down to the drain.

The second incident was when the Bicycle Supplier decides to pull out all of its promoters in Tropicana. Before the launch, we told everyone that the Bicycle Supplier will provide 6 promoters. Word got spread out and all of the other stores were demanding if they could have the promoters as well. Then, my local suppliers found out about it. And now; not even 2 months – the Bicycle Supplier (which is Iron Butterfly’s Business Partner) decides to withdraw. Imagine how my store people will feel? I really let them down. I didn’t fight for them. I didn’t negotiate for them. If this Bicycle Supplier were of my own – I would have slap and screw them upside down – unfortunately they are not. They are Iron Butterfly’s own people. I don’t want to rock the boat at that time; I don’t want to put my Boss in a difficult position. But now, I shall rebel!

The third interesting story is the Bicycle stockholding – I rather have a short-term pain then a long-term pain. But no, Iron Butterfly says no clearance, don’t want to hurt our margin…and look at what is happening right now. Hundreds of bicycles; worth half a million dollars or more are lying in the 2 warehouses and at the store level. My name is already blacklisted. This year my ambition is to sell Bicycles!
And to make things worst – Celtic & Stewart inform Iron Butterfly that I cannot take in all of this anymore longer and wants to quit! Maybe I should do exactly just that! I know that Iron Butterfly will not ask me to stay. Iron Butterfly would rather keep Celtic. I am not making myself inferior. Life is like may be better than someone else but there is also someone else who is much more better than you.

It is difficult to stay upbeat amidst the demands, the expectations, the threats, the slander, the misconception, the accusations and the general lack of trust I perceived from other people and from myself.
Perhaps I should follow, embrace the life commitment, the incredible words of the Apostle Paul:
I will soar above this storm. I have to.

So sad! Liverpool's Steven Gerrard reacts after missing a late opportunity during his team's English Premier League soccer match 0-0 draw against Stoke City at The Britannia Stadium, Stoke :(

Saturday, January 10, 2009

my screaming chamber

I’m angry. My capacity is being stretched beyond what I could think off.
I’m having the usual case of bottled-up angst teenage rage, reckless first-child rebellion, a misery of depressions & searches for individuality & purpose and exceedingly explosive female mood swings.
I’m tired with all these running-nowhere-never-ending-series of paperwork, I hate the un-supportive support system & the limited human resources and I’m frustrated with Iron Butterfly way of doing things. I’m going mad. When a problem arises – you tackle it. You don’t just ignore them or be in denial. Even when Seth & Celtic were unsure of the actions that they are going to take when facing a crisis – at the very least they did take an action and see how to go about it when the consequences appear.

Next week – I’m going to stand firm and stubbornly. No one is going to boss me around.

I cannot help but to feel that at times life and GOD has been throwing me dilemmas after dilemmas as if to test my patience, streghth and endurance.
I don't wanna come across as emo, because the last thing that I want from others is sympathy.
So many times I felt totally hopeless with regards to decisions that I have to make regarding my career, my friends, my relationship & my life. So many times I was put into situations where its die-die both ways.

Oh my gosh…what is this! – Today is only the 10th day of the New Year and I’m already depressed. Jeez… :) But I’m a little miracle. With this kind of brain, attitude, behavior & personality that I have – to be where I am today is truly unbelievable and a blessing. Trust me, everyday I’m still battling with the not-so-good aspects of my personalities. I am astounded at how selfish, cold, nasty & ego I can be at times :) Pick your right fights.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Bed

Went back to the office today…spring cleaning, obviously…Iron Butterfly has commented that our work station is VERY MESSY.
I’ve discovered that I’m a paper hoarder :) whether at home or in the office. I think it’s partly to do with ensuring that I’ve a history (paper trail?) :) I have cleared out all of my useless pile of junk; my cubicle looks a bit larger & cleaner now that I’ve gotten rid of 2 bags of rubbish. The thing is - I only throw stuff out once a year, but I collect 2 years worth of junk in a year. I’m trying to make sure that I’m as spartan as can be for this year.


Guillermo called last night – second invitation asking me to join the new company. Aurora & Jacques are on board as well. Thank you GOD! Thank you for the continuous opportunities & blessings upon me. The HeadHunter has yet to revert back…but at the bottom of my heart – I know that my popularity among the English have decline as new buyers enter the workforce and the current junior buyers are being promoted up the rank. Besides, until now; I’m still unsure why I was so in-demand in the first place. I’m not that good. I still have a lot to learn.

Work Tales – Trix have finally joined us. So happy :)
I have also been praised by Rufus & Iron Butterfly in front of the whole team on my success in doing well on my first Nego Tool 2009 Contract. Thank You GOD for your Faithfulness, Grace and Mercy upon my life especially throughout the entire 2008. Looking back – GOD have never failed to provide solutions in every problems I faced. He has brought much help to me in many forms.
The grand show was when Celtic was jealous and trying to brush everything aside :) really makes my day.

I also went for a facial massage. I know that I didn’t take care of my face very well when I was younger. I’ve sugar, caffeine, meat and fatty foods in my diet. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t drink lots of water. I walk everyday under the sun. I didn’t wear any sun cream or put on sun glasses everyday. I hardly wear a hat or use the umbrella. I didn’t take salmon oil tablets and a variety of other vitamins. I knew I wasn’t getting enough of sleep as well. As a result - I have a combination of oily to dry skin, my pores are huge, I have pigmentation, odd patches of skin tone and I knew that I need to start taking better care of my face right now. Use mask and go for facial more often. Sigh…need to waste more money. Touch wood, no faint fine lines appearing yet.

Saturday, January 03, 2009


Christina Aguilera: Keeps Getting’ Better. A Decade Of Hits.
I bought the CD – was worth it. All of my favorite tracks :)
Unlike many of her contemporaries (think Britney Spears, Mandy Moore), Aguilera was a technically skilled singer with a genuinely powerful voice, belting out her up-tempo dance numbers and ballads with a diva's panache.

You see her grow up over the years, slowly emerging from the shadows of her Disney Channel's The New Mickey Mouse Club friends – Britney, future NSYNC members Justin Timberlake & JC Chasez and Felicity star Keri Russell.
And look at her fashion sense. I didn’t like her earlier teen-oriented dance-pop image but I love her Retro & Marilyn Monroe take :) Aguilera's look had gone from glossy to gritty. Adult yet confident. Mature yet provocative.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Just Be Free

It was a good tennis workout session.
I run a lot, I chase after the tennis ball a lot, I hit the ball a lot, I sweat a lot – I feel great; very rejuvenating indeed. I think I did pretty well. Even though at times, I was huffing and puffing and wheezing like an old lady :)
It was even better than my routine evening jog…I think I will mix them together and do both.
I can feel the strain of my muscles, the intensity of the triceps & biceps when I flex them and the velocity force when I hit the ball against the wall. To hit the ball hard – damn, it feels relieve. It’s like all the stress is being purged out. No doubt it’s a new year – but trust me, on my small shoulders; I’m carrying some excess & unwanted baggages from last year.
I’m going to practice with the wall for a while; maybe later on I will try to take on an opponent :)

Thursday, January 01, 2009

The Secret History

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009

This year, I’m going to do something different.
Every month, I will go and try something new :)
So, for this month of January – I’m going to self-learn on how to play the tennis :)
Hopefully, I’ll be committing to doing it once or twice a week.
This year - I shall be exploring the inner workings of my mind and begin the journey of re-discovering myself :)