Thursday, April 29, 2010

every second, every day

Asia Cafe, SS15, Subang

Highlights >> Manchester United loss to Chelsea 2 - 1. The place was crawling with very sad, but very hot footballer-types of good looking people :)

Lowlights >> The issue with Callum continually to plague me. Sometimes I stay awake at night, wondering why. Did I do something to cause it? Did I not do something right? Perhaps, this whole thing is my fault. And I have to correct it...if this is the right one - I have to keep the fishing line long, and reel it slow :)
On another's quite depressing of not having someone to talk to at all. No one to share with. Feel so alone. Lonely. In this moment. What makes it even more depressing is that there are so many people in my phone book, and not one I can call :(

Monday, April 26, 2010

Operasi Burung Gagak

Tang Yuen Restaurant - it was Tin Min's birthday :) My mouth was watering as I looked at all the dishes. I couldn't decide. I was so hungry. Give me anything! Now!

The chinese food was awesome :) I am so going to miss Team Baz. I find the team is far more relaxed, unpretentious and all grown up now. Some relationships were meant to be forever. But most relationships have an end point. And as hurtful at it may be, people will walk in and out of our lives.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

in the highest

Breakfast cum lunch with Trix, Celtic and...Iron Butterfly. I have no idea how Iron Butterfly got into the picture. I am very sure that the culprit is Celtic who invited Iron Butterfly to join us. We jump into Trix's Honda car, went down to Klang to have 'Pan Mee'. There were many tables inside and outside of the restaurant, however it's quite noisy indoors and we wanted a bit more peace, quiet and sunshine to soak up some vitamin D; so we eat alfresco-style :) We had really hilarious, interesting, thought-provoking, random conversations about all kinds of stuffs - past stories, recent happenings, everyday random stuffs, our interests, our travel stories, our dreams, our goals. I like Iron Butterfly the individual, not Iron Butterfly the boss :)

After sending Iron Butterfly home, we went down to Selayang to visit Christine. Poor girl. Second miscarriage within 6 months. I know the happiness a child can bring into a family. I know from other people on the joy of parenting and how it completely outweights the headaches of parenting. It is so completely worth it. Hope Christine will be strong and don't give up that easily.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

it's my job to make it NOT feel like a job

Press Ad Results:
The Coleman Experience = RM23,611
School Holiday Specials = RM66,966

Yeah, it's bad. I know. Compare to last year. Iron Butterfly ask me to explain...I just went umming and ahhing. I also don't know how to answer. I also don't want to answer. Can I say that my department space has shrunk so much because the top management decides to enlarge the Grocery that is why I don't have the space to do my camping & school holidays display set-up? Can I say that one of the factors that I make less purchase with the supplier this month is to avoid high stock days because you have been nagging me non-stop to do returning because my department stock value is at RM7.5 million? What do you want me to do?! I buy more; you complained that the high purchases leads to a higher stock value. I buy less; you make noise that a reduction in the purchase leads to lesser rebates. I give you sales; you say that the entry margin is very slim. When I ensure that the margin is healthy, you demand more sales. The nature of my department items are different. I can't give you sales, double-digit margin and healthy stock days all at the same time. I can't balance that. Get someone else who is better than me to do this job. This job and Iron Butterfly is dreadful and terrible. Everything is. The whole world is a miserable place.

The sales are down compare to the last year Press Ad but my margins are better this year, healthier, double-digits growth with improvement compare to last year. My other categories have also shown significant margin improvements. I am pumping in profits, profitability value. But Iron Butterfly didn't see that, didn't even lift a praise on me :(

What am I supposed to do now - to feel like I've accomplished something?
Do I need to accomplish something?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

i am all that i can ever be, and that is enough

Ice cream with Damian & Matte-Marit at Baskin Robbins :) Basically, the 3 of us hung around until we have finished our ice cream, with no actual agenda, just lazily lounging around, talking, people-watching, chilling out and enjoying a good chat. It worked out really well in the end, I was really pleased :) It's been heaps of fun, lepaking around...together.

Right now, everything is basically about keeping myself Together, Sane & Healthy :) Not to mention, to continue Living A Balance Life :)

Not an easy thing to do for me, mind you. Normally, the negative emotions overtake whatever positive emotions that I might have. I think it's because our psyche has the tendency to feel the impact of the negative emotions more. That's why a nasty comment or a single episode with someone difficult can ruin an otherwise perfect time with great weather or a wonderful company of friends. It's not right, though. I think we ought to try to strengthen the effect of those smile-inducing moments and people in our lives more. And, give less power to the smile-wipers. I think that's a lesson I'm trying to learn as I take the path of BLISSOLOGY :)

"Life is good if the average of our experiences is good and vice versa. To make life better, one needs to examine the ingredients of life, which are our experiences" - UnKnown.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

“do her life over”

:( We have moved into our respective workstations. No more Team Baz! Only HardLine & SoftLine Team now. Rufus is no longer on my right. First, they took away my little brother, and now they are separating me from my big brother. I truly miss Rufus strong-minded, stubborn, individualistic, kind, logical, positive, filled with common sense and feet firmly planted on the ground attitude. I miss talking & sharing with Rufus. Thank you for the years, thank you for allowing me to confide in you; so privately and then so secretly.

Anyway, this week was insanely busy for me. So busy I had to figure out too many things for my small brain to handle. And I keep getting the feeling that I'm not as smart as I'd like to think I am. It's extremly painful to be reminded how stupid I am at times. I need to focus. My memory is begining to go as well. I find my brain stagnating. I've been doing the STUPIDEST things. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone, my brain will have a hard time processing the conversation. I can feel it chugging along slowly, stopping, re-starting, then push along again. Slowly. I re-act too slow. Sometimes I will think of a question, begin to ask it, and then realize that I have forgotten my I fumble around with my sentences, trying to recover it. Only to then that I admit that I've lost my train of thoughts. It's been very embarrassing. But the most problematic setback I've found, so far; is being unable to multi-task. I have to do ONE THING AT A TIME. One task. Then another. It's so inefficient of me. If I try to tackle anything more, I'll mix everything up. WHERE ARE MY BRAIN CELLS?!

I need some ginko nuts to eat, or have it in some pill form (or soup). I'm getting old and cranky these days too. Ugh. I'm grumpy all morning.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

an individual journey as a soldier

Work Tales - lunch with Snow Petrol, Felix & the full SoftLine Team :( I think I'm getting more and more anti-social as time goes on. Snow Petrol jokingly & loudly said during the meal: 'No Sales, No Food' :( In other words...if you don't show your numbers, you'll need to answer for it and you ain't getting anything else. Anyway, the lunch wasn't particularly interesting. It was very, very, very dry and not at all appetizing.

I am very tired with the management demands. I know it's not Iron Butterfly's fault. Iron Butterfly is just doing the job, what is rerquired of the position. But the work demands, it's as though I've to answer my life to them, like they're the stakeholders in my life somehow. I know that sales figures & performances are important but I don't like the way it's done, and I avoid it at all cost. I don't mess around with their work, or demand to know each and every detail. Just pains me that they feel as though they've a right to know & the approach is acceptable. They don't. Not to me. I'm not the most ambitious guy. I like playing the best friend. It's good to be the lead once in a while. I like my role the way it is.

'Do not fear the fear of failure. Do not fear to take chances. Do not fear of making mistakes that will shatter your confidence and fill you with doubts. You have to take a chance on life. When one door closes another opens but you have to look for that open door and not remain fixated on the closed door. Move on, you have done what you can. Learn from it and that will give you the confidence in the next venture' - UnKnown.

creation of local heros

Rock it out at the Sepang F1 Circuit today :)

Saturday, April 03, 2010

my keeper

Rufus, Natalie & myself had a very tough March Closing...we went through a very rough night together. The pain is really unbearable. Totally and utterly insane. But thank GOD, we manage to close it; minus RM25K short.
Natalie & myself will have to endure and face all of these alone in the coming months as Rufus is officially in the HardLiner's team now :( I will suffer the most as I have the slimest of the back margins. The feeling is like I take that 60 feet dive into the abyss and let the pacific ocean envelop me. I'm crying in the inside right now. If things really do get out of hand, out of control...worst come to worst, I just go and hide at Haakon's camp first :) There will definitely be days better than the others (I know)...and there will also be days where I wish never existed...which is month-end Closing Day :(