Sunday, December 30, 2007

Heroes And Thieves

Received a surprised-unexpected Christmas parcel from Troy :)
There was a nice blue color baby top, a silver pendant, a RED undie and 3 love letters!

Coffee Bean – Celtic, Wyatt, Damian, Trix, Eloise, Stavros and myself.
It’s been a while since I’ve shown my face around the industry social scene. I know heaps of people from all over the place, and I love catching up with them. I love hearing all the latest news and gossips, who’s working where, who’s doing what, who’s started their own business, who’s out of business, who has left in search of greener pastures. Despite the familiarity of it all, I still felt quite "out of it”.


Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
Cause it’s not my fault
I know I’ve been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I’m in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you’ve found that lover
You’re homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain.

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To Be A Better Man

- Robbie Williams: Better Man -

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

the moment

My Christmas consisted of -

Christmas Eve Dinner.
Christmas Day Breakfast.
Christmas Day Lunch.
Christmas Day Dinner.
The customary and obligatory visits.
Presents.
Fruit Cake & Rootbeer.
Ratatouille & Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World’s End.
Cassius’s SMS :)

C is back from Wellington :) Our childhood, our families, our interest were so different yet we stuck together cheerfully. We didn’t share the same neighborhood nor history, but together we make tons of discoveries. After our halcyon days of high school, our lives had dramatically diverged in ways we would never have imagined. We live in separate countries, yet at times, there were months, even years, would fly past without an exchanged word, written or otherwise. But suddenly, there would be the unexpected SMS :)

Club 21, The Circle & The Others – I wish for many more years of such bliss in the comfort of ones who know you so well, where words and affirmative actions are mostly not needed :)

Monday, December 24, 2007

dance with somebody


Merry Christmas :)

Sunday, December 23, 2007

a little off

I’ve got a new toy :) I have upgraded my 3120 (it went kaput last week) to 3110. I love this. I love the large buttons; it comes with a 1.8” display, 1.3 mega-pixel camera with 8x digital zoom. This dinosaur have improvised :)

Life & Work - I thought that I've finally gotten it behind me. Apparently, I hadn't. Though I wish it hadn't happened, I believe that in its own discreet way, it has made me stronger. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Or the next minute. What I do know is, despite these trying times, I've been striving to do my very best, but was it not enough? I'm exhausted. Stifled. Cramped. Sick. Irritated. Disgusted. I'm tired of waiting. But that is the only available option for now.

Callum - I confess that the fire still burns within. Yes indeed. But we are still running :)

Home (Thornlie) - Perhaps one day I'll return here; when I'm able to.

New Year Resolutions - Stay strong, don't let things fuck me up and keep my head above water. If the door to opportunity is open, walk in before it closes. Work hard. Play harder :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Life. Is made up of so many things.

Royale Bintang Damansara – I am truly humbled. If it’s mine, it’s mine. If it’s not, then let it be. They either have to take her in or take the both of us. I will not walk in a lone ranger. I will not hit out on my own people.
This morning session didn’t go so well. It was not one of my best performances. I was naughty, cheeky and mischievous…up to no good. The contents also not up to my expectations as well. I didn’t really leave a good impression.
I also realize why she is way better then me. Maybe Haakon is right about one thing – my age is a disadvantage because I lack the experiences and exposures. So, I will have to chase and look for these knowledge and skills to make myself richer.
Even though I am not happy being here…I’m stuck…but I have to shallow the bitterness and dig my way out. The light at the end of the tunnel is really beyond my reach now. The shit I go through; you can't even begin to imagine.

Wait, I shall. And I shall not let them consume me anymore.

# Life is unfair, complaining won’t make it any better but it sure feels good :)

Sunday, December 16, 2007

sayang

Sakae Sushi – Trix, Torres, Damian, Celtic and myself.
We ate a tasty Japanese dinner. All of us were chatty, chirpy, loud and happy. We truly enjoyed each other’s company. At that moment; my life was warm and fuzzy, in a world of Mr. Spider, clapping songs and cloth nappies :) It was so good for the soul. And it was a nice contrast to the busy hectic week just past. Good to be OUT SOCIALISING :)


*To me, hugging is just hugging. It doesn't mean anything else.

** I'm dreading the coming weeks. If anything, with all that I'm going to face, the only certainty to the whole equation is that there is going to be a lot of emotion boiling about and none of them are any good. The closure that I want is yet to come. With it, my heart and mind is starting to shut things out. No longer am I able to foresee what's ahead of me. No longer am I able to see what two steps ahead of me are. As it is, whatever is on my mind is impairing my ability to focus and do my job. It's impairing the way my body takes care of itself. It's impairing me to be…me.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Morning Wakes

I fell sick again :(

There are certain events in a person’s life which remind one that it is time to step back and re-assess. These signifiers are as unique to us as the fact that we are all individuals. Recently I tried hard to get things done, feeling anger that I’m so in-competent, feeling despair that I lack the motivation to carry on fighting. The reality is, when the PRESSURE IS ON; all notions of spontaneity, enjoyment and magic are lost from the moment. Sounds like a crisis isn’t it? I have reached a point where I don’t know what to do any longer. I practically gave up. I was heartbroken. The worst part is that I fell and have no idea how to stand up again.

Thus, I have decided to just do nothing and allowed space for new things to enter my life. In spite of my nail-biting and angst, I do realize that it takes time. That one can trust GOD, solitude…which is necessary sometimes for the answers to emerge…do not try to rush or hurry GOD :) It is true, life pushes us to grow. It’s nice to re-discover myself, re-acquainted with myself all over again. It is humbling to surrender to GOD and life; allowing it to dictate your movements. It frustrates to have to sit still and wait, but wait one must even when the answers are emerging very slowly. I’m still waiting for answers, waiting for GOD’s plans…

I colored my hair RED – now I looked like an Asian gangster chick :)

Sunday, December 09, 2007

BumWear

Atticus’s Invitation.
Haakon’s So-Called Willingness.
The French, etc.

A miracle and triumph that can only be described as the grace of GOD.

I just want a closure…come next year, I want to be able to open a new chapter.

Eunice & Edmund’s Wedding – Congratulations to the bride and the bridegroom :)

Sunday, December 02, 2007

LuarBiasa

Liverpool beat Porto 4-1. There is still hope… :)

Let Me Win, But If I Cannot Win…Let Me Be Brave In The Attempt – UnKnown.


I’m not as smart & intelligent as some people are (actually, I’m quite a blur sotong), I’m not that observant and wise either. I have always said this – I’m a piece of work in progress. The courage that I have to triumph over this obstacle - it was indeed priceless :)

I’m deeply confident, despite having a few rough edges. Or imperfections. Or shortcomings. Or just the kind of qualities that makes me somewhat unusual, unexpected and beautifully unique :)


Sunday, November 25, 2007

Nightmare At Wembley

England missed out on Euro 2008 after a heart-breaking 3-2 defeat against Croatia :( It’s a real disgrace that the Golden Generation that call upon some of the biggest names in world football had failed to get through a group that was regarded as easily negotiable when the qualifying draw was made two years ago.

This Week’s NightMare – I’ve already lost the battle. As a matter of fact I’ve already prepared my walk-out speech. I have failed; miserably. I was hired by Haakon to do A, but then change to doing B. B job task didn’t bring out the best in me. It reflects my weaknesses…not my cup of tea. The job match was not compatible, and certainly one that was not made in heaven. Nonetheless, I still thank GOD – because it could have been worse…much worse.

Indeed, who I am hates who I’ve been. I’m taking this FAILURE as a chance to start anew :)

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Proud To Be A G2

INSAP – the MCA’s think-tank introduced the concept of 2 distinct groups of Malaysian Chinese; the G1 and the G2. The G1 are Chinese-speaking, Chinese-schooled and comprise 85% of the Chinese population, while the G2 are English-speaking, English-schooled and comprise 15% of the same. The G1 subscribe to the notion of the three pillars of Chinese society – namely Chinese schools, Chinese organizations and Chinese media where as the G2; well, they are the Christians, Peranakans and ‘part of the Lions & Rotary club set’. Malaysian Chinese are comfortable with English & BM, but they lean heavily towards either English, Mandarin, Cantonese or Hokkien. The Chinese are brought up in a Rojak society and the average Chinese speaks four languages during the day:
(1) BM to Malay colleagues.
(2) Mandarin to Chinese colleagues.
(3) English to the Boss.
(4) Dialect (Hokkien/Cantonese) at home with the family.

I’m a G2 :) Both of my parents are G1. As a matter of fact, my Pa graduated from Chung Ling high school; one of the best Chinese school in Penang. I went to a national school for my primary and secondary studies. I speak English with my Pa, Cantonese to my mom and a mixture of English & Mandarin with baby sis.

Having a ‘national’ education, my school mates were a mixture of different races and all of us use the English as a medium to communicate; plus a bit of BM. It was only in college that I manage to brush up my mother tongue as a lot of my friends then was from the Chinese Independent Schools. They always tease me that I’m a 'banana' as I know less about the Chinese culture, heritage and history. My parents didn’t really force me to take up Chinese, therefore the literature, the exposure and the media that I have consumed throughout my childhood, my teens and my adulthood are all western influenced. People assume that just because I love European history, subscribe to western thinking…I desire to be a ‘Mat Salleh’. I don’t! Sheesh…what an assumption.
Sometimes, this upset me very much. Just because my rudimentary understanding of Chinese is shallow, that doesn’t mean that I am less Chinese and not proud of my roots. I am proud of my tradition and skin color just like everyone else. It doesn’t mean that I’m any less Chinese than the next person. I’m just one of those 3rd generations born away from the Middle Kingdom, and I’ve assimilated the local language and culture. I’ve only chosen to focus on a different aspect of history and way of life & thinking to complement my own.
I want my kids to be trilingual or even quadrilingual; speaks fluent English, Mandarin plus a European language or Japanese. A truly global individual.

WorkTales - I’m so confused. I try to sort myself out, and have only ended up more confused than when I began. Next week, I will be going to war. A battle where I will lose.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

One Step Closer


Postcard from Callum in Milan :)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

BBBS vlookup

Fredrik is VERY, VERY UPSET with me :(
Before I handle this project, Fredrik have praised me for having the needed personality traits to succeed in a working world. Characteristics that I would like to have and which I think I have in me; but didn’t have the chance to shine out as I was always in Celtic and Wyatt’s shadow. They were the main stars, me – being an extra is what comes naturally at that time. Seth did give me the opportunities; some I took and some I ignored. But the biggie opportunities was always reserved for Celtic; the apparent heir. I was never in line to the throne. But I didn’t mind because I was after other things.

Fredrik have said that I worked smart, I take the initiative, I am very independent, I am outspoken and I can do it…even The Bitch also acknowledges that :) It really makes me feels good. However, when I start to look after this account…things have been going downhill, everything is spiral out of control…I am very frustrated that I am struggling. I cannot deliver, perform and reach the benchmark. I feel inefficient and incompetent.
The main constraint is the IT limitation – having come out from a MNC company, this is my first time that I have such headache in generating reports. Previously all the process is automated, here is very manual & labor based and time consuming.
Secondly, there is no one to teach me. Yi Fan have been running the whole show all by himself, there is no one to back-him up. So eventually he left with his knowledge and skills. I was only attached with him for 10 days during the hand-over period and not all of the processes were completed at that time. I know where is the data information folder is but not sure how to extract the data. I’m stressed and I’m running out of time. I am unable to hand-in the work and failed in meeting the KPIs. I have been insulted, scolded and yelled at via the telephone from the Stations for my slow-ness. And things will get uglier and worst! Even though Fredrik have said that it’s not my fault, it’s the circumstances, systems and people but I am sure that right now Fredrik and Haakon think that I am incredibly needy, childish, selfish and insensitive. Maybe I am…but my heart is always in the right places. Plus the SONY HTS820 case…Yingze, how can you be so careless and ignorant?! This is my own doing. I damage my life.
I’m such a dumb ass. I really want to run away from it all :(

But the word 'COMMITMENT' keeps resurfacing in my life every day. The more I look at it, the more powerful it becomes, the more powerful it becomes, the scarier it gets, the scarier it gets, the more terrified I get of it, the more terrified I get of it, the more I feel like chickening out.

WHAT WE ARE TODAY IS RESULT OF OUR OWN PAST ACTIONS.
WHATEVER WE WISH TO BE IN FUTURE DEPENDS ON OUR PRESENT ACTIONS.
DECIDE HOW YOU HAVE TO ACT NOW.
WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT WE ARE, WHATEVER WE WISH OURSELVES TO BE.
WE HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE OURSELVES – UnKnown.

Got to keep things in perspective! I don’t know how long it will take me to stand up again
.

Monday, November 12, 2007

their affairs

Wyatt, Celtic and myself took a short road trip down to Seremban to attend Seelan’s Deepavali open house. In the car, we had our usual catch-up, talked about crap…it’s nice to know that some things don’t change especially when it comes to Celtic. It’s always about Celtic anyway :) We were bombarded with stories on how great Celtic is on-the-job, high paycheque, a loving boss, bright career future etc. And then it was Wyatt’s turn to show off.
Today, they are a real pleasure to hang out with :)

Seelan’s house was warm, charming, inviting and filled with the magnificent smell of mutton curry :) I ate lots.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

a misfortune adventure

The year has almost come to an end, and as always, I look back and ponder on my actions & events that have occurred; be it good or bad. The first 5 months have been terrific but after the 3rd of May, things started to crumble down. Now I feel – nothing; just heaviness. A weight of sadness and frustration. I feel that my brain is deteriorating and I’m becoming stupid by the day; thanks to my lack of ambition and initiative. But in life, choices that you eventually have to make or made…may not necessarily be pretty or wonderful.

I am not going to run away from IT anymore :)

Sunday, November 04, 2007

colorful palettes

My worst week of 2007!
I think I’ve sort of failed my way upwards really successfully :)

Saturday, November 03, 2007

the daily grind

THE MING ROOM – it certainly felt like homecoming to me :)
Everyone was there. Loves and hugs went all around.
There was Boss, Guillermo, Joachim, Lucius, Ping, Pietro, Tommy, Nikolai, Eloise, Seth, Celtic & Damian. Juan looked awesome. It was a sophisticated and classy evening of indulgence, unwinding and relaxation in the company of good friends.

That night was one of those significantly rejuvenating nights, where in a single moment of epiphany; I remembered who I was, who I am and who I want to be.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Flying Finn / IceMan

So Kimi Raikkonen won :( A gearbox glitch cost Lewis Hamilton a place in the history books as Formula One’s youngest world champion. The 22-years old British rookie finished seventh in the season-ending Brazilian Grand Prix, losing the title by just 1 point!
Well, 2007 Formula 1 Grand Prix is one that many people are not in a hurry to forget. It was a season that saw drama on and off the track, the controversial Spy-gate scandal, the rise of the first driver of Afro-Caribbean descent to race in F1 & the bitter personal rivalry between drivers from the same camp. I think Alonso is a cry baby. As world champion, he expected to be treated as number 1 and has become increasingly irritated at what he perceives to be McLaren’s favoritism towards Hamilton. He didn’t expect the youngster to steal his thunder by doing so well and better than him. He expects Hamilton to play a supporting role in helping him to retain the championship crown. If he wasn’t so full of jealousy, it won’t have lead to a complete meltdown in his relationship with Hamilton. These ingredients have injected the much needed life into the sport cum multi-million pound business.

Every young kid wants to be Lewis Hamilton. Schumacher who? :) I’m disappointed that Hamilton lost. He could have clinched the title back in Shanghai. Perhaps, it’s a good thing that Hamilton and Alonso didn’t win. Hamilton has made such a remarkable debut; sizzling the track with his electrifying performance and his future will be very bright. He has the skills, verve and nerve. He has shredded the F1 record books. When he won third-place in his first ever grand prix back in Melbourne, I thought it was a fluke, but it was a sign that better things were to come.
The ‘H’ factor is here to stay :) Can’t wait for 2008. The giant will rise, conquer and perhaps a win.

South Africa won the Rugby World Cup :(

Saturday, October 27, 2007

A Boy's FairyTale

The Firm held a Raya cum Farewell dinner on Monday night. So we makan-makan, borak-borak and then balik. The 5-course dinner was not that appetizing (munched up vegetables just feel like rubbery little blocks, meat is like spongy orange peel), speeches were dull - overall it was lame. Everyone just chatted, laughed and share stuffs in their heads. At the end of the night, we said Thank You & Good Bye to Mr. Chan (The Accountant who will be undertaking mergers and take-over projects at Deloitte), Big King from IT and Yi Fan.

No decision is good or bad at the time of making it. Only time can tell if it was a good decision or not – UnKnown.

I am truly humbled. I don’t expect my life to be satisfying anymore; it is enough if it is peaceful :)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Will.I.Am


I am waiting for the day to come where I can say - Life is here. The past is gone. Life is now.
To ensure that my soul is still alive, breathing and well; I shall cling on to thisThings happen for a reasoneven though I have yet to fully grasp the logic, reasoning and understanding behind it all. There is Hope. I shall wait for that day.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

shit happens

Had a lunch appointment with Jesz at Uncle Lim’s, Subang Parade. Catching up; we are college mates (former Olympians) and now The Circle are all grown up. Engaged. Getting married. Buying a house. Starting a family. It’s all happening :) And it’s happy scary because all of a sudden, we are in our mid-twenties, and the late twenties are quickly approaching.

My Pa was involved in a car accident on the Penang Bridge. Thank GOD, nothings happen to him, only Benz was injured. Somehow, with this incident; where a different picture could have occurred, I’ve learnt to treasure my family more. Realizing that GOD could have taken my parents away when their time comes without even giving me a warning. Quality time.

Nothing happens! I began to lost count the number of my failed attempts in my Seeking Assignments. Confidence and Faith are dented, bruised and wounded :(
When I say that it is boring, it does not mean that there is nothing to do, there are lots to do. Boring is when there is nothing to learn! I don’t want to sit in my cubicle and work, work on routine tasks where the process could have been automated in the first place. I’m not saying that I’m destined to do bigger things or challenge the world…I just want to learn. I do not want to remain stagnant. Why I keep on emphasizing on learning and experience? It’s because I want to do THIS in 2018. That is why I cannot remain stagnant and wasting my time. I need the exposure. If I’m not doing THIS, might as well, I just sit in the cubicle for good. And the environment…the surrounding, the people – unhealthy! I cannot believe that I am still alive :) I feel trapped. It's like I’m boxed in… I know there's an exit to this, but it's nowhere near me.
I have a lot of fear in me right now. I think this year would have been a good year if I never did what I did. Things would’ve been a whole lot different. Not better, not worse, just different. It’s still something I want but different; unlike now.

Aside from feeling frustrating, I’ve been feeling really lazy these last few days. It must be all this wet weather. Haakon & Fredrik notice. Oops…

Monday, October 15, 2007

snuggly wuggly


It was the Raya weekend, so we went shopping at Sunway Pyramid. Previously I did a short review on Pavilion KL; so today will be another short assessment on the RM550 million expansions and re-modeling exercise of Sunway Pyramid. The mall which first opened its doors in 1997, now boast an impressive built-up area of 4 million square feet with a nett lettable area of 1.7 million square feet. The expansion and re-modeling exercise also saw the number of retail outlets increased to 800 from the previously 300 outlets! Among the new brands are Dorothy Perkins, Marks & Spencer, GAP, French Connection, United Colors Of Benetton, Living Quarters and many more :) The expansion architecture reflected contemporary retail design with elements that echo the prevailing Egyptian theme - the 2 new domes are located at the Northern and Southern tip, themed according to the Sun God ‘Ra’ and ‘River Nile’ symbol using hues of orange and blue respectively. It’s divided into 4 precincts: Fashion Central, Asian Avenue, Marrakesh and Oasis Boulevard. What’s interesting, like the Pavilion KL; is that the Mall Management have segregated the brands according to their target markets. So the high street labels are all grouped together, the mid-range another grouping, the fitness & entertainment hubs are sequestered in their own exclusive enclave…so from a practical viewpoint, such a layout makes it easier for the discerning shoppers. Should they want specific labels and prices, they just head straight for a particular section…but then again, how’s that for separation of classes huh? I bought a nice top from TopShop – as Juan is throwing a party on Halloween :) The battle of the Malls begins and the next stop will be The Gardens at Mid Valley. Klang valley folks are spoilt for choice!

**Our Angkasawan Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor have blast off into space. The Russian Space Agency has picked the 35-years old orthopedic surgeon to spend 10 days in the International Space Station. A project courtesy of Russia after Malaysia Defense Ministry bought 18 Sukhoi jet fighters (SU-30 MKM) for RM3.42 billion. Forget about the arms deal, it is indeed a very proud moment. Malaysia Boleh! This is better than the other Malaysia Boleh events where we create the longest, the biggest, the tallest…that is just so crap. This is what we are talking about; intelligent breakthroughs. Nonetheless, behind these silly attempts, we must still acknowledge the spirit of unity and volunteerism among the participants.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Transcendence

Selamat Hari Raya :)

Rugby World Cup – The Wallabies & All Blacks are out :( Am truly disappointed. Was expecting that these 2 giants will face off in the finals. It will be one of those classic matches between bitter rivals of the southern hemisphere. And if Australia lifts the cup, it will be the prefect retirement for George Gregan. Now all hopes are dashed – will show my support for Jonny Wilkinson :) 4 years back in the finals at Sydney, it’s was not England who beat Australia, it’s was Jonny boy.

F1 Brazil – one of the tightest races ever. Go Hamilton :)

Work Tales – Teressa have left the building. Good luck :)
Fredrik has appointed me to take over the Chevron Project solely. Previously it was a joint ownership project and to take this uphill task on my own is certainly won’t be easy. I’m doubtful; unsure…my small shoulders definitely can’t carry such a big responsibilities. All the SOPs needs to be review and improvised. I don’t mind giving it a try. It’s just that it’s not the right time. I’m not in my element; I’m not up to it. Besides there has been a lot of discouragement and the negative energy is building up. Yet I want to survive and thrive despite the circumstances

Believe In What You Do. Don’t Regret Or Look Back. Be Original And Don’t Allow Yourself To Feel Inferior – ButterFingers.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

2:1

We had our stock count, and Haakon & Fredrik have requested extra help from The Bitch & her team. So the girl who tendered her resignation was there as well…I manage to grab her aside and we talk. She will be joining BORDERS in Singapore with her former boss. Lucky her. Before I left M13, I actually wanted to work in a Publishing house. I even sent my CV but I guess I was not good enough because they didn’t hire me. It will be grand to source and procure books from local & international publishers and book distributors, collaborate with domestic & foreign writers or even have my works published :) I remembered somewhere back in 1998 or 1999, C & I wanted to become the next Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Write and produce our own screenplays and get an OSCAR award for it. That was a long time ago. I have not penned anything for ages. And now when I looked back, my writings are a bit news-reporting like. There is the beginning, however my contents and my ending structure is always loose, never a nice, sharp finishing. But C is one of the best writers ever :)

Work Tales – I hand-over my Portfolio to The Bitch. Why is everyone wants to take my baby away. This second time may not hurt that much but still…I built something and I have to give them away. Yes, quit when you are at the top. But somehow, the experience time frame is kind of short – I felt like I didn’t enjoy it long enough. No wonder people say - Life is really about living it out, a hundred per cent, a hundred per cent of the time.


Spiritual Roots – Where are you? Why you didn’t answer my prayers? Is it because I’m not genuine? My prayers are not sincere? Have I sin, and this is sort of like a punishment for me? I have prayed for this and you blessed me with that. It’s not that I’m not thankful for receiving that, I’m beyond grateful, full of appreciation…but I want this; badly. And if you are not granting me with this anytime soon, then I pray that you will give me the calmness, the stillness, the peacefulness of my heart and equip me with internal strength. (I’m a Christian. I reckon that GOD is cool, loving, down-to-earth and has an awesome sense of humor. But his PR people need to lift their game).

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Baptism Of Fire

Chapter 3Pavilion KL. 168, Jalan Bukit Bintang, 55100 Kuala Lumpur. We had KFC for dinner and then window-shopping :)
Pavilion KL is the anchor of a world-class urban development comprising two luxury residential towers, a corporate office and a proposed 6-Star boutique hotel that together adds up to a total gross built up area of 3.68 million square feet. The place is divided into 6 precincts – Bintang Circle, Gourmet Emporium, Couture, Connection, HOME and Seventh Heaven. It is also the first in the country to feature street-front retail shops. This is the current new marketing strategies of property developers in marketing their hub which is moving from product centric to customer centric, embracing a one-stop entertainment platform with very good mixture of tenants and leasing. And not to mention, everyone is going bigger and racing to become more upmarket.


I love it. The bigger the retail space means the retailers have more items on display and that means I have more pretty things to look at :) Malaysia retail industry is changing for the better. And Pavilion KL is an excellent example. The next few months are going to be pretty exciting for the local shopaholics, international tourist, suppliers, retailers and property developers. It’s the season where our local retail industry is all geared up for some new and exciting brands that are finally making it to our shores. To keep pace, existing brands are looking at bigger stores that will provide us with more choices. It’s a well known fact that true shopaholics prefer to shop across the causeway and elsewhere in the region because they have more brand choice. In terms of brand development, awareness and market share, we lag behind Singapore, Bangkok, Hong Kong and Japan. Pavilion KL aimed to bring the shopping experience of the world famous New York’s 5th Avenue, Tokyo’s Ginza and Milan to our Bukit Bintang.
On the other hand, I’m wondering how are these brands are going to sustain itself with their pricey items that only cater to the small & rich segment and very high retail rent? When it comes to spending money, we’re still not willing to splurge on clothes. How many of us are buying as opposed to browsing? Not many of us can fork out RM2K for a top? Perhaps it’s the tourist that will provide the profit margin. But then again, tourist arrivals are pretty seasonal as well. But I also have heard stories that by selling 3 branded handbags a week, it was good enough to cover the overall operating expenditures. How true is it? No idea.
It’s good to have some up-market fashion but the affordability is questionable. There were many foreign brands that I have never heard of such as Thomas Pink and Mandarina Duck. They sound cute but they have my favorite brands as well - Hermes, Hugo Boss, Diane Von Furstenberg, Banana Republic, Marc by Marc Jacobs and Ralph Lauren.
And The Gardens Mid Valley; another upmarket fashion-focused shopping gallery which will be opening soon will be anchor by Singapore’s Robinsons. Malaysia can now reinforce its attraction as a top Asia retail hub.

After shopping, we had a stroll at the KLCC Park. We talked a lot. Talk, talk and talk. It was the past and present but never the future. I was glad. I don’t know when I am able to learn to let go, have a bit of faith and remember that life is full of good things to learn and experience too :)

Monday, September 24, 2007

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival




MoonCake Time :)

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Twenty-something female quirks explained....

Work TalesThe Bitch wants me to join her team. Of course she didn’t ask me herself, she got a third party to do it. I don’t like her. She doesn’t like me :) She is not sincere and having me on board is The Bitch short-term solution. One of her girls tenders her resignation. I have worked with this girl before on several occasions. And I find her to be very competent and efficient in her work. If this girl is delivering & performing; yet she wants to leave this company where she have worked for less than 6 months – that tells me that something is not right somewhere. The Bitch & I will just create more problems and headache for each other :)

Jobs are so scarce these days. I have been searching for ages – yet nothing fruitful turn up. I missed my M13 life. The pay may be peanuts but I was absorbing, learning and gaining so much. Here is lifeless. I guess I have to stick with what I have for now…even though I don’t really like what I’m doing and the situation that I’m in. I know that I must appreciate what I have and fully utilize the resources that are in front of me right now. But something is missing – I’m not happy. I have become very quick-tempered, impatient, aggressive, destructive and explosive. At times, I don’t even like what I see in the mirror. My soul is dying. I like to think that I’m a very strong, optimistic person with a positive outlook on life. I have no choice but to take full responsibility of my decision and its consequences.

The Call – The SMS and the calls have been less frequent now. I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing or a bad sign. You know, some people will just get bored, tired and they just finally give up and disappear from the picture. I’m not sure is it because I’m not the needy, clingy and dependent type or because I have not fallen head over heels yet :) I’ve been told that I have a lot of things to hide. Yeah, to a certain extent I do. I’m just not ready to share my private life. It is going to take some time to de-layer me :)

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Quake

I know it’s a bit late to feature this article in this blog, but hey…better late than never :) As Malaysia celebrates her 50 years of Nationhood, many speeches, expressions, opinions were written but this article written by Rafidah Abdullah has truly captured how all Malaysians feel today.

Fifty years ago, the people who were domiciled in this land made a social contract with each other. I wasn’t around then, so I don’t really know what went on, but this was the result: The Malays, who until then had constituted a people, a polity agreed to become a community among several communities in their own land and accept the huge numbers of Chinese and Indian migrants as co-citizens in a wholly new country. In today’s terms, this would be roughly equivalent to, for instance, China absorbing a billion Malay and Indian migrants and agreeing to form an entirely new nation with them as equal citizens.
The Non-Malays, in return, were to accede to the Malays certain privileges for a limited time, with regard to land ownership, scholarships, business licenses and civil service positions, as well as to a political system that ensured Malay pre-eminence.

Fast-forward fifty years. What does all this mean to my generation, a generation divorced from this contract made by national leaders, all of whom have since passed on? Thanks to the particular brand of communal politics born all those years ago, my generation has inherited a divided nation with one side feeling denied and frustrated and the other feeling insecure, and clinging desperately to a sense of entitlement. Very few understand why things are this way, or take a moment to pause and query why things have become this way. Don’t get me wrong; what was decided all those years ago was probably the best way for the country at that time. What is disturbing is that as a nation, we haven’t been able to move on from that starting point to create a real sense of belonging for our plural family.

Thanks largely to ‘ethno-nationalist champions’, we are still harping on how Malays get all sorts of privileges, at times entirely un-deserved, and how Non-Malays should just keep quiet and be grateful to be given a home here without even having to give up their culture and identity. Given that both sides have valid points, how many more years will it take for us to move on? We have such a long way to go still, and so many more issues to deal with. And this year, our 50th year as an independent nation, seems to be an opportune time for us all to take stock of what we have and set some goals for this dear country of ours…..

Sometimes I don't like the way my country is being run…till now I’m still very curious whether the Malays have already achieved their 30% quota of the economic structure. If they still haven’t – does that mean that all the government efforts, initiatives and policies all these years are a failure? Or if they have indeed have achieved that 30% - isn’t it about time that the truth be reveal and let everyone compete as equals? Can Malaysia have Non-Malays Prime Minister in the future? The next time I fill up forms – will I have to tick in the small box that says that I’m a Non-Bumiputra? What will happen to Malaysia & her rakyat in another 50 years time? By then I’m already 75…perhaps I will stay, maybe I won’t :)


* England beat Russia 3-0. Two beautiful goals from my boy Michael Owen. Whee :)

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I am hiding, tentative

* I am very angry, very frustrated, very upset with myself, with my life, with everyone and with everything!

I’m broke but I’m happy
I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I’m sober
I’m young but I’m underpaid
I’m tired but I’m working, yeah
I care but I’m restless
I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I’m free but I’m focused
I’m green but I’m wise
I’m hard but I’m friendly baby
I’m sad but I’m laughing
I’m brave but I’m chicken-shit
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything’s just fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is hailing a taxi cab


-Alanis Morissette: Hand In My Pocket-

* Owen scored another goal – England beat Israel 3-0. The Press reported that this is one of his finest goals of his international career. Owen’s 38th England goal; a sublime half-volley from 20 yards :)

Saturday, September 08, 2007

I Exist

Last weekend as the Nation proudly ushers in its 50th anniversary, I was away at Damai Laut Resort with Torres, Damian and Celtic. The beachy outing was terrific – I enjoyed the sunset, the cheap, fresh & delicious seafood, the majestic sea view, the soft white sand between my toes, the strong sea breeze, the ferry ride, the sea and the bonding session :)

Chapter 2 – The appointment was schedule at 2pm. However, I was kept waiting for 75 long minutes :( Luckily I spent the time shopping and manage to find a very nice top from Giordano with a 50% discount. We had a light lunch at StarBucks. Then I was shown pictures of trips taken in Australia, Hong Kong and Shenzhen. The atmosphere was just BLAND. The chemistry wasn’t there today. We both just wanted to end it there and then. I say this is The End. You know how they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder? In my case, it's the complete opposite for me - out of sight, out of mind.

Goodbye Ole, Welcome Back Owen – My Norwegian cutie Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has announced his retirement from competitive football but would remain at Old Trafford in a coaching capacity and would also fulfill an ambassadorial role. I’m not really a fan of MU but I’m a big fan to some of the players that has been groomed by Sir Alex – Ole, Roy Keane, Diego Forlan, Teddy Sheringham, Paul Scholes, Peter Schmeichel and yes even David Beckham – passionate players with skills that are above the rest.
Owen scored a goal! His first league goal since September 2005 when he claimed an 87th minute winner as Newcastle beat Wigan 1-0. It’s such a relief because his injuries could really kill off his footballing career for good. And finally Liverpool is at the top of the EPL table when they demolish Derby 6-0 and strolled through to the group phase of the Champions League with a 4-0 win over Toulouse :)

Why Am I Here? What Am I Doing Now?
I give up. YOU win. When things are meant to be…they are meant to be. No matter how I resists, no matter how hard I fought…things were just meant to be this way. It’s the fates. You can’t go against them. I am really lost. I’m trying hard to find my way out but the harder I try, the more lost I am. I am running in circles, I am stuck and have no idea which route to take :(

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Happy 50th Birthday Malaysia!


Negaraku, Tanah tumpahnya darahku
Rakyat hidup, Bersatu dan maju
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita, Selamat bertakhta
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita, Selamat bertakhta

Monday, August 27, 2007

SanLive

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a 3 year old would do)
Melt it down (you’re gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn


-Alanis Morissette: You Learn-

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I'm just here to scream!

I’ve make a horrible discovery. I’m blank. My skills are not as sharp as it used to be. What was once so natural to me – analyzing, branding, communication, planning, organizing, evaluating – has been totally zerorized. I have been doing less of those since joining Haakon; even though the monetary benefits have serves me well.
This can’t go on…I need a platform to enhance and add value to my skills and knowledge. From a local perspective, I need to go global. From managing a micro task, I need to upgrade myself in handling macro portfolios. I want the exposure and the experience. I’m really scared that at one point, I will lose the ability to use that part of my brain. Or I’ve forgotten how to do it and be a hard-nosed career professional. It’s a very scary thought. I’m aching to go back to do what I love doing. Sigh…I’m creatively frustrated.

And…I think the negative company is not good for my soul. And drawing strength & creating strongholds from other people’s contempt will darken my heart.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Real Girl

The cutting is more edgier. But it definitely makes my features more stand out. I think I will maintain this cut and do some highlights later on :) My hairstylist is a very quiet man yet very precise and loves going deep down to the details. But I really need to find myself a nice gay, male hairdresser who will squeal with delight when he sees me and who will love my hair more than I do :)

Yesterday was the warehouse relocation from GM to SAM25. So it was all work from 9am on Saturday morning till 12am this morning. My body is very sore now :(

Cake Delivery – I’m not ready to go there yet. I’m not ready to be at the finish line. I know that I should appreciate such thoughtful & sweet gesture, but I’m not ready to share my private space yet.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

pick me up, lose me again

MAA-MediCare Kidney Charity Fund – The Firm organized a warehouse sale where a certain percentage of the profits will be channel to the fund that is currently raising money to buy another 2 more kidney dialysis machines for its center. The Bitch was the champion of this event. I volunteer 5 hours of my time this morning…and the momentum is extremely slooow. It seems that the location we chose, the catchment area seems to be insufficient. Hopefully tomorrow it will get better. But today I met some really nice people, and had some really nice conversations :)

I have not gotten on a bus since I came back from Perth. Today I decide; for a change that I will take the bus. Ever since RapidKL took over, there were many changes. The busses cover more routes for customers’ convenience, bus tickets can be used for the whole day regardless how many buses and places you go, the buses are newer, wider leg space…still there are 2 flaws - it is still not disable friendly and elderly folks find it difficult to climb the high steps. Throughout the journey, I pass by my familiar landmarks, my high school, my StarBucks, my 24-hour McD…
It’s strange to think that the city was once my playground.
Smells of strangers. Coffee. Darkness. Music. Money. Friends.
Walking past places reeking with intimacy now grown cold.
The Bench. Sitting, truanting.
The Tree. Kneeling, gasping.
The Cafe. Standing, stressed.
The Shops. Leaning, lonely.
The city. Her streets. Her buildings. Her facades. Her dark alleys of colorless secrets. For years, she mocked my happiness & unhappiness. My doubt. My confusion. Obscuring me from myself. For years, she made me believe that running away was the only way. Some I ran, some I fought on :)

This week, things got a little better. Really thank GOD for walking me through it. I sense it's going to be one helluva long ride, and I ain't getting off anytime soon. I need to neutralize some of these mine fields, in order for me to get through in one piece. Nothing looks like it used to. My surrounding is so blurred, unclear. Their colors are all grey and ashen. Feels like everything is dying.

I miss, and I don't miss YOU at the same time. I don't know. I'd rather not know.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

What Simple Do

Chapter 1 – Lunch was at Kim Gary, it was not an excellent choice. I expect that the place chosen was somewhere that is quiet; away from the crowd where intimate conversations can take place. But no, Kim Gary was crowded to the max yesterday; our table was right near the entrance. So imagine the sea of people walking in, waiters & waitresses pushing their way through carrying trays of food, customers chit-chatting aloud…it was hard to hear each other and to concentrate :(
Then we watch ‘The Simpsons’. I love this dysfunctional Springfield family. The lines are always witty and the characters are entertaining & real. Homer Jay Simpson is such a lovable personality and a fun loser but what is admirable is that he always try his best in everything but of course his best doesn’t really match up to anything but not many real fathers have the courage to try :) It’s comical why Homer loves the pig in the movie so much yet he loves to strangle his notoriously naughty son Bart, dispirit his smart daughter Lisa and ignore his youngest child Maggie. Bartholomew Jojo Simpson is always memorable – in the movie he skates through Springfield in the buff; showing his doodle :) But there was also the missing familiar phrases – ‘Eat My Shorts’ and ‘Aye Carumba’. What is moving is that the family loves each other, stay together and grow together.
The highlight for the day was when we went up to the ‘Eye On Malaysia’. The city buildings were always in sight but the night view was not really that spectacular. I guess it’s because not many towers, buildings, skyscrapers was being lighted up. It was only the Petronas Twin Towers, KL Tower and the Istana Budaya. I can’t even see the Genting Highlands. The Arena Vision Light Show featuring 12 different light shows, program by a computer which was display through water screens at the lake look more awesome at the ground level than from the top. The light show is made possible through the use of sixteen 1200 Watt MSR light bulbs made in and specially imported from Italy. Overall it was one fun ride especially when it reaches at the highest peak. The fireworks display ends the night on a high note. The stars. Big stars, little stars, clouds of teeny tiny stars. The colors. The glorious wispy band of the Milky Way. The sparkling tinges of pinks, blues, purples, reds, greens, golds…details and textures of the night sky literally singing from the heavens. Glowing with unmistakable presence. Then it was dinner at the Starz; KLCC.
I think there are many areas that we need to work on, like The Simpsons – we still need to learn about each other, discover each other, grow with each other until we can find a rhythm that can keeps us going forward. I don’t foresee this to have a happy ending or even an ending. Nonetheless it feels great when someone open the car door for you :)


Work Tales - It bugs me to watch the industry happily going about its business. I feel like I’ve missed the bus or something. I watch Tommy, Nikolai, Juan, Celtic, Wyatt, Damian, Stavros, Eloise, Pierre Andre develop and evolve. Their folios getting bigger. Experience ticking longer. I really wish I can turn back time and un-mend the decision that I have make. I should have just said Yes to the First Triangle. Even though it was a final logical decision to join Haakon, I should have at least looked deeper and farther. After I left M13, things have gotten worst. It filled with emptiness and a lot of soul searching. I was tormented – yes TORMENTED to the point where if I took one more step, I'd be stepping on a land mine. I was trying to deal with a lot of issues. I don't think that it will ever disappear. And this is going to be a very long, tiring journey :(

Sunday, July 29, 2007

CrossOver

The Firm sent us to Pangkor Island for a Team Building Session. The theme was ‘Committed To Excellence: Pathway To Success’. Everything is being provided for free :) The whole event was outsourced to this Eco-Sports company that call themselves Play Village.

Day 1

7.45am – Depart from Sentral. To keep us from sleeping, Play Village got us to play Bingo and some deciphering games. Boring…I rather nap :)

9.45am – Tea Break at Tapah.

10.15am – Depart for Lumut via Gopeng.

1.30pm – Arrive at Rose Segar Bakery. Each participant was given a slice of cake and we have to decorate the cake creatively. Mine didn’t turn up that artistically, but it was presentable enough :) Then, it was follow by lunch.

2.30pm – Depart for Lumut Jetty.

3.00pm – Arrive at Lumut Jetty. Depart for Pangkor Island. The wind was strong, the air was fresh, the sea was calm :)

3.30pm – Arrive at Pangkor Island Beach Resort. Followed by Check-In. The place was perfect. It was serene and beautiful. I wish we could stay longer. My room was like a 30 seconds walk to the beach. The view was just breathtaking.


4.00pm – Team Activity 1. We are divided into groups of 10 and we can’t choose our team members. The Bitch and her friends was in the same group as I am :( So my group was definitely the bitches group. I ignore them. Each time a team session ends, I mix back with my own group of people. I love doing my own thing. With nothing to prove. Happy with who I was. Most importantly, avoiding the whole bitchiness and politics of group dynamics and inter-group dynamics. The first team activity was a cross-leg race. Both of our legs are tied and we have to race to the finish in the shortest time possible. It sounds easy but it was hard. It was all about coordination and working together. We tumble down a few times. Our first attempt was 60 seconds but we improved in our second attempt with 43 seconds as we begin to get our steps right.


7.00pm – Dinner. Main course was not that favorable but their cheesecake rocks :)

8.30pm – Team Activity 2. My favorite. It was a rescue mission. I was the hostage, tied up to the chair, with my mouth plaster :) My team members have to guide the ‘Blind Man’ over the obstacles course; find the key that was hidden under the chair to rescue me.

11.00pm – End of Day 1.


Day 2

7.30am – Buffet Breakfast.

8.45am – ExploraQuest Pangkor begins. It was a duplication of the ‘Amazing Race’. We were given clues to a particular location, find the location, look for more clues to our second location. We came in second :) It was so unexpected. Our team was not in the top 5. We were slow in fixing the puzzles, buying 6 items worth RM10.52…but I think we caught up in the later stage where we manage to pull out the longest noodle and fastest in sorting the Ikan Bilis :) It was fun. Not only we have to focus on the game but also paying a little bit more attention to your team members and the town in general. There is so much to experience in this tiny island.

12.30pm – Buffet lunch, followed by Check-Out, Shopping at Pangkor Island Town.

2.00pm – Depart for Lumut.

2.45pm – Depart for Tanjung Malim.

6.00pm – Dinner at Tanjung Malim.

7.00pm – Depart for Kuala Lumpur.

8.45pm – Arrive at Sentral. Tired but happy :)


And now I’m sick again :( It’s twice in a month. My flu has developed into a nasty head cold.

25th July – I said YES! But why do I get the feeling I'm beginning to thread on thin ice? :(

Monday, July 23, 2007

the beautiful scent

Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix.
James Blunt CD: Back To Bedlam.
MP3 Shuffle Pink Color.
Callum.

It was 6 blissful hours.
It was such a simple afternoon. Yet I was left with such a happy glowing feeling :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Summer Love

My nose feels so much better now. It’s no longer stuffed, clogged, snotty, grumpy and headachey :) And my taste buds are working.

Work Tales – I’m bored. I want more. I don’t find it stimulating enough :(
I came from an MNC company and am now based in a medium-sized local organization; even though The Firm is listed on the Second Board of the Bursa Saham Malaysia. M13 was a fast-pace environment and this is painfully SLOW. I feel that I don’t have quality anymore. I’m moving out of the loop so quickly. It scares me to think that I might be left out on the corporate shelf. On the other hand, I think I want a career change. I’d like to do something with a lot more soul. Something worthwhile, with purpose and value. I’d like to make a whole lot of good things happen.

Again…I wonder 'what if' I did something different. What if I didn't do what I did? Would it have been the right path? Maybe what I did was wrong because it created a mess not only for me but for others. But then again, there has to be a reason for everything.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Instant Star

I totally forgot that last week Saturday was 07.07.07. There was a Live Earth: The Concerts For A Climate In Crisis that was held around the world – Aussie Stadium in Sydney, Makuhari Messe Hall in Tokyo, Oriental Pearl Tower in Shanghai, Wembley Stadium in London, Hamburg, Copacabanta Beach in Rio De Janeiro, Johannesburg, New York – to persuade fans and governments to go GREEN! I think it’s persuasive to use famous singers, rock groups to come together, using their celebrity power to spread the environmental message across to their fans. But…looking at the scale of the concert and the extravagant set-up, I thought it will be wiser to use the money in a more appropriate way. Why not get the artist themselves to clean up the rivers, plant a tree for the future, beach clean-up, switch off the power for several hours, MNC to stop their factories for 1 day – you know, having the stars & corporate professionals to do some hands-on work; get their hands dirty to demonstrate that they walk the talk :) Nonetheless the concerts were hot! Shakira was sizzling when she sang ‘Hips Don’t Lie’.

Even in our very own KL, there was the Green Everyday Concert held at Bukit Jalil organized by SuriaFM. The organizers should get Jacklyn Victor, Maya Karin, Zainal Abidin, Cheryl Samad, Ashraf Sinclair, Sazzy Falak to clean up our Klang River :) As for me - be more responsible when utilizing and disposing the resources :)

I sent my pet tortoise back to the pet shop this evening :( Over the last 2 years, they have grown from the size of a fifty cent coin to the size of my palm. They have become so huge that they don’t have much place to run around in their house anymore. I thought of letting them go off to the lake…but I’m not so sure whether they are able to find food, protect themselves from the outside predators. They have been so sheltered all this time :) Will miss them much.


Argentina will beat Brazil in tomorrow's Copa America Final! :)

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Life is a drawing without an eraser

I am unwell :(

Work Tales – I came up with a solution to save The Bitch’s ass! :)

It was her fault, her negligence…thank God, I was alert at that time…or not I will be instructed to do that crap task. Life isn’t easy when you rebel against people who do you wrong. The Chevron project is put on hold :( Some of the contract details have yet to be finalized. I was so looking forward to it.

The music is on. No one is at home. The house is still. My afternoon has arrived.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

My Milky Way

My feet ache. I was wearing a skirt to work on Thursday. So whenever, I wear that skirt, I will match them with my white heels. And then later in the afternoon, Fredrik decides to take Haakon and myself to visit the '6th Malaysia International Gift & Premium Fair 2007' at the Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. The place was so huge and we walk from one end to the other end and my feet ends up with pinkish blisters :( We were given samples, exchanging business cards, grabbing catalogs, inspecting merchandizes and I walk out from the hall with 3 big full paper bags! I’m glad that Fredrik brought me along. It was nice to leave our cubicles, mingle, practice our social skills and meet new people we would not have otherwise met :)

There were so many local trade companies who participated and set up their booths at this year fair; with many of them displaying common items, only a few which have brought in some unique merchandizes. We were looking for merchandizes that comes with a low cost price tag but with a high perceive value in the market :) Redemptions, gifts and premiums are a niche market. Unlike BonusLink and RealRewards programs that reaches the masses, our clients consists of Banks and Oil & Gas companies who reward their members exclusively. But I find some companies who are doing redemption just for the sake of doing it because every competitors and players in that industry is doing it. I browse through some of their catalogs and many of the feature merchandizes can even be bought more cheaply in the hypermarkets. These redemption points are easily earned as when consumers spend a certain amount in a single receipt, consumers are entitle to earn certain points. For example, when Guardian was running a promotion for its Winnie The Pooh Series – every purchases of RM25 and above, consumers is entitled to get 1 sticker. Consumers must collect all 25 stickers to get the soft toy of their choice. Meaning that if I were to get my hands on the Piglet, I have to spent RM25 x 25 = RM625 to get the toy. With that quality, I think it’s cheaper to buy it at Toy R Us :) But for some consumers who tends to buys a lot from Guardian will just think it’s free and it’s just simply rewarding for being a loyal Guardian consumer. I think it’s a psychological thing :) Making a purchase, swap the card, collect the points and voila – redeem the desire item from the catalog and it’s free! Whether the points are perceived as free or not, I’m not going to waste away the points that I have collected because it comes from a hard-earn purchases :) People in this industry think that redemption is a way to reward loyal consumers, enhance the customer relationship, communicate to consumers on a daily basis – partially its true but I also think that the Merchants are the one who eventually gains more because I know of some consumers who spend crazily just to earn points to redeem the item that they wanted when that item can be purchase reasonably at somewhere else. Why make more transactions when you can buy the item where the selling price is less than the purchase transactions? And these points cannot be accumulated and bring forward. If the points are not sufficient to redeem something, the points will be burn off. And there are consumers who will make purchases to make-up for the loss points. It’s like making consumers spending unnecessarily. Of course Merchants have come up with a genius idea now where customers can top-up with cash so the points will not be wasted :) I missed M13. There was so much of bargaining power back then. We are talking by the thousands. Here the volume is embarassing. It’s skill not scale.

On another thought, as I was standing, peering through the high glass window – the Petronas Twin Towers was standing majestically before me. But this time looking at the structure, it evoked a different kind of emotion. In a single moment I thought of life before city lights. The millions of people who have looked up at that very same sky. And the very same millions of stars looking down on people passing by. People who weaved stories about the world they don’t understand. A world of eternity - existing and evolving, hovering above me and my family every evening. At this point of my life – where I am standing right now, I don't seem to feel anymore. Or maybe it's because I don't want myself to feel, because it's all too much trouble. And there was also a sense of pride glowing in me – the structure reminds me that comes 31st August this year, my country will be celebrating 50 years of nationhood :)

Thierry Henry – Good luck in Barcelona. Arsenal will miss you. And so do I :)

Saturday, June 23, 2007

COGITO

It was one Father’s Day that the family will remember :) I accidentally and unintentionally knock into another car; a blue Mercedes Benz, in front of McD at Section 9. The damage was very minimal – just a dent and a few scratches; below the lights and above the bumper. Thus the event witness my first time entering the police station, lodge a police report and was fined RM150 for the ‘inability to control the vehicle’. I misjudge the distance; I really thought that I could actually overtake that lady driver :)

Lewis Hamilton – Impressive! Impressive! Impressive! He is such a flawless driver, driving exceptionally well and what a grand debut he has made into the Formula 1. He finished all his races on the podium and he manages to secure the first spot in Montreal and in USA. He re-writes history. It’s just so thrilling to watch a rookie who races so amazingly. And I want him to beat Alonso! – It just brings back those memories of the past era where Michael Schumacher competes neck-to-neck with Mika Hakkinen. But last time it was Ferrari vs. McLaren. Now the competition is heating up between the team mates themselves – Hamilton & Alonso in McLaren and Massa & Kimi in Ferrari. No longer are we going to see a repeat of the situation where Rubens Barrichello was instructed to give way to Michael Schumacher in order for the latter to collect the maximum points. In this new season where the younger generation rules the track, it’s fair play all the way for the drivers with equal opportunities and technical support. I’m rooting for Hamilton :)

And David Beckham – I have to say he is one great footballer; especially on his signature free kicks but the brand name, hair cuts, tattoos, fashion statements and a posh lifestyle will always made the headlines first. I have to admire the way he picks himself up again after being told that he can’t play in any matches with Real Madrid and stepping down as England captain. It was like a repeat of 1996 when he was rejected by club, country and critics. Of course he was compensated handsomely with the millions of dollars that he will earn when he signed up for LA Galaxy and not to mention the Hollywood glamour. The Beckhams have become close friends with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Finally the Beckhams are penetrating the American market after capturing Asia and Europe market share. Nonetheless, Becks remain persistent and the long rest that he have actually do him good because he came back as a better player and he was rewarded for it as Real Madrid beat Mallorca at the Bernabeu. He won the La Liga. He is back in the England squad.
If anyone who have read the sports section in all the major dailies – there is actually a picture of Victoria, the mini-Beckhams; Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz; picture together with the Cruises at the stadium – a genius marketing cum branding ploy. Just as Tom & Katie were there to endorse Brand Beckham – Real Madrid & Becks were there to endorse Cruise. And I think Sir David sounds good :)

Had a lunch date with Chihiro today – companionship and conversations was great fun! Chihiro left M13 earlier than me; I admired Chihiro great courage to switch careers. There is limited promotion, increment, social networks…but somehow the ability to contribute back to society…that satisfaction is priceless. I would love to do what Chihiro is doing right now but…our priority is different. Maybe another 10 years down the road.

Baby sis is coming home :)

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Karma & Effect

2 weeks ago, I missed out on Torres farewell party, so I tell myself that I must attend Sverre Magnus exit bash and meet up with The Others :) Last night I finish work early, carpool with Saggi and Eloise to Telawi Street Bistro. It was a great party! I knew the familiar faces; I was happily floating around to different individuals all night, talking, chit-chatting, catching-up and taking silly pictures. It was FUN. And I really missed them very very much – Nikolai, Tommy, Torres, Sverre Magnus, Stavros, Pierre Andre, Trix…I still can’t find such camaraderie in the new workplace :) So overall it was a fun night, as the night wore on, there is still much laughter and merriment :)

I’m staring out into the night
Trying to hide the pain
I’m going to the place where love
And feeling good don’t ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain

Well I’m going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I’m not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don’t regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home
Well I’m going home

The miles are getting longer, it seems
The closer I get to you
I’ve not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love remains true
And I don’t know why
You always seem to give me another try

So I’m going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I’m not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don’t regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for
‘Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all
And then some you don’t want
Be careful what you wish for
‘Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah

Oh, well I’m going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I’m not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don’t regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
I said these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home
I’m going home

-Chris Daughtry: Home-

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Other Side Of The World

Last Sunday, Seelan invited us to attend his big bro’s wedding at Bukit Jalil Golf Club. It was a very lavish and bollywood affair :) The ladies; young and old were dressed to their finest…silk sarees in a variety of colors – red, pink, maroon, blue, green, brown, silver, gold – it was one ceremony that was exploding with colors. The ladies were also glittering from head to toe as their bodies were accessorize with gold jewelries; full of earrings, nose rings, necklaces, bracelets, anklets. However, the men folk were not that impressive, dressed in conservative colors of black, white, blue & gray. It will be a nice change if they can match the ladies. The ceremony was conducted in Tamil; everyone speaks Tamil, only a handful of the younger generation that was able to communicate in English. So we were very clueless as we don’t understand a single word of what the priest is saying through out the whole wedding ritual and blessing service. We make guesses by observing their body language :) Only 28 fair-skin guest witness the big day; surrounded by 180 of the bride & groom’s family members. Proud that we blended in, yet stood out :) It is actually good to have a multiracial facade in such events – it brings the communities closer. The buffet was delicious and there was no long wait for the food :)

I love doing events. I like to see the movement of the activities that bring events to life. I enjoy watching people coming in with their equipments to set up their booths, canopies, lightings, audio & visual system, displays, people rushing in & out, I like it even more if it is being conducted – indoors. The FNCC PartnersRewards Redemption Fair was held at the Astaka Field; it was hot & humid and my legs were aching :( I haven’t stand for such a long period of time since my days at Mirabell & FOS. The 2 days event didn’t end on a successful note; only manage to garner 40% of the 10million points. For me, it was a very poor outing. The management needs to do a post-mortem to find out where we went wrong. Was it the location, the dates, the communication, the merchandize? I find the location; even though it was in the central of the city, but the Astaka Field was not easy to find if you are not familiar with PJ. Customers will give up looking for it. The dates were Monday & Tuesday – it was also the first & second day of school reopening. The dates are fine with me because the customers are mostly SMEs and they will be even busier during the weekends; especially for those who owns restaurants, grocery shops or petrol stations if the event was to be held on Saturday and Sunday. I’m not sure how strong the promotion communication to the members was though; did the Key Account Managers manage to reach sufficient members to create awareness of the program that will eventually influence them to come for the redemption fair? The merchandize was unattractive. Lots of last year items. More like a jumble sale to me; to get rid of old stocks. I met people from HQ; we talk to each other on the phone and corresponded through email a lot but didn’t know how each other look like :) We chatted, caught-up and laughed about random and inane things.

The Bitch actually praised me for a job well done. I am totally shock – NOT. I don’t need those from her. She is a carnivorous. She bites. I enjoy working more under a male boss than a lady boss :)
I am happy that I am finally contributing. I have been here for a month and I manage to clear off the More Than 28 Days Backlogs and 21-28 Days Backlogs. The 14-21 Days Backlogs have been reduced significantly as well. My next challenge is to reduce the 7-14 Days Backlogs. The Less Than 7 Days Backlogs cannot be eliminated because that is the time frame for the deliveries. The trick is to reduce the Turn Around Time. On Wednesday, I was given the responsibilities to handle the Chevron project by Haakon which will take off next week. To be honest, the real reason Haakon brought me in is to do troubleshooting for the backlogs. Once all of the backlogs are clear and the Quantum Buffer System is in place, this position is no longer required. Nonetheless, I have learned lots :) But I can't do these forever...I have yet to feel what I want to feel.

Grey’s Anatomy is on now! :)

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Crash Into Me

Tuesday – Celtic’s farewell dinner at Sushi King, Subang Parade. A simple affair; with Seth, Wyatt, Damian and myself in attendance. The atmosphere was completely casual and relaxed. Everyone updated each other, chatted briefly, had a few laughs. One by one we are leaving…but I think all of us left with good experiences, beautiful memories and enriching personal growth :) It's for the better.

The Month of May has been rotten for me – where I have been feeling empty. It was a big step - I couldn’t click, I was not in the same wavelength, I felt out of place, I felt like I didn’t belong, I actually felt bad that I didn’t add any significant value. I was young, too na├»ve, too happy, a trouble…

But things have to change. I am a quarter-of-a century this week :) No doubt that I am still chasing, I am still running, I am still growing, I am still learning. But…I am not going to waste away my days anymore. There is so much to do and see. So much to live for. So much to love :) It’s time to settle into a new routine and discovering a new life. I want to do it, I have to do it.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

trying to find a sense of stillness in my heart

The weeks were a blast. Teng Teng got married! :) So it was another gathering for the SMKSSAAS gang :) M was in da’house – together with Andrew, Jack, Kevin and Samarkand. It has been 8 years since we graduated in 1999 – over the years, all of us has evolved as individuals, from a young single graduate, charging through life with the relentless pursuit of EVERYTHING :)
The bride was beautiful and glamorous. The dinner was simple and relaxed, with a whole lot of lovely personal touches. It was a nice night.

Callum came back! I was a little bit upset that I was not informed, yet was delighted with this nice surprise :) We make a good start…but as usual, the ending part is where Callum have to leaves again :) I’m used to it by now. Now you see me, Now you don’t :)

Torres drops da’bomb.
Amadeo drops da’bomb.
Sverre Magnus drops da’bomb.
CELTIC DROPS DA’BOMB…oh my gosh! This is totally crazy. Of all person, Celtic. Looks like the last one standing is Seth. Champ of the game :)

My laptop crashed due to a conflict between the hardware and the software – and I lost my precious collections of pictures, music, stories, diaries…everything. It’s so heartbroken :(

The Operation Process is so routine – I’m bored, I want to feel varieties. It’s just so easy for someone to say things out loud but to actually delegate to another person to carry out the mission, it’s just so difficult. Maybe this one is not ready to let go, and the other one is not ready to receive them yet.

Reflection – hated it.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Easy Silence

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could‘
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could‘
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could‘
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

-Dixie Chicks: Not Ready To Make Nice-

Saturday, May 19, 2007

un-blinged

13th May, 2pm – 6pm, Dave’s Deli >> it was one of my best 4 hours during that miserable week. I make the first move :) and I was happy with the end results. As I have said before, he makes a lot of attempts when we were at M13, but as we were sharing the same barracks, I just don’t feel right. Perhaps, the timing is right now. I feel that we share enough common ground to become more that ‘hello & goodbye’ sort of friends. We talked a lot, we explore a lot of topics, some were serious, some were just silly…I like the way when he respects my opinions on certain issues even when we were standing on the opposite sides. He doesn’t try to change my mind, he didn’t demand that he was right, he was just happy that we can agree to disagree when we were looking from a different point of view and disagree to agree that we get to see things from a different perspective. It definitely won him a few brownie points. He is overall a nice guy. In my list of dating/relationship requirements, I really didn’t care about a guy’s look or race. It was all about confidence, stability, eloquence, a sense of humor and the ability to hold an interesting conversation. Cassius makes me smile! A lot! :)

I still kept in touch with The Others. I am glad that they are doing ok at the moment. Heard that The British has been unkind…they have been bullying in a subtle kind of way :( It’s just not our luck. If M13 were managed properly, running profitably…we will not have this ending :( It hurts me deeply when one by one, each vent are being closed down for renovation and re-open under a different name. It cut me when I have to give my baby away. There are so many things that I wanted to do. I didn’t even have the time to launch my ‘Coffee Bean’ and ‘Latte’ Mug. I didn’t get the opportunity to indent my Pitchers. My whole 133 Account just gone in one day! :(

Mom is on vacation – to Hong Kong & China with my aunts and uncles. She was so excited. This is her first overseas trip :) She came from a poor family, didn’t have a decent education like the one that my sister and I had, she married my dad and gave him 2 daughters. I remember that there was a time, mom did mention, if she has a proper education, she would not have married dad :) If mom has the opportunities that my sister & I have, I believe she can go far…very far. We live averagely. Sometimes, I wish we had a little bit more money so we can live more comfortable. I’m not saying that I’m not thankful. I am thankful that I have a roof over my head…but it will be nice if we can move out from this 2-room apartment to a 4-room landed property. Dad could have afforded to buy one…but I put my family through shit to support my education. I don’t know whether I can ever re-pay that debt. That is why I have to work hard.

This morning I had brunch in Coffee Bean with a friend; inhaling coffee fumes and having a healthy meal that consist of salads, toast, scramble eggs & non-oily sausages – it’s really important to have friends to motivate you, to lift you up, to teach you. I hurt in places. I couldn’t even think straight, act straight or talk coherently. I’m going to give myself a chance and give it a shot. 150 jigsaw pieces…it certainly looks easy to piece them altogether, unfortunately not. There is 1 particular piece that doesn’t seem to be able to fit in. No matter where I try to place it, somehow it just couldn’t find its place, fit right in with the other pieces to finish a complete puzzle.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

life is the sum of all your choices

3rd May – I think I made a mistake. It’s not a small one, it’s a BIGGIE. I truly regret.
The only thing to do right now – is to pick myself up again, to have the courage to right the wrong. I am quite messed up in the inside right now. I have so much to learn :(

Sunday, April 29, 2007

change is the only evidence of life

This week is my last week in M13 :( I was tearing and was holding back my tears. I don't want to cry and make a scene even though it was acceptable :) My desk is cleared, my belongings are in the boxes, say my goodbye to everyone, thank you’s and hugs went all around and had my Exit Interview done. Everyone is curious of where I’m off to. Everyone is speculating :) I remain mum and keep the whole thing as low profile as possible. Now, I felt relieved, like the excess baggage has lifted off from my shoulder. I am excited of joining Haakon yet at the same time – I got cold feet :) There are a lot of Ifs. What if I didn’t have a good boss? What if the new environment sucks? What if the people there bully me? :) The next few days I really need to rest myself and do my homework. I need to be mentally, emotionally and physically ready for the coming challenges and shouldering heavier and more responsibilities. The coming weeks – it might be a lovely moment, it might not be. Frightening. Beautiful. Bitter. Sweet. And most definitely sappy :) I can’t remember where I read this – No Matter Where You Go or End Up At, If You’re A Good Seed, You Will Grow, Blossom and Bear Fruits Of Blessings For Others. I hope I’m made of a good seed.

On Wednesday night – Seth & Celtic bought me seafood dinner at 'LaLa Chong' near the Subang Old Airport. To my surprise, they together with Trix, Thor and Lucius bought me a farewell gift – an ESPRIT Watch. I didn’t expect to receive such a pricey present. I keep telling myself that I have crashed through the barrier. I have to stop worrying and start relaxing. I am up to the plateau where I just need to do whatever there is needed doing.

Thursday afternoon – manage to catch up with Ping for lunch. We had nice conversations and it prompts me to take up that first step :)

On Friday night, Juan, Nikolai, Tommy, Pierre Andre and Amadeo celebrated with me at Telawi Street Bistro. Kakak also came back from Vietnam. We had sirloin steaks, italian pizzas, spring chicken and the yummy dessert: chocolate volcano. The chocolate was great. Hard and solid, then melty and smooth, creamy and velvety in your mouth :) I enjoyed the night with well-spaced drinks, lots of water, food, sitting at the verandah accompany by the cool night breeze and not standing directly in front of the loud speakers :)

This afternoon – hang out at Joachim’s place for Joachim’s belated birthday. The usual suspects: Juan, Nikolai and Pierre Andre. The dark brown IKEA table was laden with KFC variety bucket, 2 Dominos pizza, chicken and potato salads and the birthday cake. We swap stories and gossip about our week and a bit later, find ourselves discussing the Integration & Harmonization – from the concept, the structure, the people, the system & procedures, the front & back administration, the air-condition, the smoking zone, the layout…every single details :) The coming weeks will be very interesting to see how The British move its human capital around to fit into their structure. Too bad, I will not be there to witness the grand event.

I never painted dreams. I painted my own reality -Frida Kahlo-

Saturday, April 21, 2007

"The Heavens Hear My Soul"

On Monday morning – I have this weird happyness feeling in me. I don’t know how to describe it…I was just very happy for no apparent reasons. I looked up at the sky; it was a pale blue, I feel the cool morning breeze on my skin, the trees seem greener and the air seems fresher…somehow. Maybe I’m just more aware that I’m alive :)

The Others organized my farewell lunch on Wednesday :( I am going to missed them so much. My work here is done. I have learned and experience the Integration & Harmonization Process. The conditions here just aren’t conducive to me staying anymore. I will never be given the opportunity by Seth. Seth & Celtic are partners. It’s a duo partnership, never a trio. They are inseparable and they complement each other. I will just never fit in. The last 25 months have been hard work where the pay is crap. But it’s heaps of fun, full of laughter, satisfaction and inspiration :)

Cassius drop by on Friday morning at M13 to collect some documents :) That moment was grand. Cassius makes me smile :) But I know that I was too late :( I should have allowed the affiliation to grow but since the both of us are in the same barracks – I just don’t feel right with such arrangement. Well, I’m really enjoying my singlehood now and I don’t think I’m that ready for exclusive commitments in the near future.

The British invited us for their ‘Celebrating Success’ party at PJ Hilton with a 'Friday Night Blues' theme. It started very late but the alcohol was flowing, there was dancing & light-hearted cruising, DJ Basil from FlyFM was the night’s Emcee, pretty boys & girls packed from corner to corner – all dressed in shiny blue tops, elegant strapless blue dresses, in blue tank tops, in blue fitted tops, in blue revealing tops, in blue backless tops, in blue fairies frocks – and there was a group of women from the British Apparel Regiment who dress up in blue secondary pinafore…trying very hard to act cute & young. They don't look the part. Lucky Draw prizes were very good – branded electrical stuffs which I was not lucky to win. I only got a souvenir bag and a goody bag because there was a blue card that was stick underneath my chair. I was on a table with excellent company – Torres, Sverre Magnus, Trix, Seth, Juan, Tommy, Nikolai, Pierre Andre – full of chatting, baby stories and crazy antics. I have lots of happy conversations with the people I knew :) This is my last event with them :(