pain is temporary, quitting is forever

Call me immature, rude, selfish, disrespect, no team spirit, emotional, rebelling, boycotting...whatever...I just don't feel like wearing that bloody shirt! Iron Butterfly had bought the whole Baz Team a Giordano "WE CAN DO IT" shirt and everyone was wearing it on last week Friday except for Damian and myself. Damian couldn't find the shirt while I told some concern people (including Iron Butterfly) that I brought the shirt to work, it's in my bag but I don't feel like wearing it! :) The words do not reflect how I feel that day. I cannot relate to it. I cannot do it. And yes, a small part of me wants to rebel against Iron Butterfly! :) I am against Iron Butterfly. I am furious, angry that Iron Butterfly did not ask Sumen to stay, angry that Sumen's effort was not being appreciated, angry that with such shortage of manpower situation...Iron Butterfly decides to park the Assistant Buyer permanently under D31. Iron Butterfly should at least let the entire department have a sharing basis until a new Assistant Buyer is on board. Then there is Trix who is instigating from behind and Celtic spreading...so yeah; I'm pretty being misunderstood by everyone right now! :) Whatever.

When we look at ourselves and others, do we have a tendency to see more of our own strengths and more of other people's weaknesses? If that is the way we tend to view things, we (sadly) will never be a blessing to others. There are people who tend to only utter criticism, but never encouraging words. And it is usually because such people find no room in their heart to accept, see and hear about other people's strengths. If there are people who are better than me, how should I react? I should accept that fact and be thankful for it. When we have a big heart that is big enough to accept other people's strengths & victories, we will be a happier person because we are happy for that peson. Let us strive to have a heart and mind that can accept other people's strengths, enjoy other people's victories and verbally acknowledge other people's talents & gifts.

It has been an emotionally challenging journey for me since my little brother's departure and with Rufus who is still grieving...I am emotionally very tired. I found myself in a pretty dark place. Between life, work, loss & family, it seemed as if everything was close to unraveling apart. The emptiness has been filled with shades of grey from my own inability to create spontaneous rainbows. I guess the Care Bear in me took a vacation :) I was so close to a tear ; but yes, one rule under yingze's roof...no tears! No tears of any sort! Only love, laughter and buckets load of joys! Hahaha.

This is 'lifelong learning'. I'm only 27. That's not a long time to have been around, but I treasure every moment I've been lucky enough to have, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll have many more to come. Even though, its not a very long time...yet I like to think that I've seen a fair bit in that short time. We all place bookmarks in our life to highlight and chronicle the passage of time. While some people delineate those milestones by happyness and joy, I tend to mark mine by pain :) I know that things will get better, hopefully tomorrow brighter. Goodness needs to come into my life and stay for a while...I will do better and re-act better. I take pride in what I do and it really does show how much I've grown as a person. My responsibilities and words to others have become much more important than my personal emotions or inadequancy. In fact, my work portfolio continues to give me the confidence and creates a focus for me to fight all of the negativity that I battle with everyday...but the truth is, they also give me hope :)

Take Every Moment, You Know That You Own Them.

It's All You Can Do, Use What's Been Given To You.

i'm standing tall, i'm walking tall

"sometimes you just need to be alone. sometimes, not even your best friend needs to know. sometimes, you need to put up the walls so you can examine yourself in the peace and quiet. sometimes the loud sounds need to fade away, leaving you only the silence and you; that's it".

life seemed so much more precious to me today...and my blog has become even more of a celebration of the everyday moments in my life.

i'm gonna skip along...quite merrily baby :)

a cup of love

Meet Joyce Wong!

A hot, petite, pixie-face chick; with attitude who seemed to party non-stop! :) And her hair...I love her short, punky and rock 'do. I didn't know that short hair can come in so many styles and I salute Joyce for being able to carry them effortlessly.

A few months back, I stumbled across a very hip, happening & interesting blog - KinkyBlueFairy. After popping in and out of her site, I've found myself quite entertained and deeply fascinated - for me it's like seeing how the other side lives. Ah, so that's what real party girls get up to! What a jam-packed life! She has so much energy. And I love her fashionable outfits. But I will never wear any of them! :) Dare not!

Joyce's pet project is Tongue In Chic - a very cool fashion blog that is based in Malaysia. It is such a cool platform for the shopholics, the local new & upcoming fashion designers & buyers, the media, the youths, the bloggers and the communities. It's definitely a regular stop for anyone who wants to keep in touch with fashion in the Asia region. I just love the range of stuff that she and her team covers. Everything from fashion shows, fashion events, bargain hunting, the latest trends, sales, designers, fashion ideas, fashion scouting trips in Hong Kong, Bangkok, China, the many media events, product launching, communication & branding conferences, social parties and many more. So damn happening!

To me, she come across as someone who is ambitious, fearless, inspiring and original. It's fascinating to read another person's detailed account of their life (what's more a life that is totally a different facet from mine) and then how that someone was at her lowest point, pick up her pieces, moves forward and then triumph in such a spectacular way! Her mix of dedication, professionalism and vision is clearly reflected in the quality of her writtings, the life that she is living in, her visions and perhaps the styling of her brand.

Sadly, Joyce has decided to resigned from TIC as Managing Editor last week to embark on new adventures but will still contribute to TIC on a freelance basis. Good luck :)

I've alway been a believer in doing what you're passionate about, expressing yourself how it bubbles out of you best, dressing how you feel for the day and brave from being a typical stereotype - Joyce

"I know there's a heaven"

(a life cut short. an untimely death. a loss) :(

"Our world changed forever when we lost our friend and brother Stephen".

That was how Ronan Keating summed up the turmoil the four grieving Boyzone members have gone through since losing their bandmate Stephen Gately. Flanked by Keith Duffy, Mikey Graham and Shane Lynch, the boys was in Spain where Stephen died last Saturday; aged 33, and from there that his body was due to repatriated.

Ronan added "We have come to Majorca today to accompany our pal on his final journey back to Dublin, where we will know he will be given an unforgettable send off tomorrow".

Thanking fans for their countless messages of love and support, the pop star even summoned up a smile and a humorous remark.

"Stephen, he said; loved being center stage and was probably looking down on us right now, wishing we'd move over so he could flash his smile for the cameras one more time".

"Stephen's mother didn't want him to be alone in the dark, so Ronan, Keith, Mikey and Shane have stepped up and will sit with Stephen's body" their heartbroken manager Louis Walsh explained. "He was like their little brother and they want to be a friend to him in death as he was to them in life".

(news & pictures from hellomagazine.com)

workplace trauma

Sumen Kwaina,

My little Indian brother...your departure this week from The French took everyone (especially me!) by surprise. I was shocked! You were very firm & stood your ground and couldn't be bothered whether Iron Butterfly will eventually release you or not. You didn't even give Iron Butterfly a chance. I salute your courage and boldness :)

To Iron Butterfly & perhaps to many, you are very disorganized & messy :) and have caused many troubles & problems here and there for everyone (with me; being your partner in crime) but to me...today, at this very moment...you have blossomed into a smart, mature, sociable & confident little gentleman.

But now, I can't imagine my work life without you on our otherwise quiet stereo. You are the spicy chili in my tandoori. You are the sirens, the fireworks, the drums, the sparkle. You bring so much joy and laughter into my work life. Then there's your long, curly & beautiful eye lashes. And your cute puppy dog eyes. You're a wonderful and charming little person with a great big heart & personality. This Gundu will miss our weekly Tamil lessons a lot. I really am so proud of you. I hope you know that.

We all go through tough times. Unimaginable difficult life challenges. Sufferings. Difficulties that no one else would seem to ever understand. And the reality is, each of us would go through such situations; regardless of our academic accomplishments, work acheivements, beliefs, religions or material possessions. And recently I was reminded again of this statement:

What Makes A Person More Mature In The Eyes Of GOD Is Not The Actual Suffering Itself, But The Person's Responce Towards And During The Challenging Situation.

May GOD, The Redeemer and Source Of Life, give us all the strength and perseverance that we need to go through our life's challenges. However big. And however small. We are never capable of doing anything unless GOD gives you the strength and capability. And I'm so thankful to GOD for all of that!

Kurenga,

To my very best working friend,

My special travel companion,

My perfect match,

My unwavering strength,

My glow of inspiration,

My favorite Implantation buddy,

My efficient Operation boy,

My talented handyman

...you rock my world babe :)

foodie week :)

Christine & Hendry's Wedding, Gu Yue Tien Restaurant, Chulan Square - one of the best wedding's I've ever attended for many reasons:

(a) absolutely funny speeches

(b) a sporting groom singing to his bride

(c) great food overall

(d) wedding guests were fun :)

Makan Durian - with Trix, Damian & Drew. Drop dead delicious all the way! :)

New Business Opportunity - dinner was lovely. Chatting to Seth was great. And most of all, it was amazing for me to feel alive at 8.30pm :) Seth was brainy and fully awake in presenting the new business plans. Me. I'm an incoherent aching zombie with puffy eyes. Yes, I think this business plan can work; provided that I am willing to take the very tough first step and move out from my very own comfort zone. I want to do well on the money side of things and have more time for myself. Will give it a very lengthy thought. I'll cross the bridge when the right time comes :)

BBQ Plaza & StarBucks - I caught up with some old friends of mine yesterday evening - Miss Klein, Torres, Wyatt, Drew, Trix, Celtic, Mel Jag & Damian. We ate a very delicous pork BBQ meal and made our way to StarBucks for coffee and cakes. It's always so cool to hang around with good friends; talking, laughing, joking, gossiping and simply being yourself. Knowing that they love you for being you :) I am too tired to be ecstatic, but I am glowing with relief, joy and fulfillment. Days will blur into each other and I'll miss all of the details of my life.

Being entrenched with day-to-day living & work, I really don't get to spend a lot of time hanging out with my friends. As in, just hanging out and being silly :) Talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I know it's never going to be easy to do this sort of thing on a regular basis. So, I can only just be grateful when I do get the chance to have fun and celebrate life & friendship with wonderful people - both long lasting friends and new. Whatever it was; after a fun week...I'm all hyped up all over again to take on new challenges. I'm not tired anymore. I know what I want. I'm stubborn like that *wink*

i think i will be okay

Work Tales:
Prince Badminton Racquet Fair - RM4.8K
Kiddie's Fair - RM68.6K
Outdoor Adventure - RM96K

I am such a ding dong at times :) I finally understand why I am not as ambitious, aggresive and competitive as everyone else...I never work with the intention of acquiring the next promotion or getting the next position. I am paid for my work and I need to give & do my best. I want my family & myself to be proud of the work I do. If the promotions & positions come along, they are just the icing on the cake. So, I work honorably. I work hard and enjoy it :) Whatever I do, I do it well. When the sun sets and I retire...what do I have but relationships? :)

No doubt, I challenge myself with each project...I push boundaries and assess feedback as a point of judgement. There are habits that I have to teach myself to be accustomed to; its the way I analyze, re-act to and judge every instance of my job; which unfortunately has naturally now become everything of what my life is all about! Instead of focusing on the things that I should be doing right next; I was unfortunately dwelling on all the stumbles that I've made since. I've had my moments of whinning; so yingze's feeling better now :) she's gotten pretty jealous at the improvements & progress of her other fellow comrades that have been making lately.

I don't look at my experiences now as better than theirs. I know that currently, some people will envy me more than others, and it's always going to be like this - there is always someone better; always someone worser. Is life fair like this or unfair like this? I don't know...we humans...we like to give qualitative labels to the conditions in which we allow ourselves to live our lives. When the fact is just like this - A Flicker, A Moment & Then It's Gone.

headache in ZOUK

Chic Pop (Bazaar Fashion Flea Market), Zouk KL. 7am - 7.30pm. Organized by Tongue In Chic.

This is my first time that I am attending such an event so I was very thrilled, inspired and buzzing with excitement! :) I was really looking forward to this new shopping experiences and getting new clothes for myself. I need a revamp :) Sadly, my wardrobe these days consists of jeans, jeans, jeans, t-shirts, tank tops and some work shirts & a few work skirts. I've nothing decent to wear these days. I'm so afraid that I'll end up looking like a tramp at work or at a party. I usually look unkempt and messy :)

A fashion flea market being organized in a nightclub instead in the usual open area - I find the idea new, bold, fresh, creative, risky and different. I think this event will be a huge success. I saw lots of people; especially the young ladies dropping by; they bought so many things, the vendor's business looks good as well. The event showcases a diverse range of fashions. It caters to women who are seeking original, everyday, affordable, funky, alternative high-end labels and local upcoming fashion designers labels. There are some nice tops, lovely print dresses, great t-shirts prints, good quality garments, gorgeous handmade purse and jewelry. Nice fashions but I was not tempted to buy the stuffs. The designs are too hip, quirky, retro, vintage to my liking. So un-yingze :) The pieces are more like ready-to-wear-clubbing clothes to me. But I bought a very pretty ring though (similiar design to the middle picture). I actually prefer the design on the left but the available colors was not to my liking.

Baby Sis really bought a lot. She thoroughly enjoyed herself there. I love my sister's sampat sense of homor and her adventurous spirit. She never ceases to entertain me with her stories of weird-ass things.

Baby Sis really stock up to the max but I was suffering from a major headache. I find the air-condition was too cold (i was freezing in there) and then, there are some people who are either inconsiderate or don't have the common sense...by smoking in an air-condition room. If you want to act cool - please do it outside. Aslo bump into Bremen who is launching his very own fashion collections...and local celebrity bloggers Niki Cheong and Joyce Wong! :)

I think I will stick with the shopping malls instead :)

vintage & chic

Another bumpy week for me. I'm miserable with despair and frustration. It has been very hard and I'm not feeling as strong as I was. Long reviews, lots of exchanges, questions and interrogations with Iron Butterfly. I'm just so tired. Back to back - Subang Revamping, THO Opening, Bangsar South Opening and now Malacca Compacting. Everything that I had going for me - has suddenly ballooned to an unimaginable magnitude. It's pretty overwhelming. The life I lead now has somehow faded away. Yes, I make a mess, yes I struggle...yes I make mistakes...yes I forget...yes I lose things...and yes I am ocassionally late for my appointments...I don't know how to be both mentally and psychologically strong anymore! I'm meant to work towards something for my family. It's the least I can do for them.

I need a loooog break...and I don't mean the weekends. I truly need a long break that last for months :)

"i know it seems hard sometimes; but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that, so no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep ya head high...and handle it"