Sunday, November 25, 2007

Nightmare At Wembley

England missed out on Euro 2008 after a heart-breaking 3-2 defeat against Croatia :( It’s a real disgrace that the Golden Generation that call upon some of the biggest names in world football had failed to get through a group that was regarded as easily negotiable when the qualifying draw was made two years ago.

This Week’s NightMare – I’ve already lost the battle. As a matter of fact I’ve already prepared my walk-out speech. I have failed; miserably. I was hired by Haakon to do A, but then change to doing B. B job task didn’t bring out the best in me. It reflects my weaknesses…not my cup of tea. The job match was not compatible, and certainly one that was not made in heaven. Nonetheless, I still thank GOD – because it could have been worse…much worse.

Indeed, who I am hates who I’ve been. I’m taking this FAILURE as a chance to start anew :)

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Proud To Be A G2

INSAP – the MCA’s think-tank introduced the concept of 2 distinct groups of Malaysian Chinese; the G1 and the G2. The G1 are Chinese-speaking, Chinese-schooled and comprise 85% of the Chinese population, while the G2 are English-speaking, English-schooled and comprise 15% of the same. The G1 subscribe to the notion of the three pillars of Chinese society – namely Chinese schools, Chinese organizations and Chinese media where as the G2; well, they are the Christians, Peranakans and ‘part of the Lions & Rotary club set’. Malaysian Chinese are comfortable with English & BM, but they lean heavily towards either English, Mandarin, Cantonese or Hokkien. The Chinese are brought up in a Rojak society and the average Chinese speaks four languages during the day:
(1) BM to Malay colleagues.
(2) Mandarin to Chinese colleagues.
(3) English to the Boss.
(4) Dialect (Hokkien/Cantonese) at home with the family.

I’m a G2 :) Both of my parents are G1. As a matter of fact, my Pa graduated from Chung Ling high school; one of the best Chinese school in Penang. I went to a national school for my primary and secondary studies. I speak English with my Pa, Cantonese to my mom and a mixture of English & Mandarin with baby sis.

Having a ‘national’ education, my school mates were a mixture of different races and all of us use the English as a medium to communicate; plus a bit of BM. It was only in college that I manage to brush up my mother tongue as a lot of my friends then was from the Chinese Independent Schools. They always tease me that I’m a 'banana' as I know less about the Chinese culture, heritage and history. My parents didn’t really force me to take up Chinese, therefore the literature, the exposure and the media that I have consumed throughout my childhood, my teens and my adulthood are all western influenced. People assume that just because I love European history, subscribe to western thinking…I desire to be a ‘Mat Salleh’. I don’t! Sheesh…what an assumption.
Sometimes, this upset me very much. Just because my rudimentary understanding of Chinese is shallow, that doesn’t mean that I am less Chinese and not proud of my roots. I am proud of my tradition and skin color just like everyone else. It doesn’t mean that I’m any less Chinese than the next person. I’m just one of those 3rd generations born away from the Middle Kingdom, and I’ve assimilated the local language and culture. I’ve only chosen to focus on a different aspect of history and way of life & thinking to complement my own.
I want my kids to be trilingual or even quadrilingual; speaks fluent English, Mandarin plus a European language or Japanese. A truly global individual.

WorkTales - I’m so confused. I try to sort myself out, and have only ended up more confused than when I began. Next week, I will be going to war. A battle where I will lose.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

One Step Closer

Postcard from Callum in Milan :)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

BBBS vlookup

Fredrik is VERY, VERY UPSET with me :(
Before I handle this project, Fredrik have praised me for having the needed personality traits to succeed in a working world. Characteristics that I would like to have and which I think I have in me; but didn’t have the chance to shine out as I was always in Celtic and Wyatt’s shadow. They were the main stars, me – being an extra is what comes naturally at that time. Seth did give me the opportunities; some I took and some I ignored. But the biggie opportunities was always reserved for Celtic; the apparent heir. I was never in line to the throne. But I didn’t mind because I was after other things.

Fredrik have said that I worked smart, I take the initiative, I am very independent, I am outspoken and I can do it…even The Bitch also acknowledges that :) It really makes me feels good. However, when I start to look after this account…things have been going downhill, everything is spiral out of control…I am very frustrated that I am struggling. I cannot deliver, perform and reach the benchmark. I feel inefficient and incompetent.
The main constraint is the IT limitation – having come out from a MNC company, this is my first time that I have such headache in generating reports. Previously all the process is automated, here is very manual & labor based and time consuming.
Secondly, there is no one to teach me. Yi Fan have been running the whole show all by himself, there is no one to back-him up. So eventually he left with his knowledge and skills. I was only attached with him for 10 days during the hand-over period and not all of the processes were completed at that time. I know where is the data information folder is but not sure how to extract the data. I’m stressed and I’m running out of time. I am unable to hand-in the work and failed in meeting the KPIs. I have been insulted, scolded and yelled at via the telephone from the Stations for my slow-ness. And things will get uglier and worst! Even though Fredrik have said that it’s not my fault, it’s the circumstances, systems and people but I am sure that right now Fredrik and Haakon think that I am incredibly needy, childish, selfish and insensitive. Maybe I am…but my heart is always in the right places. Plus the SONY HTS820 case…Yingze, how can you be so careless and ignorant?! This is my own doing. I damage my life.
I’m such a dumb ass. I really want to run away from it all :(

But the word 'COMMITMENT' keeps resurfacing in my life every day. The more I look at it, the more powerful it becomes, the more powerful it becomes, the scarier it gets, the scarier it gets, the more terrified I get of it, the more terrified I get of it, the more I feel like chickening out.


Got to keep things in perspective! I don’t know how long it will take me to stand up again

Monday, November 12, 2007

their affairs

Wyatt, Celtic and myself took a short road trip down to Seremban to attend Seelan’s Deepavali open house. In the car, we had our usual catch-up, talked about crap…it’s nice to know that some things don’t change especially when it comes to Celtic. It’s always about Celtic anyway :) We were bombarded with stories on how great Celtic is on-the-job, high paycheque, a loving boss, bright career future etc. And then it was Wyatt’s turn to show off.
Today, they are a real pleasure to hang out with :)

Seelan’s house was warm, charming, inviting and filled with the magnificent smell of mutton curry :) I ate lots.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

a misfortune adventure

The year has almost come to an end, and as always, I look back and ponder on my actions & events that have occurred; be it good or bad. The first 5 months have been terrific but after the 3rd of May, things started to crumble down. Now I feel – nothing; just heaviness. A weight of sadness and frustration. I feel that my brain is deteriorating and I’m becoming stupid by the day; thanks to my lack of ambition and initiative. But in life, choices that you eventually have to make or made…may not necessarily be pretty or wonderful.

I am not going to run away from IT anymore :)

Sunday, November 04, 2007

colorful palettes

My worst week of 2007!
I think I’ve sort of failed my way upwards really successfully :)

Saturday, November 03, 2007

the daily grind

THE MING ROOM – it certainly felt like homecoming to me :)
Everyone was there. Loves and hugs went all around.
There was Boss, Guillermo, Joachim, Lucius, Ping, Pietro, Tommy, Nikolai, Eloise, Seth, Celtic & Damian. Juan looked awesome. It was a sophisticated and classy evening of indulgence, unwinding and relaxation in the company of good friends.

That night was one of those significantly rejuvenating nights, where in a single moment of epiphany; I remembered who I was, who I am and who I want to be.