you got to have faith and hope

My 100th post for this year…wow…felt like I’ve reach a milestone in my blogging ‘career’ with Blogger.
My first blog was on 24th September 2005 at 11:26am. It took me 3 years to get here; 254th postings…boy, I’m real slow :)

I think it's really true when people say that time flies by after you hit 21.

Here I am. And it is a new beginning. A new step. I am happy that things are moving forward. Things are happening. I have faith. I just had to let myself go through the whole process. Sometimes the darkest moments in our lives aren’t when we hit rock bottom. Sometimes the darkest moments in our lives is when we hit rock bottom and realize that the abyss actually goes on forever :)

It's almost 43 months since I've entered the hectic hectic world of the FMCG industry. Life was busy and it was all about keeping up with my deadlines. I remembered the tiredness. I remember the bleakness whenever a challenge was thrown at me. I remember having no joy in my spirit when things weren’t going my way and knowing that my former colleagues were doing so well in their career. I remember trying to live - one day at the time. Having to concentrate on just getting through that single day. It was too painful to think about the future, or life. I remember the sheer focus, the mental discipline and having faith in GOD that was needed to stop myself from going mad. The thousands of terrible and depressing thoughts, raining relentlessly in my head; images I couldn’t stop, clouding my view, gripping, choking, dragging me down to that deep, dark place. I remember GOD then. Holding on to this really huge floating thing that kept my head above the water. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it, nor why I was doing it at that time, but it was big, much bigger than me, and it worked. I had to wait for so long. I nearly gave up. I remember the helplessness. I remember I couldn’t do a single thing to change anything. Nothing. Just hopelessness. Emptiness. And heart-wrenching sadness.

Then came HER & and that one breakthrough. I thank HER for where I am today.
I’ve experienced failure, depression and rejection but also found success and triumph. Now; looking back...it's bittersweet. I'm still a piece of work in progress...but i'm growing up.
I discover one of life’s sweetest words – it’s GRACE. It heals all that is broken inside me and makes me want to change my life. To live the best I can. With purpose. With significance. With gratitude. With happiness.

Then there was Cassius, Callum & Torres – I admit. I’m bad at relationships. I’m bad in managing them. Come to think of it, I might even have a beautiful ending with either one of them…if I didn’t screw up…

What's next? I wonder.