why change me now?

I am very bored...I am on a downward spiral...everyday I just DO, DO and DO - but I do not see any positive growth or encouraging figures. It's very de-motivating, depressing and de-moralizing. Questions are being asked but I have no answers to them yet. Do I want to transfer to another category or should I change to a new environment?

Then on Wednesday night, Atticus gave me a call :) Thank you GOD for the opportunity. I am glad that I am forgiven...but I decline Atticus's invitation politely. I may feel frustrated of my current situation but I am not ready to let go yet. Some part of me still thinks that the right thing to do is to stay...for now.

'a HEALTHY you' campaign = RM14K :( so depressing! Where did I go wrong?! I'm pretty stoked that I can produce such miserable numbers...am I putting unreasonable high expectations on myself? On my performance? I remember that throughout the whole campaign, every moment of every day is filled with doubt and fear. Every day the weight - of everything - gets heavier and heavier. Nonetheless moving forward, each condition is an opportunity to become a blessing. I'm not that SUPER. I have just gotten used to all of the hard work, the juggling, the busy-ness, adapting and being organized. Numb and immune.

My days consists of hard work...hard hard work. No, I'm not stressed out (maybe a little), but some people around me are very very stressed...for what reason, I have no idea. It just annoys the hell out of me that when I walk into their space I get sucked into that "I'm so bloody tired and so tied up with work" kind of negative energies. With poor sales results, it certainly doesn't help my day either as well. Everyone is beating me drop dead. I feel so inadequate. Whatever it is, I'm begining to find everything a little too grey to be happy right now :)

I think when the day ends, and when you shut down to go home, its time to leave your worries behind. It's hard, but it's necessary. You can't carry that kind of weight around you all the time, no one can, we're all human bodies and we're not designed to carry such burdens 24 hours a day. When we sleep, we're supposed to release it all, and let it go. It can be done. I can't say that I'm successful at letting my worries go, but I think I am able to park them some place temporary and pay full attention to relaxing when I need to relax. And GOD knows, everyone needs to relax every now and then.
Let's learn to count our blessings. In all kinds of circumstances :)