pick me up, lose me again

MAA-MediCare Kidney Charity Fund – The Firm organized a warehouse sale where a certain percentage of the profits will be channel to the fund that is currently raising money to buy another 2 more kidney dialysis machines for its center. The Bitch was the champion of this event. I volunteer 5 hours of my time this morning…and the momentum is extremely slooow. It seems that the location we chose, the catchment area seems to be insufficient. Hopefully tomorrow it will get better. But today I met some really nice people, and had some really nice conversations :)

I have not gotten on a bus since I came back from Perth. Today I decide; for a change that I will take the bus. Ever since RapidKL took over, there were many changes. The busses cover more routes for customers’ convenience, bus tickets can be used for the whole day regardless how many buses and places you go, the buses are newer, wider leg space…still there are 2 flaws - it is still not disable friendly and elderly folks find it difficult to climb the high steps. Throughout the journey, I pass by my familiar landmarks, my high school, my StarBucks, my 24-hour McD…
It’s strange to think that the city was once my playground.
Smells of strangers. Coffee. Darkness. Music. Money. Friends.
Walking past places reeking with intimacy now grown cold.
The Bench. Sitting, truanting.
The Tree. Kneeling, gasping.
The Cafe. Standing, stressed.
The Shops. Leaning, lonely.
The city. Her streets. Her buildings. Her facades. Her dark alleys of colorless secrets. For years, she mocked my happiness & unhappiness. My doubt. My confusion. Obscuring me from myself. For years, she made me believe that running away was the only way. Some I ran, some I fought on :)

This week, things got a little better. Really thank GOD for walking me through it. I sense it's going to be one helluva long ride, and I ain't getting off anytime soon. I need to neutralize some of these mine fields, in order for me to get through in one piece. Nothing looks like it used to. My surrounding is so blurred, unclear. Their colors are all grey and ashen. Feels like everything is dying.

I miss, and I don't miss YOU at the same time. I don't know. I'd rather not know.