Before I handle this project, Fredrik have praised me for having the needed personality traits to succeed in a working world. Characteristics that I would like to have and which I think I have in me; but didn’t have the chance to shine out as I was always in Celtic and Wyatt’s shadow. They were the main stars, me – being an extra is what comes naturally at that time. Seth did give me the opportunities; some I took and some I ignored. But the biggie opportunities was always reserved for Celtic; the apparent heir. I was never in line to the throne. But I didn’t mind because I was after other things.
Fredrik have said that I worked smart, I take the initiative, I am very independent, I am outspoken and I can do it…even The Bitch also acknowledges that :) It really makes me feels good. However, when I start to look after this account…things have been going downhill, everything is spiral out of control…I am very frustrated that I am struggling. I cannot deliver, perform and reach the benchmark. I feel inefficient and incompetent.
The main constraint is the IT limitation – having come out from a MNC company, this is my first time that I have such headache in generating reports. Previously all the process is automated, here is very manual & labor based and time consuming.
Secondly, there is no one to teach me. Yi Fan have been running the whole show all by himself, there is no one to back-him up. So eventually he left with his knowledge and skills. I was only attached with him for 10 days during the hand-over period and not all of the processes were completed at that time. I know where is the data information folder is but not sure how to extract the data. I’m stressed and I’m running out of time. I am unable to hand-in the work and failed in meeting the KPIs. I have been insulted, scolded and yelled at via the telephone from the Stations for my slow-ness. And things will get uglier and worst! Even though Fredrik have said that it’s not my fault, it’s the circumstances, systems and people but I am sure that right now Fredrik and Haakon think that I am incredibly needy, childish, selfish and insensitive. Maybe I am…but my heart is always in the right places. Plus the SONY HTS820 case…Yingze, how can you be so careless and ignorant?! This is my own doing. I damage my life.
I’m such a dumb ass. I really want to run away from it all :(
But the word 'COMMITMENT' keeps resurfacing in my life every day. The more I look at it, the more powerful it becomes, the more powerful it becomes, the scarier it gets, the scarier it gets, the more terrified I get of it, the more terrified I get of it, the more I feel like chickening out.
WHAT WE ARE TODAY IS RESULT OF OUR OWN PAST ACTIONS.
WHATEVER WE WISH TO BE IN FUTURE DEPENDS ON OUR PRESENT ACTIONS.
DECIDE HOW YOU HAVE TO ACT NOW.
WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT WE ARE, WHATEVER WE WISH OURSELVES TO BE.
WE HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE OURSELVES – UnKnown.
Got to keep things in perspective! I don’t know how long it will take me to stand up again.
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