Let The Bullets Fly

Last year, one of my mottos was to 'Enjoy Life'. Which I did :) I experienced, I enjoyed & I embraced my life. It helps me to feel that I'm growing as a person, and that I'm making the most out of my life. And I've always love the idea of looking back, making conclusions & planning for the future. And I've never felt so relax and on top of things as I do now! Minus the current Demolition news of course! It's a part of my everyday life, and now I invest in keeping it that way. With the Demolition news, it will take awhile to digest; but the rainbows will be back. Not in full color just yet; but good enough to sing a joyful tune! Yay!

This year; I'm looking for something more...it's still about life but the whole idea is 'Living A Balanced Life'. In 2009 - I was at the peak in certain areas of my life and there were some low moments as well. So I want to balance things up a little. Last year, I admit; I was a bad juggler :) I didn't enjoy the feeling like a Chinese acrobat; finely balancing multiple, spinning plates on sticks...in a constant state of frantic anxiety. If any of the plates would slightly tip over, everything would collapse and fall, all hell would break loose! Disaster! Catastrophe! A huge mess! And I have to pick up all of the pieces and start all over again. Eventually, I wasted so much of my energy on stress and regret. I want the balance to just come naturally this time around.

I will learn not to expect so much of myself, not to be so up-tight when things go wrong, and just enjoy life! I will forgive myself quickly when I make mistakes :) I will focus on things that are important. I plan ahead. I get very organized. Crossing fingers; and everything else will fall into place very nicely. I want to live with style & spirit. I freely admit that I don't exactly know how to do this right now. But I do know that I want to live a magnificient, inspiring, motivated, productive & passionate life! So I'm going to explore it over the next few months. And I'm zippy with excitement! And I hope this will somehow spark something in me that will make 2010 a wonderful year for me and the people I love!

But when it comes to work - honestly, I don't know what the future brings for me and I'll confess that there are times when this uncertainty makes me a tad nervous. New bosses, new colleagues, new portfolios, new challenges. I'm afraid. Afraid that I cannot manage, unable to cope. I am still in the recovering stage. If this didn't turn out well, I will not force it unto myself. I no longer want to carry the weight. I found the freedom last year, and purely enjoyed it very much. I will just walk away, close the chapter behind me and open a new one instead. But I'm also very determined. I'm determined to develop my interest in my existing portfolio & new tasks, to educate myself about the art & craft of the business and to become a part of the scene.

"Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye. It just feels easier to keep holding on. But in the long run it's usually a good idea to let go, it's the daring thing to do. It allows room for new things, for transformation. And maybe the goodbye isn't even forever, but you can't know until you really say goodbye and mean it. In some cases, goodbye is really the end, and good riddance" - Unknown.