a way to be good again

The 'Demolition News' have been finally & officially announced this week. A new organization structure. The French call it 'Optimization'. In my humble opinion - it's demolition. It's silly. Lack of integration & coordination. But hey, it's the top management decision. Team Baz will be divided into 2 groups: Rufus, Stewart, Wendy, Christine, Damian & Tin Min will be in the HardLiners Group while Celtic, Patrick, Matte-Marit, Natalie & myself will be a part of the SoftLiners Group. My new Chief-In-Commands are Felix and Snow Patrol. This arrangement will take effect in April. Iron Butterfly will then go back to Singapore.

I am lost. I don't have the sense of purpose and ownership anymore. I am tired. I am only waiting for the right time and opportunity. I am not only angry & upset that there was no salary adjustment & no additional helper - but I have to take up 1 more Department. I can't even cope with my existing work, yet moving forward I will be given additional tasks, roles and responsibilities on top of my existing workload. During my appraisal - Iron Butterfly told me to wait...I did. I feel cheated. I am now the most foolish person on earth :(

I am going to miss Rufus very very much :( For him; a thousand times more :)
It's pity...when Rufus & Iron Butterfly first came on board, the team was in a mess...all of the experienced buyers left. And when the both of them start to re-build the team; we were hit with an economic crisis & a very strong competitors attacks and then their 2 years contract come into an end. I guess the French wants us to deliver the results fast; but we were just too slow, too late. We didn't deliver, we didn't perform. And now, we have to close down the whole division. It's hard for Rufus & Iron Butterfly to give their children away. Life still moves on.

I think I will go and numb myself; stop caring...stop worrying...stop thinking, the less frustrated and upset I'd be. I need to be able to live out of a suitcase, to not have baggage of any sort. I need to be able to cut whatever's holding me down. I will carry myself above this and smile again for what it's worth :)