Lately, I feel that the French environment is no longer conducive for me to stay anymore. There are too many restrictions & limitations. I understand and I also agree to a certain extent that these policies have to be implemented in the first place due to our circumstances that we are in currently. But it is very cramping my style and suppressing me. I have a mild aggressiveness and a little bit of sales oriented in me & when I am not given these platforms, I feel suffocated. In the end, the Outdoor & Luggage Fair which Juan Carlos promises to fight back for us remain futile. Toys fair is extended to next year - 2013. I know that this year I will need to do a very strong balancing between my ideas for the department with the vision that Juan Carlos have. I am not saying that I am wrong, hey - Juan Carlos could even be right. But I strongly believe that in our business module today, we need a strong balance of local suppliers & importations products. We need to identify items that drive in the sales, that delivers the margins and contribute values to the department. Previous accumulated mess and shits must also be cleared and eliminated with courage. We are not in the final stage yet, therefore I do not know what the outcome will be like. Our chances are 50 - 50. I have learned from Iron Butterfly the art of anticipating and I know what the problems that lie ahead are. I believe that every problem have its own solutions, even ignoring it is also a solution in itself. But life is fragile and unpredictable – we should not subject ourselves to such torture – let me get near the bridge of the problems or when I have the free time, I will then figure out the solutions to the problems.
I feel drained and empty and I need to replenish my energy levels. Nearly four years with the French feels like an eternity. Time wears you down and I’m worn down for sure. Perhaps, one day I will come back to manage a Division but I can’t replenish myself if I immediately return as a Buyer right now. This has been the best place possible for me but I am doing what is my duty & responsibility. If I carried on I could have compromised my team as much as myself. I respect them far too much to stagger on just being here. I also notice that I have been very negative too. And I know that this will affect my team emotionally. I have to stop mentioning the word Resigning & Transferring :) I think that sincerely that the next person who will replace me will have greater things to bring that I can’t. The demands are very high, as is the pressure, and the Manager must be strong and have the necessary energy to pass on to the team and inspire them. I need to recover this strength and you can only do that by resting. I need to rest and move away. I’m already a dead person. Whatever Juan Carlos wants me to do now and change a number of times – I already do not have the energy to fight back, to insists on my points, to voice out other ideas, to highlight the pros & cons…instead I just go with the flow, nod my head and just do it. I even give Juan Carlos the green light to go down to our counter-part in Singapore to buy Luggage. I’m a very animated, impromptu person – these days I am just lifeless. That is why I have to find my passion & motivation back. I have decided to leave and now I need to look for opportunities to move forward.
I am looking forward to GOD’s plans for me. Perhaps, the company above will not be a part of me. I have to continue to look and search harder. I'm grateful that the Lord has brought me this far…and for me, this is the moment in my life where I really felt that I needed some time off.
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