It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

Attended S’s engagement dinner last night. It was indeed a very pleasant surprise because all of a sudden S informed me that she is getting engaged and the wedding will be held in November this year. Prior to that, I have not heard that S is dating or seeing anyone. S was so beautiful last night. She was decked in gold from head to toe and her sari; drop dead amazing. Again, I love the Indian's culture of colors. S was happy…but I also could sense as this was an arranged marriage; arranged by her doting parents...where S and her fiance only dated for several months…I could feel that she was somehow rather unsure. But I guess for S…she knows what are her priorities and I know she placed her family above all else. And Jananee (a former high school friend) was in attendance as well. Offcially a doctor right now...medicine is a serious & hard field, don't let the TV series (ER, House, Private Practice & Grey's Anatomy) fool you...there are no glam to it at all.

As for me, I haven’t found my best friend and my romantic soul mate all rolled up in one yet. Let nature takes its own course…but for the time being I am happy as I am, I don’t need anything to confirm how happy I am :)

I know that I’m no longer a social butterfly these days…but it's not that I don't like people. It's just that certain events have made me poignantly aware of how short life is and that I shouldn't waste my time. Is it so wrong that I'd rather be alone than spend time with humorless people lacking in intellect, emotion, empathy or character? Ok, maybe I'm getting old. Recent conversations with friends are convincing me that this may be much harder than I have realized and there remains a fairly decent chance that I will die alone :) Which I hope not. Even though, if I do not have my other half with me in the future...having good companions is more than good enough. When I was younger, I meet up with vastly different kinds of men because I wanted to expose myself to a diasporas of individual personalities. Now that I'm older, I tend to find myself to be far more selective. Or maybe the proper word is discerning :)

Nick Hornby once said that it was no good pretending any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party. A small part of me tends to agree with this sentiment. Especially at my age, the idea of being in a relationship with someone who shares my interests and similar perspective on life is warmly comforting. I tend to be very passionate about the things I love so there's a large part of me that wants to be with a men with whom when I read a great book, hear an amazing song, watch a deeply moving film or discover a new restaurant, I can run up to him excitedly and yell, "Look what I found! This is US!"

On the other hand, doesn't every couple start off by talking about all of the things that they have in common? And if the relationship doesn't last, don't you just end up thinking about all the ways you were so different? More importantly, isn't life much more interesting being with someone who not only has different interests but also brings a different perspective to life? When it comes to the subject of compatibility, I confess to being as confused as I have ever been :) We get together with people because they're the same or because they're different, and in the end we break up with them for exactly the same reasons. Now granted, there are many other aspects besides compatibility that are important to any healthy relationship. However, when you're single and thinking about whom you'd like to date, compatibility tends to take on a heavier weight.

I've always not been fairly good at meeting men. At the same time, I've always been fairly good at being alone. Maybe a little too good. While I am an avowed romantic who firmly believes that no man is an island, I also find myself thinking more and more at this age that perhaps the ideal goal of a relationship between two people isn't a merging of two individuals. On the contrary, maybe the healthiest long-term relationships accept that, even between the closest people, infinite distances exist and the key to happiness is to not only wholly love someone but also to be comfortable with the great expanse that inherently lies between you. Then again, maybe I just think too damn much :)