Every You, Every Me

Rupa-rupanya, I am not the only one who is having this problem – Celtic & Pietro too! :)
I thought I was the only one who is having this confidence problem with Leonardo. Whenever I am with Leonardo, I feel like not being myself, I feel stupid at times, I suffer from low self-esteem, indecisiveness, a newbie…sometimes I really cannot catch what Leonardo wants. I admit that I was not firm on many issues and always give in to Leonardo many times because my heart is also not at the right place and there is no longer anymore that fighting spirit in me to carry on. Plus, there is just no bond between the two of us. There is always a long silence hanging above us. I just cannot bring it up to the next level. Pietro also goes through the same circle as mine, but Leonardo holds a tighter rein & supervision on Pietro. As for Celtic, after the re-structuring, Celtic is quite pissed off with Leonardo, suddenly Celtic finds this whole re-structuring excercise is a bad idea, working under Leonardo is also another bad idea…Celtic even gave out a very harsh comment that Leonardo is such a stupid leader, like no brain like that. Nonetheless, I am very sure that Leonardo will step up, because Leonardo have gotten such a big department. Leonardo has to perform and deliver the results. Even lately, Leonardo has been dressing impeccably; to impress The General & everyone else. Even though Celtic is angry, I know that at the bottom of Celtic’s heart, Celtic will also try to be the very best and assists Leonardo all the way.

As for me…being under Ursula…I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I have heard too many negative comments, ugly impressions have been made about Ursula like how Ursula tortured Pietro until finally Ursula kicked Pietro out from the department, took Leonardo’s buyer Gerrard and got the both of them to switch portfolios, even Lee Nee left G13 because of Ursula & went to join the French last year…even one of the store’s coordinator said that ‘Die lah’ being under Ursula. We also realized that Ursula’s ma chai – Gerrard, Shawn & Christy is also being isolated from the rest and do not mix around freely with everybody. If Ursula tries to control me in this area – I have to say – ‘Sorry, I pledge my loyalty to you as a boss, but you certainly can’t control who I want to mix with. Anyway, you know which gang I come from, the people that I have been mixing with…I cannot just un-friend them just like that'

But Baldwin has different opinions though. I think Baldwin want to say something negative about Leonardo but hold its tongue. Baldwin feels it’s a good idea, saying that Ursula is detailed, helpful towards its staffs and provides a good guidance. I don’t know. Let’s see how this story unfolds. I will let my instincts guide me, even though; at times they can lead me to disastrous results :) Ursula have definitely studied me, I am sure Ursula have gotten lots of info about me from Paige. Both of them are best buddies. Luckily, I think I have made a good impression in front of Paige. I hope that I manage to score some brownie points there.

I pray to GOD to bless me with a new job. No answer from Him yet. So, I am assuming; that a change of guard is also a change of a new job :) I will have to work extra hard from now on…that’s for sure especially when you are coming back after a hard time, after moments that you are not well, so when you have the chance to come back…I need to work with the right attitude every day, I need to be ready to suffer, to enjoy the suffering and to be able to change the situation. I want to be part of Ursula’s team. But I also understand that there’s a business side to it as well…and if it’s not ok in the end…I will walk away from this with my head held high and with no regrets :)