Suria - Amber

This week, I’m a little bit bitchy. Sometimes nice. Usually demented. Always lost.
I lost my PenDrive. Shit!!! :(

Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.
And old man, a young man, and life’s greatest lesson.

Life’s Greatest Lesson: The Meaning Of Life

I could so relate to Mitch’s character…I’m in his shoes. Everything was just spot on.
The years after graduation hardened me into someone quite different from the strutting graduate who left Murdoch South Street Campus in 2005. The corporate world I discovered was not all that interesting. I traded lots of dreams for a bigger paycheck. At one point, I have taken labor as my companion and had moved everything else to the side.
I once told myself I would never work for money, that I would join the United Nations, that I would live in beautiful, inspirational places...helping people. I used to eat my lunch in my cubicle, continuing doing my work and thought nothing of it all. At times I half-sleep, busy doing things that I think are important but in actual they aren’t. And I never realized I was doing it. My days were full yet I remained much of the time unsatisfied to an extent. What is expected of me versus what I want for myself. The book called it Tension Of Opposites. Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else.
Everyone I know is so wrapped up with egotistical things – career, having enough money, car, mortgage, family – we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. We don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying ‘Is this all'?...‘Is this all I want’?...‘Is something missing'? We put our values in the wrong things. And it leads to a very disillusioned lives. Once you start running, it’s hard to slow yourself down. My circles of friends are doing it, thus there is no one there to actually stop and remind me…except for my parents…which they did recently. I think my parents wouldn’t mind if I have a low-pay job but living in a more fulfilled life.

I guess I will need all the courage to forgive myself…for all the things I didn’t do.
All the things I should have done.

Morrie asks:
Have you found someone to share your heart with? – NO.
Are you giving back to your community? – NO.
Are you at peace with yourself? – NO.
Are you trying to be as human as you can be? – Am trying to.

The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

The book changed my perception a little.
I am not changed but slightly a different self now.
I’m different in my attitudes.
I’m different appreciating my body, which I didn’t do fully before.
I’m different in terms of trying to grapple with the big questions, the ultimate questions, the ones that won’t go away :)