Saturday, September 13, 2008

Nineteen Eighty Two

No need to wait for a year...100 days...and let’s see how things will work out.
The Iron Butterfly challenges me and asks me what I have achieved so far…I’m only here for a month and obviously there is no achievement or any accomplishment for me to shout about. How much can I do in a month's time? But the Iron Butterfly continues to push me; a month or not a month, it’s not an excuse. Ramadhan season where everyone is fasting and people tend to buy less from my categories – that is not an excuse either! The Iron Butterfly really expects me to fly and deliver the goods ASAP. I’m already started to stutter! And that is not a good sign because it means that I’m starting to be out of the track; not on track. I felt fidgety at work. I feel like I’m constantly watching my back - like the other shoe’s going to drop. I feel worried and my brows are furrowed.

“Guillermo spoke well of you”
“Guillermo have a very good impression about you”
The Iron Butterfly and Rufus have gotten this feedback on my work performance & attitude from Guillermo. Sigh…I’m not really that good. I wish I were more intelligent.
I wish I was more steady and firm; like Celtic. Let me tell you, I can take a very long time to decide what I want. I have to consider all the pros and cons, imagine the consequences of each choice, go back & forth on all of my options, think and rethink. Then I get frustrated and think WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE ANYWAY? WHY CAN’T I HAVE BOTH? It’s one of my most distinctive personality traits. One that I’m constantly working on. I wouldn’t call it a BAD thing. It just slows me down sometimes. I am proud to say that I’m definitely getting much better at it. Decision making, that is. Working out what is actually important. Working out what I want, in an appropriate amount of time.

:( I hate Iron Butterfly.

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