at the begining

Liverpool 1 – 1 Manchester City :(

It’s always like that isn’t it? The Reds can always play very well when facing their bigger opponents…but when it comes to smaller teams, they tend to flop really easily and lost all of their full crucial 3 points. Come on boys...

Irish Smile In Your Eyes

Yeah, uh, uh
Yeah
It's the world's greatest
It's the world's greatest
C'mon, yeah
The world's greatest

I am a mountain, I am a tall tree, ohhhhh
I am a swift wind sweepin' the country
I am a river, down in the valley, ohhhhhh
I am a vision, and I can see clearlyyy

If anybody asks you who I am
Just stand up tall
Look 'em in the face and saaaaay

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up hiiigh
Hey, I made it (Um)
I'm the world's greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the rooopes
I can feel it (Um)
I'm the world's greatest

(The world's greatest)
(The world's greatest)
(Forever)

I am a giant, I am an eagle, ohhhhh
I am a lion, down in the jungle
I am a marchin' band, I am the people, ohhhhh
I am a helping hand, I am a heroooo

If anybody asks you who I am
Just stand up tall
Look 'em in the face and saaaaaaay

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it (Um)
I'm the world's greatest (Um)
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the rooopes
I can feel it(Um)
I'm the world's greatest

In the ring of life I'll rain love (I will rain)
And the world will notice a king (oh yeeeah)
Where there is darrkness, I'll shine a light (shine a light)
And the mirrors of success reflect in me (meeee)

I'm that star up in the sky (Ohhhhhhh Yeah)
I'm that mountain peak up high (Hiiiiigh)
Hey, I made it (Said I made it)
I'm the world's greatest (I'm that little bit)
And I'm that little bit of hope (Of hope yeaaah)
When my back's against the ropes (I can)
I can feel it (Feel it)
I'm the world's greatest

(Ohhhhhh) I'm that star up in the sky (Star up in the skyyy)
I'm that mountain peak up high (Oh yes I am)
Hey, I made it (I made it)
I'm the world's greatest (I'm that little bit of hope)
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes (When my back's against the ropes)
I can feel it(I can feel)
I'm the world's greatest

I saw the light (I'm that star up in the sky)
At the end of a tunnel (I'm that mountain peak up high)
Believe in the pot of golllld (Hey I made it)
At the end of the rainbow (I'm the world's greatest)
And faith was right there (And I'm that little bit of hope)
To pull me through, yeah (When my back's against the ropes)
Used to be locked doors (I can feel it)
Now I can just walk on through (I'm the world's greatest)
It's the greatest

It's the greatest
Can you feel it

I saw the light (It's the greatest)
At the end of a tunnel (Can you feel it)
Believe in the pot of gold (It's the greatest)
At the end of the rainbow (Can you feel it)
And faith was right there (It's the greatest)
To pull me through, yeah (Can you feel it)
Used to be locked doors (It's the greatest)
Now I can just walk on through (Can you feel it)

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up hiiigh
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the rooopes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

-R.Kelly: World's Greatest-

GOD’s Gift/Gracious Gift/Glorious Gift

This week is Thanksgiving week :)

There is so much for me to be thankful for. I’m thankful that I have a healthy body, that my family are in safe hands, I have a roof over my head, I have my own bed, I have food on the table, I have nice clothes to wear, I have a car to transport me anywhere, I have a job, I have sufficient income which allows me to save for the future & to pay for my current bills & expenses, I have families & friends by my side, I have laughter, joy, peace in my daily life…I’m also thankful for second chances. Because I’ve screwed up so many things in my life before. I am only where I am today because I was blessed with second, sometimes third chances…I’m thankful for all of the good people in my life. The ones that I love and who love me unconditionally. The ones who tolerate my shit and put up with my crazy ideas. The ones who always always forgive me for my mistakes.

I’ve concluded that it is best to be happy, to just accept what life has to offer, to go with the flow, keep my head held high, try my best in whatever I do, harm no one and hope no one harms me too :) Should I be lucky enough to stumble on pockets of pleasures along the way, I’m thankful and that’s happiness enough for me. Now when something good happens, I quietly cherish it. It is the small things these days that make me truly happy and which I long for more. Happiness is waking up to a perfect mug of MILO. Happiness is the knowledge that my family is safe. Happiness is that there is no traffic jams when going to work. Happiness is when all things go smoothly at work. Happiness is seeing my Store People can perform their jobs independently. Happiness is when my Suppliers & Store Team are being rewarded for all of their hard work. Happiness is when Liverpool wins their matches.

I used to be a lot greedier. In my teens & early 20s, I was preoccupied with why I wasn’t happier and how I could and should be happier. I had myriad reasons & excuses for not feeling on top of the world every single day – if only I was doing better in my job or earning more money or going for luxury vacation or having a wardrobe stashed with branded clothes or driving a BMW or a more beautiful, smoother face complexion :) When I was seriously hunting for happiness, I discovered that happiness was hard to sustain. Happiness is a moving target. Getting a much hoped for promotion at work might have brought happiness for a few days, but that joy faded very quickly and I was soon back to feeling vaguely dissatisfied again. After a while, the chase became meaningless. Why bother? Why let something that’s basically out of your control affect you that much? Does it matter truly? So, I just want to be happy…I'm generally happy every day of my life. I'm the sort of girl who makes the best out of every little thing about each day to convince myself; "Hey! This ain't so bad at all! In fact; this is great”! I’ve been feeling much better lately, and it’s a nice reminder that happiness is a daily commitment.

I will be thankful in all circumstances :)

Counting Your Blessings, Seizing The Day, Spreading Joy

Thank you GOD, Praise to the Lord, Bless you GOD :)

On Wednesday night - I received a very surprise phone call from one of my suppliers; Mr. Ken. A Japanese retail company wants to head-hunt me. I will be meeting up with Mr. Shoji & Madam Tang on next week Tuesday. This I have to thank Mr. Ken whom I’m sure have given them a very good recommendation of me. Even though, I think I know what my final answer will be…but I’m very thankful for GOD’s presence here in this matter. This indicates to me that GOD is still with me…I'm actually having an internal conflict of my own. I don't know whether should I voice out to Juan Carlos & Stewart that I want to remain in charge of my Furniture Portfolio in 2012 because I'm really afraid that I will not be able to do a good job in D33. Then this opportunity suddenly arise from nowhere. It was so totally unexpected. GOD has given me another option to consider. This gives me further courage & motivation to take the next step, to have that leap of faith, to embark on my new journey bravely, to know that if I fall into any holes in the future, GOD is there to pick me up again. What I thought would be the worst week of my life has turned out to be one of the best. GOD, you’ve changed my life. GOD makes me want to be a better person so that I can lead by example.

I’m going to be 30 years old next year. I can't imagine that there will be another one opportunity quite like this at my age. I'm at a stage where people rarely knocks on my door anymore. And I think I am extremely lucky to have had the one shot this year that I have had at it and I wouldn't go looking for lightning to strike twice. Because lightning indeed do not strike twice at the same place.

I have lots of thoughts this year because I feel like the past 1 year has been the most significant year of my life. I feel…well…old. Not old as in physically old. Well, that too, but won’t whine about that here. I feel like I’ve grown up so much in this one single year. I’m a lot calmer and collected these days and I don’t freak out as quickly over everything now :) I’m more selfless and I don’t think about what I can get back for everything that I do for others now. I know what I want in my life now and what’s important. And I never ever thought that this day would come where I will get to move my career forward because for many many people, including my parents & myself – they never ever imagine that I will arrive at this point. I have so many flaws and imperfections in me. GOD has been good to me :)

every move you make

Liverpool beat Chelsea 2 - 1 :)

My Prince

Today is Sunday. Today is a great day. It feels great. Why? Because it just is. There doesn't have to be a reason for everything. Not right now. And certainly not today. I believe that tomorrow will be even better. But I'll just have to wait and see :) Life is crazy hectic. But very fulfilling right now.

I'm All In One

Yesterday, I had a quiet lunch all by myself at Delifrance, Mid Valley. Delifrance is a bakery company that serves French style bakery products, coffee & full set western meals and they are one of the pioneer cafes that started very early in Malaysia before the emergence of StarBucks, Dome, Coffee Bean, Old Town Kopitiam, Uncle Lim’s etc. Lately, there are just so many eateries around with a wide varieties of choices. The food & beverage market is so competitive these days. Some manage to stand strong, others is losing their footing.

I know some people have problems eating alone. They look at me funny when I chirpily announce that I had the most amazing lunch alone. I love eating by myself especially if it’s breakfast or lunch. It gives me the chance to slowly go through my to-do list or work list in my brain, plan out what to do when, not have to talk (except to myself in my head) and really concentrate and taste my food as I’m spooning it into my mouth. You’d be surprised how good the food tastes when you take the time to appreciate it, to notice its color and texture, and put 100% concentration into what you’re eating :) Plus, it's good for the digestion too.

I sat there and ate my meal slowly and leisurely. Jasmine Tea with Steak & Mushroom pie. I browsed through the Jusco magazines and the ToysRus catalogue from cover to cover. I enjoyed the busy hum of the restaurant. And most of all I enjoyed the sheer quiet of my personal space – no one nagging at me, no complaining, no rush. Just me and my own thoughts. It was divine :) All of my grieving issues has just disappeared :)

Pencuri Yang Mencuri Impian

Yes, I have not been blogging diligently lately. There is just too much of issues that is going through my mind and additionally, there is also too much to do as well. Writing this blog is a commitment. Every input that I put into this site is a memory locked down. I may not remember what I did today next month. I’ll definitely not remember what I did today six months later. And there’s no way my memory can get better in a year’s time :) If I don’t have a blog, how will I remember all of the great and not-so-great emotions that I go through, the things that I do, the places that I went to, all of the good moments and not-so good moments that I’ve had, all of the amazing food that I ate, all of the crazy thoughts & dreams that I had, all of the worries, problems and dilemmas that I’ve encounter, my passion for Liverpool & football, saying my prayers & praises to GOD, my hopes & dreams and all of the little things that I’ve seen and marveled at in my life? :)

Whoever thinks that they can remember stuff without a blog or a journal is just being arrogant. And whoever thinks that not being able to remember the past stuff isn’t that big a deal is being ignorant. I can’t imagine not remembering how I lived my life because these days, the years fly by so fast. And trust me; it’s really nice to be able to remember your life in great detail because you wrote it down. Ten years from now, I will read my own words and know that I will have a small smile on my face. If I have children in the future, my children will read them and remember how they used to be :) My grandchildren will get to know me in a way that would otherwise be impossible :) It’s practically making history :)

When I first started a blog, it was the year 2005, the month of September and I had just graduated from Murdoch University, a freshie; a Management Trainee in a Dutch multinational retail company. I remembered it was a new, exciting & difficult time in my life as I just enter into another new phase of my life and I had started a blog to write down my feelings. The blog was private and I loved being able to rant and use expletives if I wanted to. Eventually, I realized that a private blog would turn me into a negative bitch of a person if I didn’t have anyone reading my words and I said stuff carelessly without having to take any real responsibility for it. Just a few months down the road, I would look back, read my own posts and cringe at the person that I had been :)

Fast forward, and my blog is still a private blog :) However, as I want to live my life better, where I want to be a better individual as I grow, I change the way I see things, my surroundings and my experiences. This is now the place where all of the most emotions and daily life experiences which are precious to me are stored. I take responsibility for every word and every picture that appears here. There is nothing journalistic about the way I write or the stuff that I talk about. I’m not a tourism board or a reviewer or trying to teach anyone to do anything. This is just a happy place, that’s all...for me :)

Most days, I write because I want to. I need to find the highlights of my every day and write it down. I want to count my blessings and thank GOD for everything. I worry that when I have nothing to write about. It means to me, that I’ve been living a life that was not worth talking about. Horrors! It would be time to do something about it. Of course, once in a while, I do get into a state of lethargy about writing and my brain gets a little stuck. Writer’s block. I start finding excuses about why I don’t feel like writing. Not enough material. No nice photos. Tired. Not in the mood. So yeah, writing a blog is a commitment. It’s like having a relationship. Or having children. You start it, and then you have to commit to it. You don’t write a blog because you have the time to. You write a blog when you want to.

AAAA+

This week is my grieving week.

First, I grieved because…I feel so hopeless…I’m in a war zone…I cannot do anything to stop them…and Stewart & Juan Carlos didn’t come to my rescue. Anyway, if the both of them do appear in the picture, they still can’t do much as well because it's no longer something that they can control. The Shopping Mall Department has officially took away my Sri Petaling & Subang Jaya store territory last week…and this week, they attack my Wangsa Maju counter. If they are so fantastic in their work, why can’t they first improve their inside counters first, before taking my outside counters where I know that my suppliers have work so hard in building up the sales and customer flow. And this CEO – I have worked so hard to deliver the numbers, yet I feel that he is so blind to ignore them. I don’t denied, by handing over the areas to the Shopping Mall Department, the revenues from the tenancy may be double than my sales income but my income is for the Merchandising Department. I represent 30% of Team Baz. Plus, the Mid Valley store is currently undergoing major revamping for the MARS Project…the contractors are already there to remove the flooring…the sales are slipping away. I really layu…I tak bersemanaget langsung. It’s like; I work so bloody hard for the past 10 months and for what. What did I get in the end? Nothing! No one seems to appreciate it. These counters contribute; on an average 40% to my portfolio business and when the sales drop, the big guys only know how to question me and demand action plans & solutions on a weekly basis…leaving me alone with the sharks. I have to answer to my suppliers and be accountable for my store team performance. They are aware of the situation but I still have to fight the battle alone. I really feel so mad, so tired, so suffocated, so sad…I really feel like tearing. And I am angry...extremly furious with this external circumstances...that when I only left another 2 more months to close the year, these unfortunate incidents have to happen to me. Why? I just want to close the YTD gap positive. Is it too much to ask? Can’t I have a happy-ending for my 2011 story? The stress of being in this job overtook the happiness of being in one. If I want to be grateful or seeing a blessing in disguise in this situation is that the takeover is happening right now and not earlier.

The second grieving issue is that Aurora has resigned and Juan Carlos wants to park me back in D33. That department is in a terrible mess. From A to Z. And the major question is I don’t know how to start, where to start and what to start. Plus, Lexie also resigned. More stress for me :( How am I going to straighten up this department next year?! Staying in my current Furniture portfolio, I also die because my consignment counters is being washed down the drain, thus it will be hard for me to achieve LFL next year…handling D33 – I also will die because it is the most problematic department that is in a very dire situation. Both option also a do-or-die-situation. But I agree with Stewart, if I don’t take this opportunity, I will remain stagnant. I want things to progress. I hate stagnation. I am not putting an exact deadline on my work expiration date, but I see it coming one day. I think I may need to start to develop my other interests.

Thirdly on 11th Nov (the auspious 11.11.11), when I went online on FB that day – the first thing that appear on the screen was the good news that both Amadeo & Callum have tied the knot with their respective partners which I’m very happy about. In Callum’s case…yeah, it indicates to me that I could have all of it if I didn’t let Callum go. I ended the relationship to be alone because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right. And I don’t deny, as a human being, there was indeed a mixture of regret, jealousy and bitterness inside me :) But it’s ok…after a few days, I’m already over with it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t missed being in a relationship or having a very limited social life or seeing everyone else around me is in love & starting a family of their own :) I guess it’s hard to see people deliriously happy and in love when you yourself have fallen hard out of love, and that was a couple of years ago? How time flies. And now, I’m seeing everyone else tying the knot and have babies. But at the same time I don’t want to waste my youth on duds or people who don’t know what they want. I think its official, there are no men in KL for me :) I am single. I like someone with a bit of an edge. Someone who's passionate about what they do. But I guess I haven't found that magical combination of everything yet. Someday I'll find someone (crossing fingers). Besides, I’ve never experienced certain things, and I think that’s because I have this side of me that is totally shut off. Because I haven’t found anybody yet to open to that…I feel like, 'OK, you’re worth breaking down that wall for'. I’ve never found that.

And lastly, I was at MPH the other day...the 2012 horoscopes book was out...so I innocently began to read through some of the predictions & fortunes for those who are born under the Dog year in the year of the Dragon. I got depressed further because apparently because next year, it is not a good year for the Dogs in every aspects of their life – from their career, wealth, fortune, health to relationship. I got de-motivated even further, like there is nothing for me to look forward for next year. This year of the Rabbit, the Dog will gained the most vast fortunes compare to the other animals in the calendar...well, to a certain degree, it was true because my career journey this year was indeed very very very blessed. Yes, I know that I’m a Christian, I should not believe or trust in such things in the first place, but I can't help it. I even surprise myself because I cannot believe that I am so badly affected after reading it, like I actually believe in it...and then after that, one problem after another starts to surface...and the Lunar New Year has not even begin yet :( I'm like a magnet. I need to be with people who have a lot of positive energy or in a environment where there are many positive chi around...then, I will be raring to go. I will be zero if there is too much of negativity around.

This week events will not bring me down. I’m a firm believer that every problem has its own solutions. Even leaving things alone, is also a solution in itself. I’m still very determined to achieve my goals and dreams. I’m still ambitious. I still believe in having faith in GOD. And that GOD will still bless me richly, abundantly and generously in everything I do :)

Life does indeed need to be a variety of emotional experiences to be complete :)

The Swans

Liverpool endured more home frustration as they were held to a 0-0 draw by Swansea at Anfield on Saturday as Kenny Dalglish's side suffered a fourth draw from their six Premier League games in front of the Kop this season. The Reds' lack of a cutting edge could cost them dearly in the race for a Champions League spot :(

DREAM HIGH

Thank you GOD, Praise to the LORD, Bless you GOD :) - every year on the 1st of November, I would marvel at how fast time has flown. It’s cliché but really, where has 2011 gone? October is also the month where I celebrated my 1 year anniversary of taking over the Furniture Department. Lots of ups & downs; but thank GOD - I managed to pull through every obstacles smoothly :) Another 55 more days to go, I will close my 2011 year and say hello to a brand new 2012 year. And like every year in November, I will be in a reflective, appreciative & grateful mode, looking back at 2011 and reminiscing about the days, but the truth is – 2011 was probably one of the best years of my career life since 2005 :) I get to travel – 4 times I get to be on the plane; flying to Yiwu in March, Guangzhou in April, Guangzhou again in October and Bangkok in October. I get to move my career forward; from Senior Category Manager to Trainee Division Manager :) I get to learn & experience lots; both professionally & personally. The support, help and encouragement from the suppliers, the store people, the top management and my fellow colleagues has been fantastic. Thank you GOD for placing these individuals in my life and this year, in you – I have found peace, inner calmness, balance, purpose and laughter. GOD, you also have help me to remove my fear, my hesitation and my procrastination…giving me the full strength, perseverance, courage, confidence, wisdom and common sense in leading my life this year. Your blessings this year for me have been absolutely amazing. They're really rainfalls from heaven :) Really, I’m joyful and I’m enjoying every day of what’s happening to me. I can’t ask for anything more. And I pray that this strong & good momentum will bring forward to next year and for many years as well :)

Even though my MTD & YTD sales are still down, but looking at the bright side of things…it could have been worst. As usual, my work will continue & always be this challenging and never-ending, whatsmore with the Shopping Mall Department working into my territory now and taken away my Sri Petaling & Subang Jaya counter stores. There will be more changes in my Mid Valley & Wangsa Maju stores as well…nonetheless; I believe with every problems, there are solutions in itself.

For next year, I should just resolve to live my life better. Continue to have faith in GOD & to believe in myself. Humility. No ego. No hang-ups. The ability to adapt to change. Decisive. Made rational decisions. To be brave to take the risks and to change the norm. Adding extra value to my life and everyone else. Always be positive. It will also be the time to love myself a little bit extra, and giving something back to myself. Life is much more fun that way. And live my dreams. I only get to live once, so I am going out there and do whatever I want. I only have one life - I shall make the most out of it.

Oh, and also to give back more…and to stop whining here and to document more good stuff & experiences :) And finally to be contented! No matter how much we have in life, it’ll never be great till the day we feel we have enough :)

Overall, I can definitely do with a 2011 year again. So bring on some more good stuff, 2012! :)

GO FORTH

The advice that was given to me was very clear – that you can make a choice with what you are most comfortable with. I'm actually taking this bold decision, an unbelievable decision, a very hard decision – I’m excited to begin a new phase, a role that I might have been afraid to play before. I'm not preparing myself for anything. I'll just see where it goes. I am so appreciative and trying to enjoy it as much as I can because this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Thank you GOD, Praise to the LORD, Bless you GOD :)