AAAA+

This week is my grieving week.

First, I grieved because…I feel so hopeless…I’m in a war zone…I cannot do anything to stop them…and Stewart & Juan Carlos didn’t come to my rescue. Anyway, if the both of them do appear in the picture, they still can’t do much as well because it's no longer something that they can control. The Shopping Mall Department has officially took away my Sri Petaling & Subang Jaya store territory last week…and this week, they attack my Wangsa Maju counter. If they are so fantastic in their work, why can’t they first improve their inside counters first, before taking my outside counters where I know that my suppliers have work so hard in building up the sales and customer flow. And this CEO – I have worked so hard to deliver the numbers, yet I feel that he is so blind to ignore them. I don’t denied, by handing over the areas to the Shopping Mall Department, the revenues from the tenancy may be double than my sales income but my income is for the Merchandising Department. I represent 30% of Team Baz. Plus, the Mid Valley store is currently undergoing major revamping for the MARS Project…the contractors are already there to remove the flooring…the sales are slipping away. I really layu…I tak bersemanaget langsung. It’s like; I work so bloody hard for the past 10 months and for what. What did I get in the end? Nothing! No one seems to appreciate it. These counters contribute; on an average 40% to my portfolio business and when the sales drop, the big guys only know how to question me and demand action plans & solutions on a weekly basis…leaving me alone with the sharks. I have to answer to my suppliers and be accountable for my store team performance. They are aware of the situation but I still have to fight the battle alone. I really feel so mad, so tired, so suffocated, so sad…I really feel like tearing. And I am angry...extremly furious with this external circumstances...that when I only left another 2 more months to close the year, these unfortunate incidents have to happen to me. Why? I just want to close the YTD gap positive. Is it too much to ask? Can’t I have a happy-ending for my 2011 story? The stress of being in this job overtook the happiness of being in one. If I want to be grateful or seeing a blessing in disguise in this situation is that the takeover is happening right now and not earlier.

The second grieving issue is that Aurora has resigned and Juan Carlos wants to park me back in D33. That department is in a terrible mess. From A to Z. And the major question is I don’t know how to start, where to start and what to start. Plus, Lexie also resigned. More stress for me :( How am I going to straighten up this department next year?! Staying in my current Furniture portfolio, I also die because my consignment counters is being washed down the drain, thus it will be hard for me to achieve LFL next year…handling D33 – I also will die because it is the most problematic department that is in a very dire situation. Both option also a do-or-die-situation. But I agree with Stewart, if I don’t take this opportunity, I will remain stagnant. I want things to progress. I hate stagnation. I am not putting an exact deadline on my work expiration date, but I see it coming one day. I think I may need to start to develop my other interests.

Thirdly on 11th Nov (the auspious 11.11.11), when I went online on FB that day – the first thing that appear on the screen was the good news that both Amadeo & Callum have tied the knot with their respective partners which I’m very happy about. In Callum’s case…yeah, it indicates to me that I could have all of it if I didn’t let Callum go. I ended the relationship to be alone because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right. And I don’t deny, as a human being, there was indeed a mixture of regret, jealousy and bitterness inside me :) But it’s ok…after a few days, I’m already over with it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t missed being in a relationship or having a very limited social life or seeing everyone else around me is in love & starting a family of their own :) I guess it’s hard to see people deliriously happy and in love when you yourself have fallen hard out of love, and that was a couple of years ago? How time flies. And now, I’m seeing everyone else tying the knot and have babies. But at the same time I don’t want to waste my youth on duds or people who don’t know what they want. I think its official, there are no men in KL for me :) I am single. I like someone with a bit of an edge. Someone who's passionate about what they do. But I guess I haven't found that magical combination of everything yet. Someday I'll find someone (crossing fingers). Besides, I’ve never experienced certain things, and I think that’s because I have this side of me that is totally shut off. Because I haven’t found anybody yet to open to that…I feel like, 'OK, you’re worth breaking down that wall for'. I’ve never found that.

And lastly, I was at MPH the other day...the 2012 horoscopes book was out...so I innocently began to read through some of the predictions & fortunes for those who are born under the Dog year in the year of the Dragon. I got depressed further because apparently because next year, it is not a good year for the Dogs in every aspects of their life – from their career, wealth, fortune, health to relationship. I got de-motivated even further, like there is nothing for me to look forward for next year. This year of the Rabbit, the Dog will gained the most vast fortunes compare to the other animals in the calendar...well, to a certain degree, it was true because my career journey this year was indeed very very very blessed. Yes, I know that I’m a Christian, I should not believe or trust in such things in the first place, but I can't help it. I even surprise myself because I cannot believe that I am so badly affected after reading it, like I actually believe in it...and then after that, one problem after another starts to surface...and the Lunar New Year has not even begin yet :( I'm like a magnet. I need to be with people who have a lot of positive energy or in a environment where there are many positive chi around...then, I will be raring to go. I will be zero if there is too much of negativity around.

This week events will not bring me down. I’m a firm believer that every problem has its own solutions. Even leaving things alone, is also a solution in itself. I’m still very determined to achieve my goals and dreams. I’m still ambitious. I still believe in having faith in GOD. And that GOD will still bless me richly, abundantly and generously in everything I do :)

Life does indeed need to be a variety of emotional experiences to be complete :)