Rebel-Angel

I bump into my ex-lady boss from BCI Asia (Kwee Choo) at Carrefour, Subang on Thursday. I was surprised when she approached me first and I was genuinely touched that she actually remembered me :) I was attached with them for only 2 ½ months and I’m glad that I have left a good impression of myself. I have been praised for generating the most report leads. Sadly, it was for a short period of time, nonetheless learning about the construction and building industry in my country has been an eye-opener. I still keep an eye on the latest upcoming condominium projects that is mushrooming in my city rapidly – especially the super luxuries one where the affordability is way beyond my capability :) And my current interest lies in the Mall development. I’m a retail gal after all :)

The second surprise was when I receive a Gift Set from HP – Denise; my supplier put my name on the recipient list :) I must be doing something right, right? :) There were so many cute goodies in the gorgeous silver paper box – there is the eco-friendly carrier bag, a miniature Mini Cooper, a tool set, a keychain, a Touch & Go Card, a light bulb, a 150ml Coke and a miniature padlock – all symbolizing HP new DC7800 series – Environmentally friendly, Speed & convenience, Superior service & support, Scalable & productive, Performance & reliability, Saves energy, Stay cool always and Security.

I rejected Atticus’s offer – I feel guilty, VERY VERY guilty :( It was a dumb-ass decision. I can only say sorry that I didn’t manage the situation well. I thought that I can get rid of my guilt by the next day, but it lasted till now.
My answers are spontaneous, genuine and sincere. I never meant to hurt you or to get you into trouble. You must be thinking that I was playing you around but I was not. My intentions were very keen, but after seeing what happen to Celtic and Haakon…I got a bit doubtful. If it can happen to them, what about me – this small potato? I went up to see you with my hopes high and zero expectations. And when you finally reverted, your offer was more than tempting.
But alas; my PROMISE to her. If your side has not delayed in signing her up, I would have joined you, Atticus. Due to your side lateness, she has signed up with them and has pulled me there. I don’t have a choice. I am desperate to leave SAM25, there were no feedback from the French…I choose to walk this road.
I’m unsure of this path; it may turn up to be like SAM25 or even worst and I’ll always be remembered as being the number 2 & in her shadows. They will never see me as being on par with her, better than her…but this is my only escape. She is doing this as a favor for me, knowing that I didn’t sign up with Atticus because of her. She can do this without me; she can do it by herself.
Atticus; let me soak in there for a while, I’ll be back. There is the feeling of unfinished business for me, the feeling of responsibility for my actions.

I feel like crying today, I want to shed a tear, I want to sob… yet I don't like to cry, because if you cry, you already lost half of the battle. Dreams and wishes are not for me. It’s always been crushed. It struck me that I've gotten more private about my personal journeys here. And I think my voice has changed, moved on in directions that are probably not the right way to go, but it can't be helped. That's life. It's tough being an adult.