Peaceful. Quiet. At their most natural

This just came in. March School Holiday Fair:
ColeMan Press Ad = total sales value at RM57k.
School Holiday Fun Press Ad = total sales value at RM24k.
Thank GOD, the response is still good during this recession time. It generated an additional income of RM81k to the camping family this month. It was even better compare to last year of the same month. But I know that comes next month will be another dry month for me because there will be no school holiday, no major events. I have to come up with something – FAST. Things are starting to unravel. I had envisioned something different, something big, but the economy already exacerbated an already bad situation. I am not meeting the expected targets :( I failed my KPI. I feel like I am running on a treadmill – all that energy and I seemed to be getting nowhere fast. Nerves are strained and tempers are running high. The only healthy option is to move forward. It is tempting to play the part of the victim, always claiming that what happens to me is somebody else’s fault, but I have to remember that: victims never make it beyond a certain point. They remain creatures rather than creators of their circumstances. I think we are basically responsible for what happens to us. Stop blaming the economy or the boss :) for your present predicament. Take responsibility of your own situation and come up with a plan to get out of it.

I have been thinking a lot for the last 2 days; A LOT…I had this strange calm in my spirit. Like I reached some kind of clarity. Or perspective. Or like I’ve been unconsciously gathering thoughts for the last 2 days and suddenly, somehow, everything has all come together.
This year; my plans are to build up my work experience portfolio, involve in active networking, learn as much as possible, build up my money nest and to enjoy my life. I do not mind tiring myself right now. But when 2010 arrives – I will be executing my PLANS :)
I’ve got to kick-start it. I’ve got to make things happen. I have been stuck here; walking from Point A to Point B on this really thin thread. I have been walking like 3 to 4 years now and I haven't reached Point B yet. Can you imagine how it must feel like to walk on one of those circus balancing rope way up in the air with no security net to catch you if you fall? Pretty much sucks and does more harm than good on my sanity :)
I am all over the place right now and I think, moving forward; I will need some stability. I have worked hard, partied hard, made friends, lost friends, earned money, spent money…so I think I will have to slow down the pace a little. I will be approaching 30. I am struck with the fact that I am pretty naive and ill-prepared, and it drives me to do something about it.
I have said it before. I have to remind myself again. I have to sit back and remember who I am. Basically, I have to love myself a little bit more. How to be by myself. How to enjoy my own company. Come to think of it, I kind of loved the whacky conversations in my head. I loved how my creative juices would flow. I loved seeing the world with my own eyes and hearing my own thoughts. And most of all, I loved being happy, positive, strong and confident. By myself. I’ve got to do the right thing, for myself. It’s nice to create a space for my thoughts. Getting to do things that I love. I’m allowing myself to do fun, nourishing stuff :) Taking a step back, I’m young and I’ve got nothing to lose. I feel fortunate to have what I have today, so I’m not going to waste it doing anything mediocre.