Sunday, October 25, 2009

pain is temporary, quitting is forever

Call me immature, rude, selfish, disrespect, no team spirit, emotional, rebelling, boycotting...whatever...I just don't feel like wearing that bloody shirt! Iron Butterfly had bought the whole Baz Team a Giordano "WE CAN DO IT" shirt and everyone was wearing it on last week Friday except for Damian and myself. Damian couldn't find the shirt while I told some concern people (including Iron Butterfly) that I brought the shirt to work, it's in my bag but I don't feel like wearing it! :) The words do not reflect how I feel that day. I cannot relate to it. I cannot do it. And yes, a small part of me wants to rebel against Iron Butterfly! :) I am against Iron Butterfly. I am furious, angry that Iron Butterfly did not ask Sumen to stay, angry that Sumen's effort was not being appreciated, angry that with such shortage of manpower situation...Iron Butterfly decides to park the Assistant Buyer permanently under D31. Iron Butterfly should at least let the entire department have a sharing basis until a new Assistant Buyer is on board. Then there is Trix who is instigating from behind and Celtic yeah; I'm pretty being misunderstood by everyone right now! :) Whatever.
When we look at ourselves and others, do we have a tendency to see more of our own strengths and more of other people's weaknesses? If that is the way we tend to view things, we (sadly) will never be a blessing to others. There are people who tend to only utter criticism, but never encouraging words. And it is usually because such people find no room in their heart to accept, see and hear about other people's strengths. If there are people who are better than me, how should I react? I should accept that fact and be thankful for it. When we have a big heart that is big enough to accept other people's strengths & victories, we will be a happier person because we are happy for that peson. Let us strive to have a heart and mind that can accept other people's strengths, enjoy other people's victories and verbally acknowledge other people's talents & gifts.
It has been an emotionally challenging journey for me since my little brother's departure and with Rufus who is still grieving...I am emotionally very tired. I found myself in a pretty dark place. Between life, work, loss & family, it seemed as if everything was close to unraveling apart. The emptiness has been filled with shades of grey from my own inability to create spontaneous rainbows. I guess the Care Bear in me took a vacation :) I was so close to a tear ; but yes, one rule under yingze's tears! No tears of any sort! Only love, laughter and buckets load of joys! Hahaha.
This is 'lifelong learning'. I'm only 27. That's not a long time to have been around, but I treasure every moment I've been lucky enough to have, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll have many more to come. Even though, its not a very long time...yet I like to think that I've seen a fair bit in that short time. We all place bookmarks in our life to highlight and chronicle the passage of time. While some people delineate those milestones by happyness and joy, I tend to mark mine by pain :) I know that things will get better, hopefully tomorrow brighter. Goodness needs to come into my life and stay for a while...I will do better and re-act better. I take pride in what I do and it really does show how much I've grown as a person. My responsibilities and words to others have become much more important than my personal emotions or inadequancy. In fact, my work portfolio continues to give me the confidence and creates a focus for me to fight all of the negativity that I battle with everyday...but the truth is, they also give me hope :)
Take Every Moment, You Know That You Own Them.
It's All You Can Do, Use What's Been Given To You.

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