D34 - as a conclusion; Damian is a very good friend but not a very capable employee. I cannot believe and accept the fact that I have inherited such a rubbish & shitty Department. It's like there is no one actually managing the whole category for one whole year but in actual fact, Damian have been the driver behind the business. I can only describe the whole situation in one word: HANCUR! The suppliers complained. The store people make noise. Damian could not be bother by it all. Damian just let the business fall and die. Damian didn't even bother to take the initiative to save the business. I thought I was the only one who is suffering in silence. Apparently Wendy, Celtic and Stewart was not happy as well with the way Damian performs on the job. Now, I know where is Damian's capability level are. Damian have no job foundation and certainly don't know how to deliver & perform on the job.
I am angry, bitter, confused, frustrated, irritated, upset...disoriented...everything...because I am not happy & satisfied :( How can Iron Butterfly let Damian out of the hook so easily? Why there are no actions being taken? Damian was the weakest link in the group. I am not saying that I am perfect. I have my flaws as well. But I do my job well. I take the responsibilities and initiative to learn from others & I ask questions. And Damian didn't. Damian didn't do anything at all. Zero. No initiative and sense of responsibility & ownership in overcoming the problems & challenges. Everything was swept under the carpet. Why Iron Butterfly didn't push Damian but pushes Celtic & me to the max everytime. To make matters worst, I have checked the deparment account books - and there are no money in it! I am shocked & appalled. How am I going to submit the fees until the end of the year? Where am I going to find the money? :( I have to go and clean someone's else shit.
The workload for D33 is already unbearable and now I have to do D34. If I do D33, I cannot do D34. If I do D34, I cannot do D33. I really cannot cope, I cannot manage, I cannot juggle. All Snow Petrol & Felix only know is how to push me for sales, margins, stock days, action plans, operation efficiency. I have no space to breath :( I have become a very impatient person. I raised my voice (read: yelled) towards everyone more frequently. I am grumpy more often. I get easily irritated at the slightest 'negative attitude' from everyone. I tried to withhold my impatience and anger till my head hurts. I felt incapable of controlling my emotions & outburst. Sigh.
As I cannot take this anymore longer, I brought this issue up to Felix immeadiately. Don't get me wrong, I am not back-stabbing. I need to highlight the issues. I don't want to carry the weight. I do not need this burden. I don't want to walk down this path. I am not running from my responsibilities & duties. I am not detaching myself. I need to protect myself. I need to delegate and pass this stress to Felix. I cannot do this alone anymore as I used to. It's painfully unbearable. I cannot walk alone anymore. This burden is too heavy for me. This is just not fair to me. I deserve much better. Much better. I have to start D34 all over again, from scratch. I have no assistant to assists me, I do everything by myself, everything is a one-man show here, shitty bonusses (but fair enough because I didn't acheive my KPIs), minimal increment...yet Damian earns more than me and have Christine as an assistant. This is one fight where I lost everything. I have gained nothing. I'm the biggest loser here. I have to fight my battle somewhere else :(
But thank GOD, I still can face Damian and I still know how to differentiate that friend is friend, work is work. I still can forgive. I still can draw the line. Wendy & Celtic are not in talking terms with Damian at the moment and is giving Damian the cold shoulder. I bet that Damian don't even know what is going on and what is the fault. I guess Wendy & Celtic just don't know how to face Damian. When you are being consumed with so much of hatred, and when you have to look at that person's face, you become more angrier and perhaps you get disgusted and you want to raise your voice and ask why that person didn't do the job properly. And that negative confrontation is surely will affect the comradeship which they have built. Harsh words will be spoken, feelings will be hurt...so it's better off to isolate oneself and to avoid each other. Until everything and everyone have calms down.
1 comment:
there's got to be a distinction between work and friends, even if you work with your friends. it's also very hard to get the balance right, and i don't think i can do that so i just make sure at work i am only working and i try not to enter the "friend" zone with my colleagues.
it's hard, but it works for me in the end.
i hope that things go better for your department. it's very frustrating that way. i sometimes wonder why things happen differently to other people at my work too. =\ but i keep my mouth shut so....nothing changes.
keep your head up yingze, and take a break!
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