Saturday, June 21, 2008

Character-Building Days

(Celtic lied)

The French >> I had been artificially baited, and was gullible enough to bite…but in a way, I think it’s a good thing. I need to make my footsteps in another place, where I know no one, where everything will be safe, where I will be relatively safe :)
They will forever see me as the follower while Celtic is the leader. I’ll live with it...I have to.
I’m the least competitive and ambitious person in the room…but whenever it comes to Celtic, I began to compete very aggressively…I don’t know why…maybe because Celtic always makes me feel small and inferior in front of everyone…that is why I want to & I have to; proof to Celtic and to them that I am not that weak.

I know what I need to do. I need to disentangle myself…I cannot let this competitiveness between the 2 of us drags me down. It has become a very unhealthy competition; to a certain extent where I feel hurt and I’m not being myself any longer. I don’t want to be a total bitch, which has been happening a lot, really. Celtic can't see my side of it, Celtic ask me to talk but yet Celtic doesn’t listen…Celtic don't listen! Celtic refuses to listen to everything I have to say…my opinions/solutions don’t counts. Even at times if I did tell Celtic, bluntly; Celtic comes up with something to pit against me. It doesn’t make my work fun anymore. And lately, I'm getting really, really tired of it. I'm banging my head against the glass, but it seems unbreakable :(

I suppose that I shall have to wear this mask…there is no possible way I could take it off...for now.

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