Take The Hit >> a customer gets mad. A vendor complains about poor service. Sometimes, whatever the issue and regardless of who is at fault, some people step in and take the hit. They’re willing to accept the criticism or abuse because they know they can handle it – and they know that maybe, just maybe, the other person can’t. Few acts are more selfless than taking the undeserved hit. And few acts better cement a relationship.
Step In Without Being Asked >> it’s easy to help when you’re asked. Most people will. Very few people offer help before they have been asked, even though most of the time, that is when a little help will make the greatest impact. People who build extraordinary relationships pay close attention so they can tell when others are struggling. Then, they offer to help, but not in a general – is there something I can do to help you? – way. Instead, they come up with specific ways they can help. That way, they can push past the reflexive – no, I’m okay…objections. And they can roll up their sleeves and make a difference in another person’s life. Not because they want to build a better relationship, although that is certainly the result, but simply because they care.
Answer The Question That Is Not Asked >> where relationships are concerned, face value is usually without value. Often people will ask a different question than the one they really want answered. A colleague might ask you whether he should teach a class at a local college; what he really wants to talk about is how to take his life in a different direction. Behind many simple questions is often a larger question that goes unasked. People who build great relationships think about what lies underneath so they can answer that question too.
Know When To Dial It Back >> people who build great relationships know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to be over the top and when to be invisible & when to take charge and when to follow. Great relationships are multifaceted and therefore require multifaceted people willing to adapt to the situation and to the people in that situation.
Prove They Think Of Others >> people who build great relationships don’t just think about other people. They act on those thoughts. One easy way is to give unexpected praise. Everyone loves unexpected praise. Praise helps others feel better about themselves and lets them know you’re thinking about them (which, if you think about it, is flattering in itself). Take a little time every day to do something nice for someone you know, not because you’re expected to but simply because you can. When you do, your relationships improve dramatically.
Realize When They Have Acted Poorly >> most people apologize when their actions or words are called into question. Very few people apologize before they are asked to – or even before anyone notices they should. Responsibility is a key building block of a great relationship. People who take the blame, who say they are sorry and explain why they are sorry, who don’t try to push any of the blame back on the other person – those are people everyone wants in their lives, because they instantly turn a mistake into a bump in the road rather than a permanent roadblock.
Give Consistently, Receive Occasionally >> the person who builds great relationships doesn’t think about what she wants; she starts by thinking about what she can give. She sees giving as the best way to establish a real relationship and a lasting connection. She approached building relationships as if it’s all about the other person and not about her and in the process builds relationships with people who follow the same approach. In time, they make real connections. And in time, they make real friends.
Value The Message By Always Valuing The Messenger >> people who build great relationships never automatically discount the messenger simply because they discount the messenger. They know good advise is good advise, regardless of where it comes from. And they know good people are good people, regardless of their perceived ‘status’.
Start Small…And are Happy To Stay Small >> every relationship, however minor and possibly fleeting, has value. People who build great relationships treat every one of their relationship that way.
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