my screaming chamber

I’m angry. My capacity is being stretched beyond what I could think off.
I’m having the usual case of bottled-up angst teenage rage, reckless first-child rebellion, a misery of depressions & searches for individuality & purpose and exceedingly explosive female mood swings.
I’m tired with all these running-nowhere-never-ending-series of paperwork, I hate the un-supportive support system & the limited human resources and I’m frustrated with Iron Butterfly way of doing things. I’m going mad. When a problem arises – you tackle it. You don’t just ignore them or be in denial. Even when Seth & Celtic were unsure of the actions that they are going to take when facing a crisis – at the very least they did take an action and see how to go about it when the consequences appear.
Next week – I’m going to stand firm and stubbornly. No one is going to boss me around.

I cannot help but to feel that at times life and GOD has been throwing me dilemmas after dilemmas as if to test my patience, streghth and endurance.
I don't wanna come across as emo, because the last thing that I want from others is sympathy.
So many times I felt totally hopeless with regards to decisions that I have to make regarding my career, my friends, my relationship & my life. So many times I was put into situations where its die-die both ways.

Oh my gosh…what is this! – Today is only the 10th day of the New Year and I’m already depressed. Jeez… :) But I’m a little miracle. With this kind of brain, attitude, behavior & personality that I have – to be where I am today is truly unbelievable and a blessing. Trust me, everyday I’m still battling with the not-so-good aspects of my personalities. I am astounded at how selfish, cold, nasty & ego I can be at times :) Pick your right fights.