Crime and Punishment

I'm on board :)

How could they? How could anyone do such things? How could you live with yourself afterwards? And how must it feel to be a child whose parent is doing that to you? I keep asking myself why some of us can do such things, but I have no answers to them. I was not brought up with a strong Christian faith but I know that GOD loves his children very much. But I wonder…if GOD truly loves little children so much, why does he let them suffer so heinously? So inhumane. I used to feel that every criminal, no matter how violent they are, should be given the chance to rehabilitated and contribute back to the society. I certainly never supported the death penalty – now I wonder if there can be any punishment too great for those who maim, rape or murder innocent little children. Lets declared that these children voices does matter.

Something beyond balance

Me & her…we have a hate-and-love relationship…we are aware of each other strengths & weaknesses…we have our own territory…yet we still remain so competitive, hungry & greedy for more. I don’t know…perhaps in our previous life…whether I owned her or she owned me…but I thank GOD for putting her in my life. Because of her…I’ve got the monetary increment and the title adjustment. I feel that this promotion happen because of her…not of my own capabilities. I feel like a puppet; in a way. In some ways, I was worried how I’d take it but it’s gone well so far. I am sure that Snow Petrol is not that blind & ignorant as well...Snow Petrol will not simply make such a decision. I would say that 70% is based on my own capabilities and the other 30% is contributed by her. In reality, so many things in life are beyond my control.

see my big smile

Today, I spent my Christmas Eve at Menara Axis…being Santa’s little elves…helping to wrap up presents (there were tons of toys, plush toys, stationary sets, books etc) that will be given away to the children at the UM Hospital. Thanks to Roddy & team for organizing such a meaningful event…I bet the children will be very delighted when they woke up the next morning to see a nicely wrapped present placed beside their bed. It’s very important to remember people on this ocassion, especially these small children because life is very precious. Everyone is special. I never thought that I would be able to do this kind of thing…volunteering my time & energy. I used to do volunteer work…but that was ages ago when I was back in university. I wrap up so many gifts already…I think I am already a pro and can be a qualified professional gift wrapper at Memory Lane :) And it's really nice meeting & working along side a group of strangers that came together today to make this project a sucess. We, the volunteers (from a very diverse backgrounds) are indeed happy that we can participate & contribute to this Christmas assignment.

So, Merry Christmas everyone :)
2010 has been a truly defining year for me. It was a year that I learnt that attention to detail and having proper systems is crucial. It has given me a new perspective on life, and I can’t wait for too long or wait forever for things to happen, I’m not getting any younger :) I've brokendown; torn myself up and now created a brand new me to continue this journey of mine. Instead of trying to fight it, I want to work harder on accepting it and enjoying it because there’s so much to gain. I'm a wild animal on a mission to Realize Powerful Ideas, Connecting The Dots, and Have Loads Of Fun. I'm only interested in being responsible, being on the level and not doing any dumb s**t :)

"Shark in the Water"

It's the end of the yingze’s era…now it’s a new beginning under the Edwardian reign. I have finished doing my handover of my portfolio (D33: Bicyele, Camping, Sports & Nautism and D34: Live Plants & Live Pets) to Edward…hopefully Edward can bring my babies to greater heights. These may be small categories but they hold such a big potential. Edward has a very impressive resume…with a background in stastistics, strong experience in Sales, Marketing, Purchasing, have worked in New Zealand retail business for several years, Edward is someone who is passionate about life, a hard & serious worker with a good sense of responsibility, excellent command in English and is always organized & timely. My babies are in safe hands.

I am not being boastful here…from August 2008 till October 2010…the figures may not be the best internally, but my performance (representing the French) was the best in the retail market. Now all of my competitors are copying me. I am glad that I have set such a benchmark for them to follow. I also feel very lucky and blessed that I was a part of this strong Team Baz. Managing the portfolios was a dream. Even for D34 – I manage to find a new pet supplier to push up the sales and also developed a new sub-category: water fountain for garden landscape purposes. Thank you GOD for holding me together. I would not have walk this far.

Now it’s time for me to move on. Yes, life’s been absolutely full-on the last couple of weeks. And, the last couple of days even packed in some extra punch in all sorts of ways. In fact, things had been so crazy that I sort of lost this little ‘happy place’ that I’ve been in for a while. And, the knowledge that the next couple of months will probably continue to get crazier is even overwhelming me a bit right now. We will be getting our 2011 financial budget, new set of contracts to be negotiated, new directions & strategies etc. Sometimes I become overly caught up with these everyday routine that I haven’t slowed down enough to think and plan carefully. So it’s the time again where I need to find a little quiet space in between to evaluate and plan...and these will help to refresh and empower my overall well being. I need to start to envision again...I dream lots... it's never a bad thing :) It gives me direction; it shows me my ultimate goals and the many precious memories I hope to achieve in my future. The near futures are my life hurdles...the distant futures are the beautiful triumphant days which make difficult times worth all the effort.

I am celebrating opportunities :)

clash of the titans

Attended Rufus’s wedding in Tapah – Natalie, Tin Min, Damian & myself make a short road trip up north. It was a beautiful wedding, fill with great food; especially the chunky satay meat and it was nice to catch-up with some of the Sales Managers, Division Managers, Store Directors from the store team & the Suppliers that came that day. So happy for Rufus :)

This is the person that gave me the kick start to my corporate career with the French. The best individual I have ever worked with. The best support you can ever find in a work place. We are good friends and enjoy working together. I will always remember and miss the battles we fought together. The way we always stood up for and took care of each other. The way we always shared knowledge and helped one another. The stories and memories of our adventures that we will laugh about for the rest of our lives. I wouldn’t be where I am today without Rufus's friendship and guidance. No matter what others say, I know Rufus have to do what that needs to be done at that time. They will never understand. Wait till Snow Petrol, Felix & Celtic have the opportunity to be in Rufus’s position, then they will know & understand. Now, they only know how to criticize, bad-mouthed and complain. I want to see how good they are.
As for me, I have to be neutral and be in the middle ground as I am serving different Masters now. I can really feel that Snow Petrol is hating me to the max now. Anything & everything, Snow Petrol will refer to Felix and bypassing me. And that sarcastic tone. So annoying. We shall see.
The truth is, no one ever got promoted purely because of hard work. Likability, strategic thinking, networking, being a team player are but a few of the other factors that go into crafting a successful career.

Final wedding for this year – Jeffrey & Theresa. Was a beautiful wedding filled with so much love :)

black swan

Finally something to put a smile on my face :)
Blades Of Glory – this movie is really funny & hilarious. I laughed lots until my tummy ache :)
To me, ice-skating is a sports that combines athleticism and grace – it’s all about execution, precision and accuracy in its lifts, the jumps, the splits, the routines. And when you have the first male/male figure skating pair doing ice-skating together, its fireworks all the way :) There is the Will Ferrell’s macho & loud rock star persona and Jon Heder’s shy & charming character - 2 very different personalities working their way together, getting their chemistry right, being comfortable with each other body & aware of each other presence…the whole buddy-buddy process is just entertaining and comical. Really make my day good.

this world has something for me

I have a feeling that Snow Petrol & Felix…is both angry, upset with me…they hates me. I know that the Qmaxco Sofa was a failure…it was a joint decision that WE make together…but I know that Snow Petrol & Felix put me on the front line to take the bullets from the store team…I admit I was green…that there was not enough market research on my part…I also did not have the courage to speak up in the first place and stop them & eventually I have make a wrong decision…which leads to a very disastrous results. I am not saying that Snow Petrol & Felix is making me the scapegoat…that I have to face the store team alone…or perhaps maybe they are…on the surface, both of them wants the store team to see me as the one who is responsible for this mess. In a way, I also know that I did not project a firm, knowledgeable, experienced, credible, confident image as everyone expected of me. In the eyes of my store people, I did not make a very good first impression and I totally screwed up on my first debut as the new buyer of D31-F. Now, I just want to run very, very far away. I do not want to end the year feeling like this.

Nonetheless, the fighter in me…I will continue to fight on and right the wrong. This blow is rough and I have to go back to the basics. I have made a choice - that I want to work hard, remain committed, diligent, determined & disciplined and not by buying a lottery ticket & hope to get rich overnight! I will take this opportunity to learn from this letdown, to build back that trust & my credibility. Yes, this whole sad chapter may indicate to my bosses that I am weak; but to me there is no embarrassment to say that I am sorry (which i did) and be aware of my own limitations. No one is interested in my own success except for myself. I have to ensure my own success. I am my own best asset and the master of my own destiny, to make my own future. I will find the right way to heal, to inspire, and to succeed.

Meanwhile, I better lay low and out of the radar for a while. More battles are coming ahead. Whatever decisions concerning Qmaxco; made by Snow Petrol & Felix will put me in hot soup…I will be in more deep trouble after this. But they will say that yingze is at fault, not theirs.

'Your worries will come and go. But a Positive attitude can weather anything' – UnKnown.

Lagenda Budak Setan

Now I'm not an idealist, and the knowledge that we don't live in a perfect world helps me make flexible choices in life :) The truth is, I can be a hard nut to crack, plus being a stubborn-headed mule, and controlling at times. I'm also blunt. If a spade is a spade, I don't see the need to dress it up and present it in any other way, why waste words right? Usually when I go cryptic, it's because I just want to play around with the words and see how they turn out. I do notice that being politely menacing can be quite fun at times :) and that sorta results in sarcasm - obviously dim-witted people won't see the arrows shooting at them, which is very ideal :)

nine months later

For the past few weeks, I know that I have been complaining, whining, yelling and mumbling to myself a lot! I know that I am not making any sense at all, I feel tired, I feel lost, confused, beaten…yes, I don’t think that’s a good thing. Or healthy either. Life is not always wonderful. No matter what you read here in this site, I can assure you that my life is not perfect. No one’s is, if that makes anyone feel better. GOD is fair. Life is supposed to be a rollercoaster and we will have its ups and downs. I’ve learn life the hard way…when things got too good…the down came crashing down even harder. So when life is a bitch occasionally, don’t sweat it and embrace it. I try to focus on the good things…it helps move me along…and keeps me sane in the process.

I am never satisfied with anything and want more but not the work to get there. Heh….don’t we all? :)

12 by 12

I know I'm tempting fate by saying that my life right now is good.

Given the circumstances of the past year, the loose ends that needs to be clean up are close to relaxing. Of course, I tend to forget that in my life, there is no such thing as peace and comfort. If we can extrapolate the events of my life so far, this part is the calm lull before some insane hurricane sweeps past, forcing me to once again batten down the hatches and weather it out. Some days I am amazed how I've dealt the things in my life and came out. Sure I do not have much friends and I've had very bad things happened to me and would probably still happen, but somehow, regardless of the hypomanic/depression mood swings, I have handled every moment as they come and in many ways come out a little better because of it. Alright, at this point, I realize I may not fulfill my childhood dream of becoming the ruler of the world. Yet given what I've earn thus far, it's hard not to take some fierce pride in it at all.

During some of my more turbulent episodes, I remember that I used to have someone constantly giving me the advice that I should just surrender to the things that come with life and at the end of the day, I would be more happy because of it. I would often argue that in that surrender, we lose out on the potential of fulfilling not just what we could be, but who we could be. I could not live that life, so full of regretful of "what ifs". However as time passed, I realized that there, maybe...there was some merit to the surrender thingy; and in that wisdom, a compromise between the two ideals; became what that has kept me going in these recent time :)

I surrender to the idea that there is a possibility that I would probably never experience a moment of peace in my lifetime. I surrender to the experiences that have taught me to be a soldier, a fighter. I surrender to the reality that I perceive in which all moments are part of a seemingly endless war. I surrender to the possibility that I have no hope and I am already dead :) So I keep on fighting. I fight because I realize it is what I was bred to do. I fight because I realize I shouldn't have to hate the conflicts that I have to endure every moment. I fight because very few people are willing to do so. I fight because at the end of the day, the collective small victories are worth grinning for than a lifetime of regrets.

Yeah, so I'm a walking balance of contradictions. I surrender because it lets me fight better and I fight because it's the closest I can come to finding some measure of satisfaction and peace in my life. Not many people can understand this. In fact, I don't think anyone I know in my life actually gets why I do what I do, which is probably why I don't have many friends. I know it's not a particularly ideal nor is it mentally healthy for me to keep doing so, but until I can find another beneficial compromise that gets me a social life; I am probably going to remain the forced hermit :) Strangely enough, I'm alright with this arrangement at this point of time. It really doesn't bother me to know that no one is willing to take my hand and let me show them a whole different world to the one they know. Then again, maybe it's because I'm not at one of my extreme moods. You know I'll be screaming a whole different tune in one of those episodes. For now though, let's just savor the lull. Rarity after all breeds pricelessness :)

you may say that i'm a dreamer

Once in a while when my day ends in a less desirable conditions, I will go home mumbling to myself, being depressed, mentally listing down all of the things that I could have done better at the work place. In almost all of these situations I realize that the day didn't turn out so well because - somewhere, somehow, at some point in time during the day, I made a compromise with myself and allowed the cynical confusions of what the world wants of me to take over myself. Honest, somewhat honest, very honest, does it matter? At the end of the day, the verdict's out. We've all failed in our quest to create the ideal world, because, at some point in time, someone makes the choice to compromise, and that, has made all the differences.

The moment the words fell out of my mind, I just realized how sinfully well I've treaded the path of the rat-racer. How well I've played the cards dealt to me, and how disgustingly cunning of a fox I've become, to the point that I've blurred the path being that shrewd corporate mix and the idealistic individual who wants to build an ideal world for everyone. Frustration will follows when you're bent to impossible positions. So you see I don't really like to lie, or kiss ass, or tell the donkey he's a horse, but alas, sometimes, a woman's got to do what a woman has to do just to earn her monthly keep. I don't pretend that I'm perfect.

Outlaw Country

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls

-If I Die Young: Band Perry-

'one shot at life'

My greatest challenge has been to overcome my impatience & selfishness. I always want to do everything and go everywhere and get everything done right now, and with my own way. I used to hate to wait for anything or anyone. That was the source of a lot of frustration in my life. Now, I realize that everything happens in its own timing if I’ll just work on one thing at a time and to trust the process of life. Nothing great was built in a day. It takes years to master any craft or trade. It takes years to develop wisdom, grow a business, build a community or change the world.

the truth is hard to come by

Sofa (QMAXCO 299) – first introduction, first project; FAILED.

The store teams are not motivated and encouraged. They have become very critical, demanding, pushy, complaining, questioning, finding faults, being overly negative & non-responsive…they are digging up the past’s dirty dirts, un-earthing the previous mess. They are not giving me the support and do not understand & shared Snow Petrol, Felix & my vision for the D31-F's future direction. Guys, please give me the needed time, space & opportunity to change things and to right the wrong. It cannot be magically done in 1 day time, in 1 week time, in 1 month time. It is going to be a gradual fine-tuning process. I believe the team you build is critical. You cannot do it alone. To make things worst – there is the enemy from within; Celtic have been instigating everyone like nobody business; adding salt & vinegar all over the place. I am exhausted, I am crushed, at my wit’s end, tense.

I know I have stumbled, I shall picked myself up and continue the journey again. Failure is a great teacher if you are willing to learn. My tenacity is my strength. I will never give up on this battle. As Churchill said “Success is not final and failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts”.