Novel Conquering Pride

Merry Belated Christmas :) Another low-profile for me this festive season. Less stress with everything (dinners & visits) went well. Boss gave us (Damian, Eloise, Wyatt & myself) tickets to a Christmas Choir & Ballet performance. It’s not those grand stage performance kind-of-thing but an amateur concert with the participants aged between 15 – 25. The only downside is that I find the stage was too small, which sort of restrict the dancer’s movements. Dance creativity and technicality was at the minimal. But overall they were good. The ballerinas were all so pretty in their fancy frocks & over-the-top make-up. The choreography was nice; the show was very lively and I could feel the energy. I love they way they use dance to tell a simple and meaningful story. Unlike Wyatt who is clueless and yawning throughout the 90 minutes show. I have to nudge him a few times. It’s disrespectful but I guess that boy will never understand and appreciates such art.

I have only been away for a week and so many things have happen. Of course as usual, right at the top is the magnificent duo of Celtic & Wyatt who is trying to control everything and take away all of my everything with Seth closing one eye :) You know what; my DREAM JOB for next year is to be the boss of my boss of my boss of my boss… :) Boss has been admitted to the hospital for internal bleeding. Not sure which organ but heard that it was quite bad and bed rest is required for the next 2 months. Trix is not leaving after all! Yay! My baby sister is flying to Portland, Oregon on the 9th. She has been selected to participate in a Student Exchange Program under the AntaraBudaya Malaysia Youth Ambassadorship. I feel so so proud :) Troy is back from Firenze! Woo Hoo! Callum and Cassius text-messages - I’m smiling :)

Just finished reading another Jack Reacher’s book “Without Fail” and now reading “Killing Floor”. I’m addicted to Homicide Investigation. It’s the only genre I have been reading lately :) “Without Fail” was like mind-blowing in the beginning where everyone was trying to figure out who wants to assassinate the newly elected Vice-President but towards the end, it just flops. Maybe I was expecting someone from the Opposition, some terrorist, some big fucked-up Multinationals…but it turn up to be 2 bastards from the VP past childhood – school bullies who refuse to admit defeat and wants their revenge. And Reacher falls in love but the female love have to die in the end :( If she was not dead, I think Reacher would have stay for her. The first 16 pages of “Killing Floor” – Reacher is arrested for murder and hopefully the momentum just stays on till the end.

My last post for 2006.
Happy New Year 2007! Go out and party hard tonight – feel great, energetic, zippy, happy, sparkly and glowing. And be careful & safe as well. I will be going down to The Curve – for dinner, the carnivals, the concert and the midnight countdown. Cheers!

Firm and Sure

These last few weeks I’ve been battling with a constant spell of gloominess, depression, frustration and overall emptiness. It was a battle from within, hidden and not for all to see. It was regarding decisions, decisions and more decisions - unsure with all this sudden and new changes in M13. I know that life has been incredibly good to me this year, GOD has been very generous, but there is always moments where I’m still trying to piece some of my life pieces back together. Nonetheless, after this *trip* - I’m ready for CHANGE :) The mind has made up. I have taken a very long annual leave; risking the fact that Celtic & Wyatt will take this opportunity to screw me from behind. I caught them a few times already. Maybe it’s their so-called strategy. Damn! Why can’t I just be like them? Why I have to play nice all the time? :) I have conscience. Anyway the holiday was good. Perfect actually.

Thailand Holiday – I have taken a somewhat spontaneous, slightly excessive, couple of days for myself. It was all pretty laid back & casual, but very well organized. I went up to Bangkok and Pattaya with some pals. We booked our AirAsia tickets online and the local ground package. The Land of Smiles has me mesmerized all the time. They are so rich in their ancient Buddhism histories, their Wats’s (temples) pre-historic architecture, the tuk-tuk, their traditional costume (nice texture and nice combination of colors), their culture, heritage and traditions.

First Day – Flight AK880 arrive at Bangkok’s new Suvarnabhumi Airport at 8.55am (Thailand time; Malaysia is ahead by an hour). Surprised, there were no delays. I have friends complaining to me how AirAsia airlines are always running late. Ours were punctual but there wasn’t much leg room :( We check in at the Twin Towers Hotel. The first day was free at own activities, so we took the tuk-tuk and went sightseeing & shopping. Bangkok traffic is really bad. As the tuk-tuk is window-less, we were breathing the evil fumes the whole day and we smell real bad. We went to Mak Bu Kong, Chinatown and Pat Pong. This country really idolize their King, everywhere we go, buildings & towers will hang their King’s portrait and fly the Royalty flags. Their night markets are way better than our local Pasar Malam too. More assortment varieties and prices are dirt cheap.

Second Day – We had a canal cruise on the floating market. We stop at Wat Arun (Temple of Dawn). We visit a Leather & Jewelry factory. The bus drove us up to Pattaya. The last stop for the day was at Sriracha Tiger Zoo – I saw pig racing – very cute :) Pattaya is famous for its vibrant clubbing circuit, those night shows and transsexual activities. After dinner we check the place out, the whole street was like Bangsar at night. Open-air, cheap beer flowing, girls doing the pole dancing thing, girls soliciting for business very openly, you see majority of the foreign men being escorted by the local Thai girls. It’s just pity that the Thai tourism has to rely on such trade. And this has become the Thai tourism identity. We paid 240 Bath to watch a Transsexual Musical Performance :) The ladies were drop dead gorgeous and bustier than any ordinary women on the street. They are not cheap to maintain though. That night, some ladies had wardrobe malfunction (on purpose) and plenty of cleavage exposure.

Third Day – We took a speed boat to Koh Lan Island. We spent half a day there on the beach. Then we proceed to Nong Nooch Garden for a Thai Classical Show and a Muay Thai Kick-boxing match.

Fourth Day – We return to Bangkok and stop by at the Dream World (similar to our Genting’s Theme Park) and the trip ended with our last destination at Four Face Buddha.

Fifth Day – We actually wanted to go back today but the air tickets were pricey, so we extended one more day. We went to the Grand Palace (we snap a lot of pictures) and then more shopping at Pratunam. We shop till we drop. We solely rely on our Tour Guide’s recommendation and it was not disappointing. The place sells all the current ‘IN’ fashion at wholesales prices. Nothing more than 400 Bath. I can’t wait to show-off my new bought clothes :)

Sixth Day – We boarded AK881 (ticket at RM79.90) this morning, had breakfast at the airport and reached LCCT at 12.30pm.

Babyshambles

Happy Feet – ooh, those penguins are so cute. So adorable. The animation was so good, so real that I want to grab those baby penguins and give them a cuddle :) But Nicole Kidman’s soft whiney voice is terribly annoying. And I prefer Hugh Jackman in the flesh :)

Casino Royale – The most jantan James Bond ever. The blond is hot, sexy and squishy and he was like a tight-assed Latino Dance God that can sweep you off your feet. Eva Green; beautiful in both form and substance :)

Work Tales - Lucius is back! Surprised! Surprised! Boss will be going for a 5-months leave (as per the doctor’s advice due to a work-related reason which has not been make known) and Lucius has been appointed as a temporary caretaker. We had a second briefing, the usual stuff. However, some critical questions were not answered. I’m not sure how long I will last, knowing that Seth will pick Celtic & Wyatt over me. I’m used to that already. But I need to do some thinking and there are decisions to be made :)

Lock & Lock

The cat is out from the bag! Finally! We have to start speaking the Queen’s English. I was quite impressed with the new buyer’s presentation but the only downside to it was the lack of time frame. We were briefed that it will be a 1 year transition period, with the same business model, more money will be pumping in, at the moment business is as usual and will be run as a separate entity. Definitely a phase that is going to be very challenging and a time where there are lots to learn and knowledge to be pick. I’ve been in M13 for 21 months; started out as a Management Trainee & was attached with 8 different Product Managers as mentors in 8 different departments. I was given a comfirmed position this year. I have worked with 2 different Directors, saw uncountable people left, experience a very difficult economy year (next year is going to be a very poor Chinese New Year as well), struggling with a soft sourcing/buying sentiment, unfavorable policies, unkind people etc – felt like I reached a milestone.

I had a pre-Christmas lunch today at La Bodega; Tapas y Vinos with Juan, Tommy, Nikolai, Damian, Ping and Joachim. We soak up some café culture, exchange Christmas present and had rocking conversations. We spent most of the afternoon chatting, laughing, teasing and talking secret women’s stuff over cups of hot Lemon Sun Tea. Haha, it was heaps of fun! The food was tasty. The table was laden with fresh fruit salad, English breakfast with omelets, pancakes, tapas, rice, mussels, breads etc. Then afterwards we went earrings shopping :( Earrings are sissy. However a girl must accessories and I simply love rings and bracelets :)
Final destination was Haagen-Dazs ice cream parlor. A single scoop of rum & raisin with an ice cream cone :)

Unwanted, Unimaginable Chaos

Another crappy week.
Business Times reported on Friday in its papers that M13 will be taken over by our British competitor (Tommy joked that we should start speaking English with a British assent). There was a comic strip where a worker was taking down M13 name board and replaced it with the British Tag. And the twists…guess what the management said: “We are sorry for today’s news. We do not denied and yet to confirm the news”. What the! It’s already in the media, and the only decent thing to do is to make a proper corporate announcement to the staff. I think the staff will even be more motivated once we know who the new management is. It’s very unfair for the staff to be the last person to know. Now everything is pending. Luckily some of my projects are not put on hold, I have to say our department suppliers have been very supportive, even though I know that the situation that they are facing are far more demanding – poor thing, they will be worried like hell during this transition period especially regarding payment issues, stock holding etc :( We just want an ending. The staffs deserve better treatment.

Celtic brought me out for dinner at SoulOut in Hartamas – was meeting with some key people (major decision-makers) of an ISO company. Celtic being Celtic; with devilish intention no doubt :) thank GOD I wasn’t intoxicated. The offers, the whole package seems tempting but Celtic just doesn’t understand – I truly know what I want. I know my strengths and I know my flaws well. I’m not going to jumped into something that is unknown. You can go ahead or stick around. I enjoy bugging you and yes we can hold polite conversations now but I am not going to be open with you; I’m not going to reveal anything. Everything is close-guarded. Let you continue to guess :)

Some bastard/asshole stole two wheels from Damian’s MyVi! A good samaritan ran up to the office with the number plates, just to check whether the car belongs to an employee or a customer. At first we thought it was a prank. But when we went down to the parking lot, we were horrified. Two tyres with brand new rims were stolen in broad daylight. The 8 month old MyVi was parked so near to the office. Later it was revealed that there have been several attempts to steal cars in our office compound. Twice on Stavros’s Honda Civic, there was once on Wyatt’s Atos. So insecure!

The weather - and it rained and rained.

a twinkle of shy daring

My week has been filled with lots of crappy, negative stuff.
Monday was Ping’s last day with us :( We were very sad to lose an amazing friend, someone who is cool, laid-back, no pretensions and sweet. On Tuesday, Trix dropped another bomb, Trix decided as well to walk out :( And then, on Friday, it was The Director’s last day. We lost our captain. Since M13 is still in a transition period, the management decides to ship The Director off to a neighboring country. So everyone is very de-motivated, unsure and all of sudden Boss has mellow down a lot. Like the battle is over, there is no more fire & determination in Boss’s eyes. The one thing that I admire and respect about Boss is the fighting spirit. Whatever the obstacles, Boss stubbornly ploughs through. The director’s position is a hot seat and is reserved exclusively for expatriates, but Boss just never gives up that perhaps one day, an Asian individual will be given the throne.

My mom’s cousin has been diagnosed with lung cancer. And the worst part is…our country’s health system. It takes ages for a doctor to attend to their patients in the government hospitals. And if you don’t have the money, you’ll be turn away at the private hospitals. Just imagine what it feels like when the nurse actually ask you whether you have RM5000 with you right now, if you don’t, they cannot process the patient. Not a single trace of sympathy in that voice. I was so naïve and think that saving a life matters more than commercialization. Healthcare and medications in this country is not cheap, same goes for treatment – so I think I need to start to discipline myself to put aside some of my disposable income for future savings. I’m not sure how long will it takes for our government hospitals to improve themselves.

I bought my first insurance policies – Hospital & Surgical, Life and PA. They don’t come cheap :(

It’s raining everyday. I missed the bright blue skies and glowing sunshine.

She Works Hard For Her Money

Not a single word is out yet on who is the new management of M13 so far. Rumors & speculations are spreading like rapid fire. We have been kept waiting anxiously week after week. I really hope the finalized confirmation will be done as soon as possible; I can either concentrate on my projects or start looking for a new job. Whether it’s a local player or a foreign company, I don’t give a damn. I like everyone else just want to know the fate of my position. To be honest, I really don’t want to leave at the moment especially when I feel the sense of ownership over my work, the satisfaction and pride of the outcome. I don’t care if people don’t remember me 1 year down the road, but at least I can be proud of my work discreetly. Whoever has thought 13PCSPBS was a huge success, it caught all of our competitors by surprise. Figures for that category went sky-rocketing high. If I can do some magic, that category will have a 1.4 million turnover by year end. And I like to continue with this product development. Huge potential and we can make money out of it. We just have to act fast before our competitors start to copy our work. Still, there is so much to do. Sometimes I think I am really stupid. Good at school, but stupid at common sense things.

Went to a hen’s night out on Wednesday at Holiday Villa Subang – the food was so-so. I think it’s because they try to localize the taste and it just didn’t turn up tasteful. I give it a C+. The food selection bores me. Luckily we were compensated with a very good time of chatting, gossiping and partaking in the endless mockery. Yeah baby, we chicks knows how to have a good time :)

The last few weeks, we have been blessed with beautiful weather. Rain, rain and more rain! :( So inconvenience to go out, clothes takes a longer time to dry, caught under the rain, outdoor activities are canceled :(

“Everybody is always tugging at you. They’d all like a sort of chunk out of you. I don’t think they realize it, but it’s like ‘grrr do this, grrr do that….’ But you do want to stay intact; intact and on two feet.” – Marilyn Monroe.

Seven-Day Itch

We only ate Domino’s during last year Halloween dinner party, this year – (a bit of a last minute arrangement, but not as late as last year) – we had seafood in Klang instead :) We drove from M13 to the restaurant, after-work traffic was heavy and by the time we reach there, we were drop dead hungry. We wolf down whatever was being served to us. All the plates were polished clean, we devours everything like a little vacuum cleaner – except for the ‘Roast Pig Legs’. Yes, we are having seafood but I don’t know why pork was on the menu – I think Juan ordered it. So the whole night we gobble and chomp. Slurps and sucks. At everything to our tummy’s content :)

I’ve finished reading ‘One Shot’. Great book. How come Jack Reacher character was not adapted to the big screen?! Or a TV series. He’s a very intriguing character. He is an obsessive drifter. He doesn’t like to stay in one place for too long and it got me thinking on how Lee Child will end his character when he decides to stop the book series. Will Reacher dies & be buried with all the military pomp and grandeur, or will he retire and open up an espresso café? He loves coffee. Will he ever be in a permanent relationship? Another thing that I’m very curious about is his underwear :) Reacher owned nothing and carries nothing; he travels light (too light) and he always arranged the smallest details in his life so he could move at a split second’s notice. I’ll go and borrow the next book from Tommy tomorrow.

Movie: ‘The Prestige’. Story was predictable. I thought I will be seeing a lot of magic. But the only main trick was the disappearing-and-reappearing act. But what I love was the narrative style. I like the way Christopher Nolan tells the story. He moves backwards, starting from the ending to the beginning. Unlike some directors who make such an attempt that eventually leaves the audiences more confusing than ever on what happen next or who did what, Nolan masterly did it with so much clarity and conviction. The hardest narrative will be when the 2 lead actors were reading each other diaries – Nolan stylishly move back & forth in time, he interconnects those characters & flashbacks simultaneously. He re-fashioned it as an easy to grasp story. He make something complicated look easy. And the screenplay writer was good as well. It was misdirected, deceiving and delighting. Hugh Jackman was sexy, sensual and enigmatic as I thought it’d be. Christian Bale – I don’t like him in ‘Batman Begins’, but he was very refreshing on the eyes in this movie. This movie is not quirky, unique or arty enough, it’s just very stylish. And the narrative was original.

Cloud Watching

Work has been slow this week, very slow, like a crawling traffic. Laziness reign. Everyone is still away for the holidays; M13 was half-empty, everyone is still in the DeepaRaya mood, taking our own sweet time to do things, coming in the morning late, frequent coffee break in between, going out for lunch early and hoping that time will tick faster so we all can leave the office at 5.30pm sharp :)

Yesterday went to The Rush for a birthday party. It didn’t turn up decent :) Everyone went all out to feel young and crazy and have some irresponsible fun. Drinks and yummy tidbits kept pouring in, heaps of people – Miss Klein, Damian, Trix, Stavros & some other unfamiliar faces was in da’house, great music, sexy dances, nice conversations, lots of hugs was going around. Lovely party! Plus the Halloween deco was cool; all the waitstaff was wearing their monster mask & Halloween props which make the ambience rocks.

IT'S NO CONTEST

Tommy has been recommending me to read Lee Child’s Jack Reacher book series. At first when I look at the name – Lee Child. Not a very interesting name. Haven’t heard of him before. No excitement. The first impression that I’ve got is that probably Mr. Child writes heart-broken type of stories. Then I look at the book cover – boring and dull. It doesn’t attract me to spend my dollars and cents on it.
But once I begin to sit down to read ‘The Enemy’ – hey it’s not that bad. It’s very good. It’ an easy-to-read & pick-up-and-put-down kind of books. I love the way he built up the suspense, the momentum really pulls you to delve into it more, but the ending was a bit flat in ‘The Enemy’. However, ‘One Shot’ looks like a crowd pleaser.
To be honest, this is my first time I’m exploring a military character and Reacher is just so laid-back; yet developed, credible and kick-your-ass-kind of personality. At times I find his one-liners pretty sexy as well :) So far the author has yet to really describe how he actually looks like except that he is very tall, very good at what he does and very irresistible to women. I imagine Reacher might be a bit like Brad Pitt or Keanu Reeves – in terms of their classic, striking, rough masculine good looks.

I have been sneezing randomly and quite a lot too. Probably there are people who are bitching about me behind my back :) 2 days of absence, Seth, Celtic and Wyatt – they can put their heads together and come out with a plot and trust me, they are great bitchers too :) I have seen their work! Have been receiving SMS updates from Damian, - outburst, exchanging of harsh words, arguments etc etc while I was away – I missed the grand show :(

Black/White

Deepavali is tomorrow and Hari Raya is only 3 days away. The festive season is here again :)

I’m on leave for the long week and I get to wake up late. No limit. To my heart’s content. And the best part is that I will have days where I do NOTHING. Waking up in the morning and having NO plans, NO goals, NO agenda and NO stress to achieve for the day :)

But once the holiday ends, it’s back to the battlefield. The official announcement will be out and all those questions about our positions will be answered. Everyone is struggling to hold on ruthlessly. It’s like I rather you die than I die. The war zone didn’t create a monster out of me. I didn’t turn up aggressive, vicious…instead I manage to remain calm and the main focus was to work, earn and learn. I did not compromise on my integrity, honesty and ethicality. Unlike someone who manipulates and violently put other people on the spot. I wonder if they have conscience or it has already been numb and cold. There were people who did try to influence me as well, but nonetheless, as Guillermo once pointed out that I can think for myself.

Six months back, I have jotted down in a piece of paper of what my plans are and how I should go about it and looking at the paper now, I’m glad that I’m on track.
Kris Kristofferson said, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."

THE LONG WALK

It’s been a very long, dull and lame week. I’ve got the letter before the due date but was not disappointed that there were no numbers stated. It’s expected, especially knowing what situation we are in at the moment. Somehow in a very mysterious way, a Guardian appears and is fighting on my behalf that I should receive those extra entitlements. I’m not so sure what the intentions are but after a thorough investigation, cross-checking references…I’m under the impression that I’m sort of being protected in a way for the last 8 months. But this new–found information cannot be publicly known. It will jeopardize the Guardian position and reputation. Exchanging conversations is a no no. I think I will just give a good nod of acknowledgement whenever I passed by the Guardian :) On the surface, it looks like an unlikely alliance but if I trace back, we may share the same roots but different procedures. The Guardian may have found the path; I’m still looking for mine. So I’m looking very jolly of my new discovery and unsure. Sometimes I just need to know. Next week, big things are coming my way. And I’m prepared.

The Director got into a very nasty argument with everyone. So we were not in the mood to party on Friday night to celebrate our Q3. We had a polite dinner together at The Ship. Then we went to the Rush. Tommy, Juan and Nikolai drop out on purpose. Seth, Celtic and Wyatt didn’t even appear for the dinner. So I end up with Damian, Eloise, Stavros, Pietro and Pierre Andre. BORING :(

Dirty Pretty Things

This must be a very good month for the Chinese; so many celebrations are being celebrated. I have been attending dinner parties back and forth, back and forth, from the northern corridor to the southern corridor for 3 weeks in a row. Tiring, but it was a wonderful mix of good friends and good food :)

Work Tales – There is so many things that I was not aware of. I didn’t know that there were people who have high hopes on me, I didn’t know that there were people who were disappointed in me, I didn’t know that there were people who expect me to behave in a certain way, I didn’t know that there were people who expect me to do certain things…I was just so clueless. Some people are really discreet. Or perhaps I live a very sheltered life.

Charles Dickens wrote: ‘Life is a series of comings and goings. That’s the way of it’.
Will try to improve, built and enriched myself. I have always said that I am a piece of work in progress. I am a firm believer that progress and improvement is necessary in life to be a better and happy person. I am who I am. I am accountable for myself and I will be proud of myself. And I’m very thankful for the people who love and pray for me throughout my life because they are not one bit scared to shoulder a burden like me.

Tomorrow is Monday – back to work :( Everyone has been having some shocking early-morning grumpiness lately; it’s the entire haze fault. The haze is so bad; it chokes my lungs, my nose and irritates my eyes & throats.

*smirk*

Tommy, Amadeo & I were running late as there was some last minute stuff that we need to attend to; but we managed to reach Ipoh in one and a half hour time, driving at 140kmph…with strong torrential downpours. It was pretty scary though because the rain was coming down hard, the visibility was poor and dark gray clouds rumbled in the sky all afternoon.

Nonetheless, it was an excellent evening.
Started the evening at 8pm.
BIG portion of food was served on big white porcelain platters.The serving was really HUGE!
Stuffed crabs, sea-cucumber + abalone + scallops + roasted pig + luxurious Chinese food.
It would have cost Nikolai a bomb if the party was held in KL.
Giggly girly chatter all night.
Good looking guys to look at :) That photographer KEN was cute.

Button Down

I don’t know why I was so upset with Seth. That attitude and behavior was not the first, and surely will not be the last. I thought I just go NUMB…but every time it crops up, the pain is getting more unbearable. Don’t blame me if I were to put up a defensive wall between the both of us. You started it.
Things are not rosy at the moment. Probably in a week’s time, we will be able to know who our new sponsors are, something that I’m not looking forward to. Yet being in the middle of this transaction, the experience of watching things change have become so enriching.

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware
I’ve becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone
Every step I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone
And every second I waste is more that I can take

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware
I’ve becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up falling too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware
I’ve becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

-Numb: Linkin Park-

P/S: I’m going up to Ipoh after this with Tommy & Amadeo for Nikolai’s party tonight :)

The Heartbreak Kid

It starts with one thing
I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to explain in due time
All I know time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on
But didn’t even know wasted it all just to watch it go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far but in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

One thing I don’t know why
Doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how I tried so hard

In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was a part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I

I tried so hard
And got so far but in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know

And got so far but in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

-In The End: Linkin Park-

It’s self- explanatory. I'm fucking miserable here and my soul seems to lack feeling. I HATE Seth!

Blue Luster

Football Updates – England beat Andorra 5-0 :) Hey, it’s the mighty English Empire after all and Andorra is nothing. Ok, maybe it’s a little bit insulting of me to say that Andorra is nothing – let me re-phrase that again; Andorra just haven’t reach that benchmark of greatness yet. In the future, they might.

This week, it’s the celebration of our INDEPENDENCE. It’s our 49th and next year will be our 50th. Well, on Merdeka’s eve, I was down at Sunway to watch some really fancy fireworks display. The bright colorful sparkles were really mesmerizing. Yet somehow…I don’t know…I can’t put a finger to it…but I feel there is a lack of patriotism among the rakyat this year :( Maybe there were more important issues – wedding of the year (Siti Nurhaliza & Datuk K), Mawi & Ina confessions on their highly publicized broken engagement, the yearly budget, the PM son-in-law suggesting that the non-malays would take advantage of a weak UMNO and the rotation of the Chief Minister post in Penang.
The Chief Minister post has always been held by the GERAKAN party and some government portfolios have also been traditionally held by certain Chinese & Indians political parties. It has been agreed among the Barisan Nasional component parties that the pie will be shared equally. UMNO will take this, MCA will take that, MIC will have this, Gerakan can have that – it signifies power-sharing, no party will be left out. Of course, there is a silent acknowledgement that UMNO will have a larger share of the pie as they are the majorities of the ruling party. If the government decides to rotate Penang’s CM post – we might as well rotate the PM post. I’m really insulted when they say that the Malays in Penang are being marginalized because they have a Chinese CM.
The non-malays population is dwindling, but don’t take advantage of it. We work hard, we put in effort, we participate in the country’s economic growth, we help strengthen civil institutions, we build national capacity – all without help…we were not as lucky as some community where special privileges are given out and now that privileges have turn into some sort their rights. We work our way up with our bare hands and have never once complaint on those privileges…all these years we have only ask for more mother-tongue schools to be built, more land given to build churches, temples etc. Public universities don’t even recognize UEC (private Chinese high school) qualifications as an entry requirement. Do we make a big fuss out of it? I don’t think we did…the parents just send their kids overseas. If a community is really being marginalized, I say it’s the government at fault for not providing a sound economic environment where everyone can earn a decent living. All I’m saying is be fair. Every racial communities have contributed to this nation. This country is ours. Stop bickering around and say that I’m more superior to you. The government has found the right formula to govern its multi-racial people, so continue with that policies and perhaps, just perhaps minimizing racial prejudice along the way.

Work Tales – this week have been very shitty. The owners in M13 decide to part ways and have put us up for sales :( We have no idea who will be our new sponsor. All of us are crossing our fingers, hoping against hope that the new owners will have strong confidence in our sound business model and the team & will continue to provide us with the necessary funding. Everyone is so worried – whenever there is a merger or take-over, there surely will be retrenchment. Everyone is playing the wait-and-see game. This is so aarrggghhhh! Peace & GOD Bless Yingze.

Just as I’m starting to…starting to see a side, beginning, in fact, to have the first stirrings of feelings – it has been 16 days…maybe it was not meant to be :(

Frostenbury Party

Liverpool beat Chelsea :) England beat Greece. Double Celebration!
The only heart-breaking news is that Owen may be out for the entire Premiership season :( It’s not really a good thing. It may be the end of his footballing career. He may lose his place in Newcastle and also in the English squad. Peter Crouch has been playing well lately and if Crouchie continues to find his space, he will most likely be the first choice to partner Wayne Rooney up-front, if the 4-4-2 formation is played.

This week everyone cease fire :) The Director came back with a sun-kissed tan, immediately holds guard. Issues that need to be sorted out were sorted…for now. However, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. Boss will not settle for anything less.

On Wednesday night – went down to Asia Café to meet up with Club 21. As usual, there were so many beautiful catching-up to do :)

On Friday night – Cassius and I went to Las Carretas – a Mexican restaurant for dinner. It really was one of the best fine dining experiences I’ve ever had. The food was yummy & large in portion, the interior design was so cool; it has a mixture of Mexican and Californian touch, the light were warm & cozy and to top if off, the waitstaff were friendly, not pushy, not hurried. The food presentation was immaculate. The timing between dishes was faultless. Plus the conversations were good too! I didn’t expect that Cassius and I were be able to hold such nice & decent conversation. Usually, we just talk crappy and shallow stuffs. But that night, the tête-à-tête was real and intelligent. I just went all loopy with excitement. It was all good. And it was certainly different. And I was up for something different. Cassius gave me a really good Friday night out :)

Tommy and myself also accompanied Nikolai to pick up some pieces. We were briefed on the procedures and the technicalities. They have a broad range of fabrics and colors for us to play with and I have to say that the designs were very trendy and up-market. It was very hard for us to choose since there were so many choices. We took 4 hours to choose the final 3 perfect pieces.

Oh yeah…I bump into Callum. And I’m still deeply adored Callum :( And I think Callum may feel the same way as well. Sigh…right person, wrong timing. It always happens to me, will I be able to get my timing right for once?

In The PINK

*Terry is the new England Skipper. I love that lad but my first choice for that captaincy would be Stevie G. Because Liverpool rules! And they will win the Community Shield 2006 tonight.

*Troy gave me a fright – text me on 3am-ish with this message: ‘the heart is alone and wants to cry…grieving for the tears…I’m overwhelmed with sadness & loneliness…I don’t know how to cry anymore…’. I know Troy is missing home. The past year has been very cruel.

This week has been dramatic. The Others were in danger!
Someone created trouble, put the blame on Pietro, Seth, Juan & Tommy. Someone ran to daddy and make a complaint. Someone back-mouthed & back-stab and make a scene on purpose.
It smelt like there was a well-planned conspiracy going on. The Director was not in the whole week – went sailing in the Mediterranean. Thus, the timing was perfect. By the time The Director comes back, the storm would have subsided and the crew would have left the ship. (Tommy intended to leave on the spot but I told Tommy not to. It’s not to Tommy’s advantage to leave when Tommy doesn’t have a back-up job and the whole issue is not Tommy’s fault either. It won’t be hard for Tommy to find a similar job, but the tricky part will be asking for similar pay).
It has been very obvious that Boss harbor the ambition to reach the highest office of all; bringing along the team that Boss has build over the years. But this time the culprit was someone else. Someone who is more wicked than Boss. Everyone got a shock; someone was a devil in disguise.
We are yet to determine the motives but most likely it was a grudge at a personal level – against Boss, Pietro, Seth, Juan & Tommy.
But what was very touching in a way, was the way when Boss drops everything, unite the team and fight the outside enemy first. Of course once Boss is done with the culprit, Boss will continue with the office domination plan, but the impressive part of this week was the way Boss, Pietro, Seth, Juan & Tommy handle the situation. Professional, principled and ethical.
The story does not end here yet, I believe there will be a few more episodes to come in the coming weeks :)

From this week experience, I truly feel humbled. Grateful. Indebted. And slightly embarrassed :)
I gotta slow down - to remember that life is good. That things could be worse. And that my little problems aren't so bad in the bigger scale of things.

"I suppose you feel you let everyone down, and that you made a fool out of yourself and everything. But did you notice something, Charlie Brown? The world didn't come to an end."
- Linus, "A Boy Named Charlie Brown"

UNPREDICTABILITY AND SURPRISES

Ugh. This week has been like madness – all hell breaks loose. I was bubbling with bad vibes all over the place. Whatever I did, it just went utterly wrong. And when I try to make things right, the situation got worst :( The Matrix Action has certainly pissed off many people. All of a sudden I am so well-known for all the wrong reasons. Damn it. Anyway I drowned my sorrows with some shopping therapies and yummy sushi.

Mr. Cappuccino Butt

Last week was bitter – initially Celtic & Wyatt was supposed to visit our northern territories, then all of a sudden Boss ask me to join them :( It could have been a fun road trip…but with these 2 people, it just spoils everything. Celtic and Wyatt were very nice; of course they were faking it…and so am I :) Nonetheless, it was a good outing, we did local market analysis, visited some key people in the industries and networking.

This week was delightful. Some amazing things happen – plenty of new assortments to play with, figures have been consistently on the rise, got our Q2 incentives and Nikolai was promoted plus this weekend is Nikolai’s birthday as well :) Juan, Tommy and myself organized a birthday lunch at COCA; invited Joachim along too. We did not expect Nikolai’s superior to come but I think Joachim accepted it as a politeness. The steamboat buffet was tasty. We spent close to 3 hours laughing and nattering away about nothing in particular. We certainly can’t say much in front of Joachim anyway :) After lunch, Tommy, Nikolai & myself hang out at Coffee Bean for our private bitching :) It was wonderfully simple, relaxed, casual and down to earth.

Eye on Everything's

Deary me. What a hectic week this has been.

The Italians won the World Cup + everything is back to its normality + life has been a bit testy for me + project deadlines + a bad headache + a bruised thigh (I knock myself against a metal table) + driving a van that has a cold (it actually shivers – I am so afraid that it will break down anytime now) + lots of eggtarts :)

However on the bright side, today is Tommy’s birthday! So Nikolai & myself organized a birthday lunch at DELICIOUS; Bangsar Village for some alfresco dining in the company of loved ones :) Tommy was disappointed that they don’t serve chill beer. Hence after makan, we brought Tommy to THE TALK – it was nice and cozy as we sat quietly, sipping our beers, gossiping, bitching (as usual Nikolai has many juicy tales to share), gaze off into the far horizon and think about this & that. For a few hours, I totally forgot about the pending deadlines, housework, bills and other problems in the soup of life.

Sometimes You Have To Go A Little Crazy To Stay A Little Sane

OK…so I was wrong. The Germans did not manage to march into the finals. Instead in its place were the Italians. Bad German defense aside, I have actually forgotten how beautiful Alessandro Del Piero is! He was so hot and sexy. Together with Totti, Zidane, Figo – they were like the soon-to-be-retire players, but it was great watching them in action, strutting their stuff on the pitch and to have that final glory. Physical fitness is one thing but experiences do play a vital role as well. The French team has proved that those aging legs of theirs can still pose danger to their opponents. So who will it be? The Azzurri’s or Les Bleus? 1-0 – to the French :)

This week has been very happening. We had a K session the other night; organized by Nikolai – with the presence of Wyatt, Eloise and Stavros. Eloise and Stavros are Boss’s new recruit. But Tommy pointed out that we need an alliance, we need a source; as effective as CNN to report back to us on what Boss & Co. are up to :) So we were not socializing but actually working…overtime…and are not entitle to any entertainment claims :)

We watched ‘Superman Returns’ as well. The movie was boring. Simple storyline, no thrills, no fun. Only this time the special effects look much more real and convincing than those made during the Christopher Reeves era. Disney Pixar’s ‘Cars’ was even better. The cars have such cute animated expressions and they have emotions too.

Yesterday night we celebrated our Q2 with a seafood buffet at Hyatt Saujana and all night party at RP :) A night where everyone was not well-behaved :)

The Mechanical Bride

[x] You take your shoes off before entering the house.
[x] You eat rice often.
[ ] You use chopsticks.
[x] You can speak an Asian language.
[x] Your parents want good grades from you.
[x] Your parents insist you don't date until college.
[ ] Your parents want you to go to Berkeley or some other good university like that. Stanford or Harvard, even better.
[ ] Your parents believe in Feng Shui.
[ ] You listen to those horoscopes/zodiac signs.
[ ] Your parents love to gossip with the other parents about you.
[ ] You have relatives other than your immediate family living with you.
[x] Most or all of your friends are Asian.
[ ] You don't even know 10 people who aren't Asian.
[x] Your ancestors came from Asia.
[ ] You are obsessed with the computer and can't get enough.
[ ] You know how to put a computer together.
[x] You listen to Asian music.
[x] You can actually understand the lyrics.
[x] You have to keep things from your parents, even if they're not bad, because you know they'd THINK it's bad.
[ ] Your relatives love to bring you clothes that are bright in color with cute cartoons on them. If you're lucky, it might even have English words on them that don't make sense.
[x] You love your ethnic food.
[ ] You have taken/still take piano and/or violin.
[ ] Classical music is the best music ever, next to Asian music.
[ ] You are good at math.

Amount if x multiply by 4.
Put the product as I AM 44% Asian.
Yeah, I don't have that much roots in me :)

PS: A disastrously outing for the English as they went down to the Portuguese :( They could have played a better game. France beat Brazil :) astonishing but splendid!
The Final Destination – Germany vs. France.

What July Brings...

It was disappointing that the Italians managed to net in a goal in the final minute of the match. Nonetheless the Australians put up a great performance and I’m damn proud of them. Many were skeptical that they would actually survive in the hardest group of all. What’s more, soccer is not a huge thing in a cricket & rugby crazy country. However with this World Cup phenomenal, the Aussies have found a new sport to worship :)
Tonight matches are interesting as well. It would be awesome if Ghana could spoil it for Brazil. And then there is France vs. Spain – 2 Europe archrivals. Will the aging Les Bleus manage to claw their way out. Or the Spanish empire can outsmart them.

Last night I had durians feast at Seth’s place. Even though Trix and Damien couldn’t get the D24, the D11 durians remain just as finger-linking-good as well. The golden aroma, the yellow flesh – they were yum. It is a treat, a real treat :) for me and Miss Klein.

The Real Thing

THEY are a CLOSURE for me now. Period. It's time to move on.

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life

- Green Day: Time Of Your Life -

PS: Australia drew 2-2 with Croatia, the boys are through ;) Bring on the Italians!

Happiness In A Box

It is expected that when Australia play against Brazil, they will lose. But there is always hope and going down 2-0 is not that bad after all. I just hope that they will play better and get the much needed 3 points when they meet Croatia early tomorrow morning. Owen is out :( definitely not his year. Now he needs a good rest and start delivering the goals for the new EPL season with Newcastle. I find that this year World Cup is a little bit disappointing though – all the best players who perform so well with their club failed to lived up to their reputation when they play for their country. Ronaldo wasn’t that great, worst still; he hasn’t scored yet. Zidane, Raul, Figo, Viera, Ballack, McBride, Nakata – haven’t seen their signature kicks yet. Maybe their country-mates have yet to understand how these players movement are around the field when delivering the ball to them. There were so many uncountable missed chances.

Farewell Week – we said our goodbyes to Cili Padi and Kurt with a very heavy heart. They were good people who did great stuff. Lucius still hangs around but yet to receive any official title and confirmation from Boss.
Wyatt and Celtic continue to have their catfights :) Celtic has been very sour-ish – Wyatt has been very keen in overpowering Celtic, nonetheless…I’m still defeated.
Juan is away for 2 weeks and Tommy has chicken pox :)

If The Streets Were Not That Crowded

It was the most brilliant match so far – seeing Australia coming from behind Japan to nail a 3-1 was just so beautiful. Their 1^st goal was their motivation. All of a sudden, all the tired legs began to run energetically and their fighting spirit just soars with determination. I am so damn proud of them! :)

Callum and Trix reminded me that I’m not an Aussie – of course I’m not but you can’t stop me from having such a strong attachment to that continent. I was there for 2 years and when I leave, I was leaving my extended families, friends and…him. I fell in love with the place. At times, I devise ways on how I can get my ass back there :)

Work is horrible – Juan was backstab by someone, lots of bitching going around, finger-pointing occasionally, people creating problems…it was just so annoying talking to these humans. A friendly reminder has already been emailed to them since last week, yet they actually ignored my email, key in the data wrongly, don’t even apologize and have no sense of responsibility at all. They actually say “You tell Boss Lor”. Wrong data key in only what. What’s the big deal”? What’s the big deal? – they are all department heads, yet behaving like school children. Wrong data key in means that the management will not get the accurate figures. How are we going to convince the management to allocate us with a bigger budget when we even can’t get the statistics right. I could be very irresponsible if I wanted to but it’s not my work ethics to tolerate shitty work!

Bottled & Packaged

The world’s beautiful game is on. I thought the Germans were pretty impressive, beating Costa Rica 4-2. Definitely have shown why they are good enough to lift the cup this year. Their midfields were robust, good tactical strategies, now all they need to do is to patch up their loose defense and put Oliver Kahn back between the goal poles. Get rid of that Arsenal keeper – I felt that Jens Lehmann is no where as good as Kahn. If Kahn had played the opening match, I’m sure he could save those 2 goals. England wasn’t that impressive when they played against Paraguay. With Gerrard, Lampard, Joe Cole & Owen – I tend to expect something more than that. More aggressive, more ball possession, more corners and more running around. Of course, we have been spared off by Peter Crouch robotic dance :) Another good game was between Sweden and Trinidad & Tobago. It’s unbelievable that the Swedes didn’t manage to get all the 3 points. I have to say that the West Ham goalkeeper make 6 brilliant saves. It could have been Sweden 6, Trinidad & Tobago 0.

Watched 'X-Men: The Last Stand' – great special effects, only disappointed that the character development was pretty limited. Well, there are so many characters, can’t give all of them sufficient air time. Besides, it’s has always been Wolverine anyway :)
And I’m happy that Rogue decides to become normal. It’s indeed soul-torturing when you can’t touch, hold or even hug someone. It’s like the affection consciousness in you is being cut off. But who is right in the end? I think everyone is; only different beliefs on how to live. Mutants need to integrate into the society, should not be discriminated, should not be pressured to give up their identity – it just needs rules to govern behaviors and actions. A certain protocol – when not to read someone else’s mind, when not to throw fire, when to use the doors and not through the walls. It needs very tight control and a bit of flexibility. Of course, it has always been easier to say than done.

Lately the newspapers have been a very interesting read. The ex-PM trashing the current PM. I’m all for a more transparent administration, a freer media, youths speaking up…and I think there is nothing wrong if the ex-PM raises a few questions but to the extend that stating the current PM was not his first choice…that hurts. It might have a hidden agenda though – splitting the current PM and deputy PM perhaps :)
If the current PM is dismantling projects and changing policies of his predecessor, he is free to do so. He has the right because he is the man in charge of running the country right now. What is wrong in correcting a wrong policy?

Work politics is at fever pitch level as well – just play dumb :)

Tender

Juan, Nikolai and Tommy were so sweet – they organized my birthday party at work today. I was so touched. And they have to put the exact number of candles on the cake to reflect my age! Lucius drop by; not a surprised. Boss did some magic, it’s not official yet but Lucius is already back to work. That magnitude of power is so enviable.

A year older – wow! In certain areas, I felt that I have learned and accomplish so much yet there are still areas of concern :) that still needs a lot of hard work…will work on it :)

Swivel & Sizzle

A prominent Professor from a local university suggested it. A high-rank Minister gives two thumbs up. The much talk about current hot issue – Misyar Marriages; a matrimonial pact where the man need not give his wife any material support like money or clothing – except provide for her sexual needs! It seems that this practice is not uncommon among the rich in some Arab countries where wealthy women were not dependent on men to provide for them. The Minister approves that the Misyar Union should be recognize in this country in view of the increasing number of unmarried women.
This is crap. No offence, but we women are not cheap. This is an insult! A sane lady will never commit herself to such marriages. Even the isteri pertama, isteri kedua is already so reluctant to share their husband, what’s more being engaged in a loveless marriage. No matter how good the sex is, at the end of the day, women are still very emotionally attached. Besides, women are less horny and can control themselves better. It looks like the guys will benefit more. They don’t even have to pay! Cheaper than hiring a prostitute. Just imagine, a father telling his son that he can have sex without strings attached.
Unmarried women on the rise – so? What’s the big deal about it? This whole issue portrays women as a horny husband-snatcher. We are trying to upgrade the status of women in all areas, giving them the opportunity, yet…
I think women have made so much progress; it’s only some men who are moving backward, intimidated by our sense of independence, intelligence and confidence.

My October Coffee

Finally it’s weekend. I’m supposed to join Tommy & Nikolai for K but I just have to pass. I am drop dead exhausted. The whole body is aching and is screaming for some pampering. So I’m just staying indoors tonight. The week has been such a headache! Problems that demands immediate solutions, last minute insufficiencies, change of plans, the list just goes on. Nonetheless, some events have kept me entertained. I’m already immune to all these. Whenever a memo is being circulated, I’ll just go ‘Oh. OK. Not Surprise’. Then, Tommy, Nikolai and myself will be guessing who’s next. We’re rascals! :) For me, the happenings are sending out all the wrong signals. It’s not a good indication. Confidence, motivation and stability are being thrown out of the window bit by bit. I’m sure Boss will use all the power to bring Lucius back. Lucius still have the value that will benefit Boss & Co. unlike Cili Padi and Kurt - they are gone for good.
And of course Celtic and Wyatt’s competitive antics keeps me entertain as well. They tickle me. There is only one throne. At times the second-in-line may bypass the heir.

I am so disappointed. The movie was such a letdown. I was expecting something great coming out from Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. The book was such a good read (with the advantage of being more descriptive of course and I know what's the next scene is all about) but the movie was flat. When I read about Silas character, I can actually feel his pain, his doubts but the movie was bloodless. I don’t feel the fast-pace, the thrill – overall it’s just not that good. It’s a pale comparison to the book.

The Blue Stain

Taylor Hicks won! Expected!

I am so bloody tired this week. Since Monday every hour, every day tiny menial problems cropped up from everywhere and from everyone. I have been stretched so thin and to the max. I don’t even have the time to pee! Welcome to the corporate world.

Oh, Lucius stepped down with immediate effect and Cili Padi & Kurt put in their resignation. Ouch! That hurts! Badly!

Conversations For One

Last night “American Idol” results were a shocker! When Seacrest announced that Chris was voted out! :( i was so taken aback. I was expecting Chris and Katherine to be the finalist not the bottom 2! Judging from the trend and audience reception, it certainly looks like America loves the white hair guy. Taylor is just a good entertainer; he can only sing songs from my Pa’s generation and I agree with Simon that at times Taylor is indeed a good impersonator of the singer whose song he sings & yes it sounds karaoke. On the other hand, Chris’s vocals are the most rock solid of the four and original in his presentation. If Taylor wins, he will be the most matured Idol.
The curtains are coming down soon, crossing my fingers that McPhee will be at the Kodak Theater for the finale even though her chances do look slim. This year competition has been unique and cutthroat. All of them have their own sound. Chris is a rocker, Yamin with his soulful and jazzy feel, Katherine with her smoldering ballads, Paris with her Motown blood = all of them have been equally good. It make it harder for America to choose.

Mom is away for 2 days at a Church Camp in Port Dickson for some spiritual education, healing, praying and fellowship. So I’m doing all of the house chores – from cooking to doing the laundry, cleaning, scrubbing, groceries shopping, taking out the garbage blah, blah, blah. Pretty domesticated isn’t it? It’s not something I’m good at (i’m horrible at it) but somehow it has been enjoyable :)

Mother’s Day is this Sunday and a big salute to all the Mommies out there. I know it’s not easy being a mom these days especially for those working mothers who try to balance family and career at the same time. Both are equally important and the satisfaction is just rewarding but in a different emotion context. Career gives women a sense of independence and boosts their self-confidence while family affairs bring out the tender motherly side of the woman.

To my MOM, Happy Mother’s Day. Thank You So Much For Everything :)

Voyeurism

A very busy week. I am so happy that today is a Public Holiday. If it weren’t, I don’t think I can show up for work today :) I’m exhausted. I just want to be in bed and sleep the whole day.
Two extremely big projects to keep an eye on & Seth and Celtic just came back from Canton, so there were many follow-up to do. The workstation now resembles a war zone. The next 49 days is going to be very grueling. The pressure is there, everyone is feeling the heat already. It has been made very clear that we are expected to perform and deliver a resounding Q2 results! Of course Wyatt has been helpful…and annoying…and nosy…and…this dude just got a real attitude problem! – and Celtic is worried.
Celtic is made of good character but the competitiveness, highly ambitious and insecurities somehow overshadow it. Celtic wants to be at the top…alone…and no one else. The reason Celtic brought Wyatt in was to keep an eye on me…and if possible to replace me. But Celtic miscalculated. Wyatt is growing up too fast – thanks to Celtic for being such a good teacher and the limitless freedom that Celtic has given him in the first place (barely 2 months here, Celtic already approved Wyatt to do the hard-core work task. Juan, Nikolai, Tommy and myself don’t even get to do it until our fourth month). That boy may have a problem but he is hungry. He doesn’t want my place. He is aiming for Celtic’s. Man will always be man. If you want power, you know where you need to be. Besides, Celtic itself is already a good example. Celtic is a little bit afraid and I can see that Celtic has been cutting down a little bit of Wyatt’s workload. I’m sure the next few weeks are going to be very charming :) and strange. Boss has been very caring of me lately. I still cannot see how I fit into Boss’s plans or how I will be used. Dirty tactics they may be but if you look at them in a positive light – they are called surviving skills. Boss looks after the troops well, they are fed and cloth generously. Boss actually has career progression plans for each of them. So switching camps is not that bad after all :) In return, Boss just asks for obedience and unwavering support - follow the lead. I wonder if I can do that.

Football Tales
The talk of the town – Wayne Rooney! It’s so sad that England chances have been cut into half! :( I doubt Rooney can recover in time and Owen’s fitness level doesn’t look that promising either. What is even more hopeless is that the England squad doesn’t have a wide selection of good & quality strikers to choose from. They have been heavily depended on Owen & Rooney. They can’t recall Teddy Sheringham or Alan Shearer. Of course the veterans can still kick some balls but they have passed their prime. Same goes with Heskey and Fowler. Peter Crouch is not consistent – there were many times that he has been shooting blanks. The other young English strikers that are available are just too young and inexperienced. Now to win the game, the role of the Midfielders has become even more crucial. They are the link. Gerrard, Becks & Lampard will have to provide the points for us.

“Mission Impossible 3” is playing in the cinemas now. I think I go and watch it with S next weekend. Looking forward to Tom Hanks’s “The DaVinci Code” and "X-Men". I read Dan Brown’s “Angels & Demons” and “The DaVinci Code” – both the books plots are just so appealing…with mystery and adventure throwing in together. The clues were so coincidental that you want to believe it. The truth will never be known but the big IF has creates the aura that there is a possibility to the conspiracy.

"Crazy/Beautiful"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome To My Life

-Simple Plan: Welcome To My Life-

SNIPPETS

The viral infection was pretty bad so I was off on Monday & Tuesday. I really wanted to go back to work (not that I’m hardworking but the pile of documents lying on my tray needs my urgent attention), but then again…my doctor’s prescription insists that I need 2 days of good rest, so what the heck – 2 days MC leave then. My doctor knows me best :) Besides, The Director and Boss & Co. are not around. No problems are too big for Seth and Celtic to handle. Wyatt is a big boy now. He’s irritating – he is like Celtic’s eyes, ears and hands now. The exact duplication copy! How annoying! I find Celtic is giving him way too much of freedom – I think he needs to be control. He is starting to step on everyone’s head; including mine! And I don’t fancy that. Just because Celtic is looking after his ass, he is doing whatever he pleases with arrogance. Called me selfish – but he is not coming in into my territory. One more time – straight away I am going to Boss’s room. Boss will take this opportunity to be on my side just to annoy Seth. I would love to see Wyatt to put a foot wrong with Boss & Co. or to undermine Celtic’s authority. Let Celtic feel how I feel. That will be a grand show :)
I know – what a horrible person I have become, like a wicked bitch! Like Tommy said – it’s not us, not our nature of doing things…but the circumstances dictates so. We played nice – we didn’t get anything. Meanwhile, before a better rice bowl comes our way, just do whatever to ensure that we still receive our wages. We work for money after all and money is everything. And I also make sure that both of my work portfolio and external network contacts are building up in the midst of these all. I’m not going to walk out of this place empty-handed.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes welcome a baby girl – named her Suri, which meant Princess in Hebrew or in Persian, it means Red Roses. I was expecting something more American. And rumor has it that Tom actually ate the placenta. Yuck!
Gywneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had baby Mosses recently as well. Apple + Mosses = it sounds very biblical isn’t it? I thought she would name her infant Bruce, after her father.
And like the rest of the paparazzi – I’m waiting breathlessly for the birth of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s first child. That baby is so lucky, not only with a silver spoon but very good DNA as well.

Sick Note

I am sick. *sniff.sniff.cough.cough*

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday.)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

-Daniel Powter: Bad Day-

Broken Scar

Unexpected…totally!
The first quarter of this year has been rough. The market movement was soft, someone made a mistake & we have been chasing contributions like hell to recover, the pricey petrol then trigger a chain reaction – all prices were pushed up & the majority folks in the supply chain refuse to absorb the cost and our British, French & Hongkie competitors began to throw prices like nobody business – and yet in the midst of these all – we still manage to hit the Q1 Budget! :) The best part is that we will be rewarded accordingly. Yeah! It’s good news, everyone is happy, the motivation scale is sky high and it boost everyone’s confidence – I don’t know how we did it. Either we really did it or the numbers have been creatively moved around. Who cares! :)
The Director was in the mood to party – treated us to a sumptuous dinner at the Sun & Surf, Sunway Hotel on Friday night…opening a few bottles of expensive red wine, then it was party time at the FLAME :) We love our Director.

I have nothing much to add to my work tales this week. I think I have join Juan, Tommy & Nikolai’s where-we-couldn’t-be-bother-anymore club – just do the job and if there are better things that comes along, just jump on the bandwagon. I think the 4 of us can do our job very well; it’s just that some people like to suppress us – and this is the frustrating part. I think I may be slightly luckier than the 3 of them because things are improving. But to actually feel that I’m fitting in well…nah, not at the moment. I don’t want to bitch about Seth’s leadership or management skills, I don’t want to bitch about Celtic or Wyatt anymore – it’s not that I’m that good either. Who knows they may hate my guts, my flaws and my faults. I’m not trying to be gracious or being self-denial, it just that outside people can see for themselves.

Crossing Bridges

Yesterday’s lunch was lovely. It really caught us by surprise because we didn’t know that Juan is such a wonderful cook. Tommy mischievously said that we should do this on a weekly basis :) We started off with shrimps as our appetizers, followed by pasta, clams, button mushrooms & fried wanton and the lemon pie dessert ends with a bang. Then we hang out at Juan’s vast balcony with orange juice in our hands (as we decline Juan’s well-stock collection of alcoholic beverages invitation because we wanted to remain sober for the rest of the day) – enjoying the cool wind and sight of Bangsar.
This is life! Just lepaking around, talking…everything has been happening so fast for us lately and now we are in the month of April – we were so caught in the middle of our work, we did not even once pause to analyze, think things through or just relax and the priority to focus on ourselves just diminish. Of course, what we are going through is not in the turbulent category, but it did give us some mental stress. We view conflicts as building blocks to a better relationship but some people see it as something that is going against them.

So we decided it’s time to rejuvenate ourselves, live healthier, have better relationships, focus less on materialistic issues & more on the human aspects, being a better individual and start afresh…starting from tomorrow :)

Work Tales

Tuesday night was Kakak’s farewell party at RP – more like a mini M13 annual dinner, the whole world was there, and there were representatives from every department except from Derek’s :) I would have preferred a smaller crowd as we get to spend some quality moments together for the last time.

Work Tales – everything seems ok. Looks like everyone is trying. I take it as a good sign. I hope it’s not a hangat-hangat tahi ayam kind of thing where you just try for 3 days and that’s it. I found out that Celtic was indeed feeling threatened of my presence. Before my arrival, Celtic was the youngest of the lot and Celtic has been showered with attention non-stop. Then I came in and people began to turn their attention to me. What’s more I gel in pretty well and can click with Miss Klein, Tommy and Nikolai. Celtic was just jealous :) I really want to go up to Celtic and say I’m not after your job – your job is safe. I will stay for a while but I don’t see myself serving here for 5 years or more. Unless of course if M13 can offer me better monetary & non-monetary benefits that are too good to refused. But that will never happen! Boss & Co. will never move their asses from their thrones with the salaries that they are earning and their age. Young people like myself, Tommy and Nikolai will definitely switch to other jobs with better offers. I don’t want to remain stagnant either. Different companies and different industries can teach you many things.

Going to Juan’s place for lunch after this – we are having Pasta Fiesta.

ME

I don't need to be anything other

Than a prison guard's son

I don't need to be anything other

Than a specialist's son

I don't have to be anyone other

Than the birth of two souls in one

Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn

I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn

I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn

Am I the only one who noticed?

I can't be the only one who's learned!

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please?

If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave

I came from the mountain

The crust of creation

My whole situation-made from clay to stone

And now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

I don't want to be

-Gavin DeGraw: I Don't Want To Be-

BURP!

The Awesome Foursome: Yesterday was great! We can really eat! Such pigs we are! Yesterday we ate non-stop! From 12 to 2.30pm, we were at GENJI – replenishing our plates with fresh oysters, raw salmons, sushis & sashimis, tempuras, grilled squids & mussels, cakes and ice cream :) The quantities that we took certainly can feed 10 mouths! Plus the RM56 was certainly worth every cent. To bad Miss Klein and Trix couldn’t join us. GENJI is a really nice place to have an intimate Sunday lunch – the place is well spread so the people won’t just crowd in one area, they have high ceilings, very detailed authentic tradition Japanese furnishings – you just feel like you’re in Japan. It’s very different from the commercialized-modern interiors of the Sushi King franchise and the other sushi bars.
Once the buffet ended, it was early for us to call it a day. So, we decide to meet up with Kakak – went down to Subang Parade for Coffee Bean! We sat there for an hour – I was so tempted to have a go at their moist chocolate cake, but knowing that my stomach cannot stand another heavy food component, I settle down with a Vanilla Ice Blended instead. Then, we were off to perfume shopping. Kakak wants to buy a perfume but a bitchy, provocative yet sexy fragrance – apparently it’s not that easy to fine – what’s more we can’t agree on one smell and have very differing taste & opinions. Like I love CK, BodyShop and Ralph Lauren because they are fresh, sporty, urban and spring – they think it’s too sweet; no personality. Lauder & Dior are no-no for me – so auntie! Well, finally Kakak decided on a Burberry London – which Nikolai uses...to spray mozzies (serious)! The Channel was not that bad either but Nikolai commented that it was a cross between the minyak angin and Ambi Pur :)
Without realizing, it’s already 7 in the evening and Kakak is already hungry – so we went to TGI’s Friday. I know that Tommy, Nikolai and myself would love to have a main course but with the heavy lunch getting in our way…we had finger food instead – fried calamari and a seafood platter.
When I got home – I was really stuffed…I’m sure last night my stomach was working overtime to digest the load :)

Waking up this morning – I still feel full :) Didn’t do much today, went down to SS2 to get some torture from my Dentist. I’ll be a couch potato tonight :)

Just About Anything & Everything

Celtic took 2 days off – all of a sudden; which is weird because Celtic is a workaholic! I’m just curious on how Celtic will spend the 2 days – will it be a time for reflection or worst – master mind-ing some evil-down-fall plans. I know I’m being paranoid and yes the feeling of insecurity is there. With Celtic’s absence from work, I took the opportunity to discuss the issue with Seth. Of course Seth is fully aware of the problem from the beginning and acknowledges it. The reason that no corrective actions are being taken is because Seth doesn’t want to be too confrontational. Excuse me – this is not provoking, this is about solving your employees’ problem before it get serious, before it is firmly rooted…it cannot and should not be avoided & buried and just forget-about-it kind of thing. So I am the bad girl but I’m glad that I brought it up.
I will be on leave (again!) on next week Monday & Tuesday (to clear my last year outstanding leaves) and when I come back on Wednesday, I’m not putting any high hopes for things to change because it can’t happen in a blink of an eye. But at least I want to see that we are putting in efforts to make things better. If things don’t work out, it just doesn’t but at least the try is there. Boss & Co. has smell that something is brewing among us – they cannot pin point what it is now but they being very smart people will probably be able to figure this out very soon.

My CV has generated interest from 2 companies. I’m not being picky but I can’t have so-so salary where my logistics expenses are a hill high. Yes, graduates has been reminded constantly by the government and professionals that they should be grateful that they even have a job and don’t bother about the pay so much but I can’t live from month to month with a minus figure in my book. I need to cover all of my expenses and leave some for saving as well. I feel that the companies these days take the country’s graduates for granted just because the supply is more than demand. Just imagine – the latest employment trend is to give a new recruit a one-year working contract. If the new recruit’s performance is deemed satisfactorily, the recruit will then be given 6 months probation before being confirmed as a permanent staff. If the contract letter does not state any salary adjustment within that 1-year of contractual employment, then the new recruit will not have an increment and the increment will only be given once the probation ends. That means the company saves a lot of money and you’re a cheap labor.
And our wise DPM said don’t job hop, be loyal to the company that trains you. Thank goodness that the professional experts out there disagree with him. Yes, we should not job-hop frequently like every year because it reflects bad on us but we do need to job-hop that will leads us to better things. We shouldn’t be loyal to companies that don’t give us a sense of ownership and security.
5 years – ok, don’t go to far – 3 years down the road, when I read this back…I hope I’m in better position and can laugh this one off :)
Let’s see how it goes for me because I want my second job to be better than my current one. I will continue to look around but I don’t want to rush…but I think I will hang around in M13 for a while. If things do get worst, I still have to swallow them until a better offer comes along…rather than being jobless. Sending those CVs earlier – I was panic :)

I woke up at 6.45 am-ish this morning to send my sis to school as she had a school excursion. It’s so nice to drive early in the morning – a bit chilly and so quiet and the best part is that there is no traffic! No annoying beastly drivers around.
Tomorrow will be going to PJ Hilton for a Japanese buffet with Juan, Tommy & Nikolai – looking forward to all the colorful sushis and oysters. I’m drooling right now :)

The Darker Spectrum

I’m on leave today :)
I have upgraded my CV this morning and now I’m sending them out while ranting this.
Trouble is looking for me and I’m in deep shit right now. Yesterday evening – before I left, I sort of blurted out how I feel of the whole situation to Celtic. It was spontaneous, accidental and unintentional. I was actually waiting for the right time to discuss the issue with Seth. However – all the accumulative frustration that was building up inside of me just couldn’t take it anymore – and I just spill everything out. Celtic didn’t take it well. I know I should have done it in a more proper way.
I can’t be immune to the situation. I know I’m being selfish a little for rocking the boat but what is wrong needs to be right.
So I assume, this morning without my presence, Seth, Celtic and of course Wyatt will be strategizing on their next move. If only Jacques were here :( Nonetheless, if they want to be upset or angry with me – I respect their emotions. I just voice out my concerns – for this team’s sake because if we continue to have team members that doesn’t see eye to eye – there is no point. And I think as managers they should be readily to accept positive praises and critics as well. If they are kecil hati about it – there is certainly nothing much I can do. Maybe I’m the villain, maybe I’m the problem.

F1 Fever: It’s going to be an open race. The first 2 rounds are too early to tell. King Alonso has won and now he has the pressure to defend. The Prancing Horse especially Michael needs a win before he retires (i think) and The Finn desperately needs a win and overcome all the mechanical failures that is giving him a bit of a problem. Of course, fans should not underestimate the other tier of drivers as well – Button, Webber, Montoya, Massa and Fisichella. But one thing is for sure – a new era is here for the sport – the dominance, the strength and the quicksilver of Renault.

It Resumes

A plate of Char Kuey Teow used to cost me RM3.50. However, after the price increase of crude oil, this unscrupulous tauke charges me RM4.00 for the exact same plate – apparently the extra RM0.50 doesn’t mean that I get a bigger portion or an extra shrimp. And later throughout this week – my lunch meal expenses has incurred a few extra dollars. The rakyat is always the victim of the government’s doings. The latter has been advising us to cut down on our daily expenses and spend our money wisely but what about those hard-core poor?! Those who live in squatter areas? Those whose wages is below RM1,000? How are they supposed to trim down further their already extremely tight budget? No need to eat? Well, I’m waiting to see what sort of measures that the PM has promised to lighten the rakyat’s burden. I feel that one important action that the government must take is to ensure that businesses should not hike up their prices unreasonably. It does not justify when a RM0.30 extra sees consumers forking up to RM1.00.

This week has been awful. Things have gone from bad to worst. Celtic has personally chosen & picked a new recruit (its one of Celtic’s kinfolk - more like nepotism to me) – Wyatt’s the name :( I don’t feel the sense of ownership of my work anymore. Any information and communication is just between Seth & Celtic. They don’t disclose them to me, as though I’m invisible. How am I going to be a supporting cast when I'm not aware of the updates? Self-help books have mention to always look for a solution not at the problem but it takes two (in this case 3) to tango. There is no point if I’m striving hard to be a team member when one of them is unwilling to accept the fact that I am around. Tommy already warns me that this will happen. There is no room for me. It's only the both of them. Juan, Tommy and myself have been pretty depressed this week – all of us have issues and we need divine intervention now!

I had lunch yesterday with The Circle. There was so much of catching up to do :) We reminiscence back on our college days, how much we have changed, how fake we become when we are at work, how we hate our current jobs, the people and juicy gossips. I missed the old times. I don’t feel like going back to work tomorrow but then again…I need to learn on how to deal with such people and cope with such a situation. That way, I can improve right? (yeah right!)