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In a nutshell, my life in 2008 has been 30% gorgeously & amazingly incredible and 70% really hard labor :) Especially in the last 5 months of my life which has been the most intense of all. I think having a job with The French quickly put things into perspective. And re-discovering the buzz that comes from it while enjoying this crazy life at times :)

GOD has crafted many new experiences for me this year – they have been Scary, Beautiful, Mind-numbing torture, Magical, Bleakness, Tender, Precious, Panic, Painful, Mind boggling, Wisdom and Pride moments. Part of me jumped for joy, the other was utterly floored as I choked back the tears. Ah… Such bittersweet colors of my world.

My 2009 Resolution - Enjoy Life, oh...and throw in some work once in a while! :)
Plus Go Fresh - Celebrating Fresh Moments; Keeping Your Life Fresh & Exciting, Being Cool & Staying Cool :)
The idea behind it; is all about being – having the passion to live a balanced, energized & happy life and finding fulfillment in the everyday moments.

As for the 28 Points above – it only meant more responsibilities on my shoulders, but it’s also about building myself in every aspect possible, it’s all about planning for the future...and is all about increasing my personal VALUE. See on how I’m doing in various areas in my life. Take a little time for myself. Concentrate on myself. I don’t mean being self-absorbed or selfish. It’s just for self-improvement :)

No one really knows what to make of this whole mortgage-crisis-credit-crunch-financial-meltdown-political turmoil thingy; so, in the face of these uncertain times - let’s lie low, hibernate and enjoy the pleasures of domesticity. Continuing uncertainty is the only Malaysian certainty :)
Family, Friendship, Good Food, Love & Prayers will get us all through.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped - living the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own, inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary” - unknown.

Happy New Year 2009 :)

The Shadow of the Wind

Chelsea drew 2-2 with Fulham.
And the best part is – Liverpool thumped Newcastle 5-1 :) Yay! Top of the table.

It’s been a good year for The Reds.
And this year also mark Steven Gerrard’s 10 years of Liverpool first-team football. He was given the Liverpool Captaincy at the age of 23. His career really flourishes when Michael Owen & Robbie Fowler – the 2 big beast of the Anfield dressing room had gone. And over the years, Gerrard has developed a specialization in getting Liverpool out of trouble in those critical stages.
This lad is the most complete, excellent & absolutely world-class midfield player in the whole wide world. Everywhere the ball is, he seems to be there. He’s got that unbelievable engine, desire and determination. He is influential, he is a player who commands authority and can lead by example on the pitch & inspires the team with his humility.

2009 – Go Reds! You can win the title :) We are just this close.

a slice of peacan danish

It’s a fact – it’s a Big Bad World out there…but we need to have Hope & Faith…we need to believe in the Magic, we need to believe in Happy Endings :) Even more so for me; come next year…2009.

This movie is hilarious, adequate story line and the cast was brilliant & engaging. Not to mention the producers have gotten some big talents on board as well – from Courtney Cox Arquette, Keri Russell, Guy Pearce to Lucy Lawless.

Even though it was copy & paste kind of thingy and lack of real originality from an adult point of view (the first bedtime story was set in Medieval Times, follow by the Old West, Ancient Rome and the final showdown in the Outer Space) however it still entertains – your typical predictable Disney comedy. Which all kids will love and enjoy.
Adam Sandler the goofy comedian was down-to-earth, random, fast-paced, witty and simply charming. His humor in this movie is not cringe-inducing, it’s not too in-your-face, not too intellectual, it’s just great everyday humor – just nice :)
The children (played by Jonathan Heit & Laura Kesling) are so adorable, so sweet and so whole-heartedly absolute. I want them as my own :)
Upstaging the dog for comic relief, there is Bugsy; the guinea pig with this huge pair of cute eyes. Either you love it or you find them eerie.

So, don’t stop believing :)

just me and my thoughts

Merry Christmas Everyone :)
My tag line for this festive season is Go Fresh - Celebrating Fresh Moments; it’s all about Keeping Your Life Fresh & Exciting, Being Cool & Staying Cool :)

Catch 22

Head Office Annual Dinner & Dance, Lagoon 1 SunWay Resort Hotel & Spa: Around The World In One Night - it was a nice dinner; and it was great meeting new people, getting new perspective on things. I only knew a handful of people there, and worked my way around the table. I talked and talked and talked. The performances were outrageous, hilarious and drop dead silly. FUN!

I’m so sick of talking about work for now :)

To step onto Irish soil

Sneeze. Sneeze. Sneeze.
I am sick :(

baby love

Poor me…Iron Butterfly betul-betul torture me today.
That buyer got problem – yes, I’m a problem child. Ended up feeling like a total loser. Sometimes I wonder how foolish I can be.
I have a major problem – the heart is not at the right place at the moment. It is no longer there. And I have to fix it – quick.
One hell of a ride…but it opened up my world.

I hate to write about my failing and disappointment here...I know it is my blog and I should be able to write what I wanted...but I don't know…somehow opening up too much doesn't seems to feel right...life is a mess...I can't cope with the rest...am falling behind...am lost and confused...again! My blog revolves a lot of my life negativity isn't it?

angel wings

My Baby – the Tropicana City Mall project.
Kena hentam teruk-teruk from Iron Butterfly today :(
Didn't meet the high expectations.
I’m willing to move mountains to make it work…but I still touch wood.
I’m commited to it…whatever I can do that’s humanly possible, I’m going to do it.

'Twas such a journey, took so long...*too* long, in fact. I'm glad it’s going to be over soon.
Work is a priority but not an obsession. I love it, I make sacrifices for my job and I wouldn’t put anything before it. But there are times when you have to get work out of your system.

New Page View

The sun was warm and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky!
I met the HeadHunter. I don’t consider this as an interview session; more of like an appointment to further discuss about the industry that we are in. We had coffee. It was all very casual and tongue-in-cheek. Very funny.
The HeadHunter spoke. She’s a good talker, a fine PR lady. I find her lovely, hardworking and an inspiring young woman! And we share the same name :)
I asked her various casual questions about this and that. I tried to be a bit particular and difficult. Then I asked her a lot of hard questions. She answered them well. I think she rocks. I know the English very well, too well; better than her. Therefore, she cannot con me into the job that easily :)

Work Tales – my Pa is right…I will give myself another 3 more months, if I still can’t perform…I will ask for a transfer or I will submit my love letter to Iron Butterfly. I mean, there is certainly no point in wasting my time & energy and at the end of the day, all I get is nothing. I can’t perform, I will get demoralized. Then I will feel terrible enough on my own without being made to feel terrible by someone else who’s of more superior intellect than me such as Celtic, Iron Butterfly or Rufus. I just hope my own stupidity does not kill me. I know exactly where I stand in all of this. I’m not too concerned about it. Nor am I stressed, sad or upset. Maybe you could say, I’m just a little bit impatient.

The other thing is that I feel as though there are not enough of hours in the weekend to do the stuffs that I like :(

Callum was in town for a week before leaving for Italy again. I didn’t spend the whole day thinking of him but the possibilities of us. I shouldn’t be thinking about these things - but I am.

silent killer

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken so they'd think that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first and make the rules as I go cause I know that she’ll be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home
If I were a boy I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake, think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you, you thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understandand you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

(Beyonce: If I Were A Boy) - I’m officially addicted to this song :)

killing me softly

Top 500 Leaders Convention 2008, Sunway Pyramid Convention Centre – there were so many people there! I met up with some of my Division Managers & Sales Managers. I had such a wonderful time talking to everyone, laughing, chatting, eating, floating and just being me.
The French has a new vision, a new goal, new strategies, new priorities, new values and a new tag line. Our 2009 direction. It covers Business Model, Leadership, Branding & Communication, Management Development Program, Increase Productivity, Employee Satisfaction and Corporate Social Responsibility.
There was also assessments on our present situation, successes & failures and opportunities. Speeches, presentations and tributes of the past were very powerful. Everyone was really charged up. All of the Commex Directors was fantastic. They were charming, warm, personal and every question was answered clearly & concisely, with good humour and genuine excitement. With tough domestic competition, the team needs to focus, consolidate and compete more intelligently & aggressively. You feel like you’re a part of something big :)

Iron Butterfly have also make things crystal clear. If you are running now, you have to run even more faster. If you can’t keep up with the tempo, you better surrender and leave. Iron Butterfly wants a strong team and eliminate weak teammembers from slowing down the whole team.
I may be exhausted but so far, there’s a lot to learn, and I want to learn it all. I learn a lot of things from Iron Butterfly which I know will help me to live my career life better and stronger. I’ve just finish my one-to-one session with Iron Butterfly on the Tropicana Project. I’m always nervous when there are such sessions. What if I didn’t know the answers? How am I going to justify the logic and reasonableness? How am I going to explain the tricky parts? The meeting went alright. I had some good stuff going on; and of course there are some bumps as well where I need to make some changes here and there.

I always wonder why I end up doing the same stupid mistakes - repeating them over and over again. Yes, I’m very young, some people have even mention that I don’t deserve to be where I am today, I’m raw, I may not handle or manage things well but I think I have the potential to grow. All I need is for people to invest their time, knowledge & experience in me; doing it willingly, generously, gracefully and graciously :) That's how you create future leaders.
I admit; I’m a slow learner :) Different people have different learning capabilities.

I'm going to take a lot of risk next week. It’s nothing big really, but like all risks, it requires a great deal of trust and optimistic hopefulness. An old friend used to label me 'fatalistically optimistic'. I'll require that, a lot. (I still feel a little bit of fear) :)

My brain is full of ideas, plans, strategies, schedules. Yet I can just feel something inside of me looking for that moment of rest. That quiet place.

The year’s gone by quite fast. Initially I thought it’d take ages to get through.

yes, i will run the race - do not wait

Whistling in the dark. To be confident that something good will happen when it is not at all likely :)

I mean work has been distressing, holding the fort alone, not to mention plain boring and dull. Ocassionally I just wander into the abyss which is the black hole in the milky way – asking myself what am I doing here? Sigh…

i am still the girl who...

I’m so heartbroken. I’m so de-motivated. No matter how much effort I put in, no matter what I do – at the end of the day; the numbers do not reflect my numerous effort, it does not justify all of my hard work & time. There is no sales satisfaction.

This is the most challenging category that I have ever encountered. The nature of the whole thing is so seasonal – it fluctuates like nobody business! I realized that I have to bang the right items at the right price at the right time. It’s not like the Appliances Category where there is new product development every month. It’s not like the Stationary Category where it is an everyday fast-moving routine items. It’s not like the HouseHold or the DIY Category where there are so many assortments to play around with.

Did I NOT do something right? This crazy life is wearing me down; and now I just want to go home to the big Australian skies. Iron Butterfly is as demanding as ever. I wish I could do more. I’m beginning to detest of going into work…the “drag myself out of the bed” feeling is getting to me. I need to motivate myself and feel positive to want to go to work. I’m kind of worried that I might jinx things again. I don’t want that. I wish I knew what to do and that I’d stop feeling like I don’t know what’s going on.

Right now, I can’t think of anything more satisfying than sitting in front of the TV, eating take-away, lights down low, in my pajamas and watching crap on TV. I’m a home girl at heart :)

So I think I am ready for 27!

dig for diamonds, don't chase butterflies

G.K. Chesterton: "I own my sucess to having listened respectfully to the very best advice and then going away and doing the exact opposite".

:)

TGIF

you struggle through a nightmare week; enduring the pressures and strains of modern working life. by the time you stumble into the bathroom on a friday morning, you're already muttering the mantra of the stressed out: THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.

more than you

life will never be easy. it's like the mountains. after scaling one mountain, you'll find there will be a bigger mountain before you. but what makes this journey worthwhile is that you stop and smell the flowers. sometimes you have to look for these flowers, but i believe you will always find what you look for :)

so always be grateful of what you have and appreciate them.

Burn Notice

I re-read back all of the post that I have blogged since 2005! Whew! :)

The stories - the difficult times, the tears, the conflicts, the shouts, the insults, the joy, the happyness, the thankfulness, the gratefulness, the grace…it was indeed a gorgeous time for reflection. Perfect for re-charging my soul. Remembering that no matter what happens; life is what I make of it. I need to go through the whole growing up process to be a better wholesome person.

At the end of the day, the only things that truly matter in our life are love, family & friends and good food. Remember to live in the moment. Do not be so consumed by the past or the future and to enjoy every second in life to the fullest :)

history in the making

brave new world

Happy Belated Deepavali :)
This year I celebrated the Festival Of Light at S house. As I couldn’t find the right Hamper (they were pricey and the contents were not so practical)…I bought S a birthday cake instead…knowing that the next day will be her big day at 26th :)
S’s mum made an amazing platter of curries – chicken, mutton, veggie and shrimps. 2 thumbs up – they were drop dead delicious :) The dishes were amazing! The house was filled with the smell of the food, pastries, cookies & treats – it was sensational!

Metrojaya Warehouse Sales; Shah Alam Stadium.
All the garments seemed well priced, however a lot of their tops were of smaller sizes (which i can't fit in), everything was of good quality, big brands galore and unique designs. I am very prudent on how I spend my money (i’m a cheapo)…even though I am always on the look-out for good bargains but warehouse sales like this is certainly not my thing. I don’t like crowded places. So I ended up buying 2 CDs at RM9.90 each :)

The HeadHunter called…somehow; I’m always fated to be in that department. I've cross-checked with Juan, I may be attached to the Books & Music section – under Atticus’s charge. The only sure thing I have right now is my work…maybe. I don’t know what I’m going through currently…it’s like this directionless phase where nothing seems to matter. Shit!
The only thing that I’m dammed proud of myself this week is that I’m the only Sports Buyer available in the market. I’m pretty proud of discovering this piece of information, but at the same time I’m not surprised. The market is having a shortage of buyers. Celtic is the most in-demand buyer at the moment. Celtic is so arrogant these days. What a show-off. I’m in the half-past six category :) I probably am stupid, but to be made to feel inferior is not something I want to happen too often.
I’ve a work review coming up soon…I hate it when Iron Butterfly introduces me to everyone as the sporty one. I watched sports but I don’t play sports! That doesn’t make me sporty! We just don’t think the same. And that’s dangerous :) I don’t think I have accomplished much…I don’t even know what to say on the review day…shit!

red sea

Liverpool's Steven Gerrard (R) celebrates with Xabi Alonso after beating Chelsea 1-0 during their English Premier League soccer match at Stamford Bridge. Yay :)

the giant in you

I have been head-hunted :)
Thank you GOD, thank you for everything, thank you for the continuous opportunities & chances, thank you for giving me the break to make a name for myself in this industry, thank you for marking up my market value, thank you for this life!

The depression and bumps in my life, the stories of hardship and stress – I have to go through them all. And I will have many more to come as I know my life will not be easy and kind. But GOD doesn’t dish out problems without solutions :) I also know that I will reap the rewards later on.
I know I’m not Christ-like, I’m Church anti-social, I’m not a frequent Church-goer, I swear at times, I'm an atheist, I believe in the existence of extra-terrestrials and alien life form, I believe that there will never be peace on earth and justice for all. There is no such thing as equality and the rich will continue to rob the poor. But I show my worship and thankfulness to GOD in my own way. Whether it’s Christian-like or not – this is my way, this is my choice and stop being judgmental about it. At the end of the day, I will face GOD and do all the answering. I am a strong believer in “You have a Choice & Everything in moderation”.

I had a haircut today. A cute bob :)
The cut was fine. Quite nice actually. I have been going to Chong for 2 years now – he’s a decent male hairdresser. Very quiet. I would have preferred someone who would squeal with delight when he/she runs his/her fingers through my hair. One who would scold me for using cheap and nasty shampoos. One who would be inspired by the colors on my face and the changing season outside to make love to my hair and tame the wild beast that it is.

Liverpool VS Chelsea – I’m so excited. Big football game tonight :)

you got to have faith and hope

My 100th post for this year…wow…felt like I’ve reach a milestone in my blogging ‘career’ with Blogger.
My first blog was on 24th September 2005 at 11:26am. It took me 3 years to get here; 254th postings…boy, I’m real slow :)

I think it's really true when people say that time flies by after you hit 21.

Here I am. And it is a new beginning. A new step. I am happy that things are moving forward. Things are happening. I have faith. I just had to let myself go through the whole process. Sometimes the darkest moments in our lives aren’t when we hit rock bottom. Sometimes the darkest moments in our lives is when we hit rock bottom and realize that the abyss actually goes on forever :)

It's almost 43 months since I've entered the hectic hectic world of the FMCG industry. Life was busy and it was all about keeping up with my deadlines. I remembered the tiredness. I remember the bleakness whenever a challenge was thrown at me. I remember having no joy in my spirit when things weren’t going my way and knowing that my former colleagues were doing so well in their career. I remember trying to live - one day at the time. Having to concentrate on just getting through that single day. It was too painful to think about the future, or life. I remember the sheer focus, the mental discipline and having faith in GOD that was needed to stop myself from going mad. The thousands of terrible and depressing thoughts, raining relentlessly in my head; images I couldn’t stop, clouding my view, gripping, choking, dragging me down to that deep, dark place. I remember GOD then. Holding on to this really huge floating thing that kept my head above the water. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it, nor why I was doing it at that time, but it was big, much bigger than me, and it worked. I had to wait for so long. I nearly gave up. I remember the helplessness. I remember I couldn’t do a single thing to change anything. Nothing. Just hopelessness. Emptiness. And heart-wrenching sadness.

Then came HER & and that one breakthrough. I thank HER for where I am today.
I’ve experienced failure, depression and rejection but also found success and triumph. Now; looking back...it's bittersweet. I'm still a piece of work in progress...but i'm growing up.
I discover one of life’s sweetest words – it’s GRACE. It heals all that is broken inside me and makes me want to change my life. To live the best I can. With purpose. With significance. With gratitude. With happiness.

Then there was Cassius, Callum & Torres – I admit. I’m bad at relationships. I’m bad in managing them. Come to think of it, I might even have a beautiful ending with either one of them…if I didn’t screw up…

What's next? I wonder.

Yellow Man

Whew! I’m tired. Just got back from Singapore with Iron Butterfly, Celtic and Wendy.
It was a study cum working trip for the 4 of us – we studied the Singaporean market, customer trends, supplier networking, how our Singaporean counterparts conduct their business, their merchandise display and human relations. I am impressed. The Singapore market is way mature compare to Malaysia. Customers are more knowledgeable, have a higher spending power and are more product-quality oriented. Their suppliers are more experienced and have wider market exposure compare to my local suppliers when it comes to doing business, they are so creative in their marketing & promotion mechanics – this I must educate my suppliers. I took a lot of pictures on their merchandise display, open-concept block display & pillar branding – they are just so proper and neat and can create the ‘wow’ impact to lure the customers to walk in into their shops. Not like my Subang store – like a cheap warehouse. Overall I was really impressed with the Singaporean level of professionalism.
I am also impressed with Iron Butterfly as well. During meals time with suppliers, Iron Butterfly handled the question time with ease and precision, deflected lots of silly questions while still being positive. Working trips are inspiring! You get to chat with a bunch of new and interesting people.

Singapore is a sophisticated, developed, modern and a truly global city with its amazing, sweeping, postcard-perfect views of the city. You can literally see, feel, smell and taste that Singapore has been a cross roads of international trade and cultural exchange for centuries. We stayed at Beach Hotel which was situated on Beach Street – the location where many young backpackers come to stay. The place is literally filled with many cafes, restaurants and shopping malls - featuring a secret garden-styled outdoor setting, with cafe tables dotted amongst water fountains, vines, bushy trees, flower beds and birds tweeting in the canopy high above. It’s absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t resist.

(I have a sudden craving for some alone time)

run; not to make short cuts but make a better self

Task to do:
(1) Brand Fair Mailer Nov – Dec.
(2) BTS 1 & Christmas Mailer.
(3) BTS 2 & Christmas Mailer.
(4) Spring Cleaning 2009 Mailer.
(5) Store 011 Re-vamping Layout.
(6) Tropicana Layout.
(7) USJ19 Layout.

I have no business acumen and I’m horrid with numbers.

This is beginning to run me dry. And I have been very unprepared…

Top Sonic

Selamat Hari Raya

There is always so much going on in my head, but today; it all seemed to be moving at the same speed, with the same rhythm.
Strolling through the city. Shopping at The Curve. Wandering up and down the malls; ended up with 2 new tops :) Sitting in cafes. Devouring greasy hotdogs. I float happily.

Tomorrow - putting a little bit of faith into my heart, and putting aside the fear, and taking the big leap.
Whatever it is, I must keep positive because something good will crop up eventually.

celebrating life in a positive way

Give Thanks - HE will make way

In June, I was the assistant teacher in the Junior Sunday School class assisting Gary…early this month, circumstances have forced me to go full time and today is my last class. I’m so glad :)

Some times the kids are the sweetest, coolest, funniest, loving, most excellent and most wonderful little darlings ever. But at times; it’s just stubbornness. It’s UTTER DISOBEDIENCE, ON STEROIDS. It’s a senseless, irrational, single-minded, unwavering, testosterone-fuelled, kamikaze disobedience. No amounts of reasoning, negotiation, positive or negative coercion will make the children turn from their path. And then the whole class will spiral out of control.
I realized that I was quite wishy-washy with their discipline. We had some black and white rules. But for the grey areas, I kept making up new rules and discarding the old ones as new situations unfolded. So I guess the kids didn’t take them seriously, or they just got confused. I think I gave a lot of empty threats as well, which I did not follow through with. When I asked them to do something, I should have expected them to do it. But instead I re-negotiated and explained and listed reasons and talked and talked, thus I let them get away with it and they wouldn’t do it until I blew up in anger.

I was also very aware that I was dealing with 10 very different personalities of the little people here, so what will work for one; will probably not work for another.
Victor – the most creative of all; be it in music or art, copies his big brother in mostly everything. I organized 2 craft sessions for the children and Victor always comes out with something that amazes me. I hope it will be a huge boost to his confidence, development and identity.
Caleb & Enoch – noisy, playful, talkative, comical and reckless.
Phentia & Joshua – well, this sister & brother team have not turn up for the past 1 month.
Samantha - she has been blessed by a cool, unaffected confidence about everything.
Basil – the weakling, the cry baby…I really wanted to make a ‘man’ out of him.
The J Siblings – never take the class seriously, never like to take part in the class activities. I racked my brain thinking of activities and practical lessons for them - different ways to contrive situations to encourage good character traits like teamwork, friendliness and sharing. However, it failed.
Steven – the obedient, faithful & hardworking one.
As I said before, kids behaving badly are just a normal part of growing up.
On the flip side, you don’t want to under-estimate the child’s potential or be a pushy teacher or be one with deluded expectations. You don’t want to smother the child, hold them back or keep them wrapped up in a cotton wool.

To be honest, I’m not really that well-versed in biblical studies, I know nothing, I basically just follow the module but most important of all…I want the children to have fun. But sometimes it hit me – what do I want to impart unto them at the end of the day? What kind of character do I have? And how is my character going to grow unto these children in terms of attitudes, behaviors, thinking and values? Which leads me to: How can I help the kids to develop good characteristics in the first place?

For example, I was a very cautious child. As a kid, I used to be proud that I had never broken a single bone in my body - no broken ankle, arm or wrist. Never had any stitches. I’ve never stepped on a bee, got stung by a jelly fish, fallen out of a tree, wandered too close to slippery rocks. It took me ages to coach myself past that way of thinking. I think there’s a huge degree of intellectual and emotional laziness associated with it, as well as the need to be in control and the need for stability. But I’m no psychologist, I don’t know what this entire means - I just know how to work around it in my life. That is why I always play safe. And I think I have to wake myself up with a kick in the butt, drag my sorry self away from my bubble of contentment and force myself to do something out of the ordinary :)

Lots to think about. Lots to hope for :)

the dance unfolds

The plan today was to go to Jusco and pick up some toiletries & personal care items…but I ended up shopping & buying a new handbag and 2 gorgeous tops – impromptu! :) Like I was also berraya-ing with my fellow Muslim community for the last minute Raya shopping. I think I need a new pair of jeans, a watch, some bling-bling bracelets or rings and a party dress.

I really enjoy ogling at beautiful clothes; and looking at how colors, styles, textures and moods arrive from the “fashion” world and then permeates into the rest of the “design” world to define what’s visually cool and fashionable in today’s popular culture. But when it comes to dressing myself up…I tend to go for something that is simple, comfy and just being me. Nothing extravagant…then it will be very un-yingze like :) I’m not into brands or teeny fashion trends. I’m a careful shopper; I’m always on the look out for a good bargain. Like today, everything I bought was at 50% off. And I like to think that I’m careful with my money :)
I’m still trying to save up more money. It’s so hard, and it takes so long. Money does make the world go round and it is everything. Without money I feel insecure, I can’t go through my day without it. Even if I don’t eat, my family has to eat…my car have to ‘eat’ as well.
I put down a RM10k for my new car down payment and borrowed another RM5k from my Pa so I can cut short the installment period. Now I have to pay my car installment every month and also trying to pay back my Pa as soon as possible. I don’t get paid a lot. I wish I could get paid more. But Iron Butterfly thinks I’m too expensive :(

just tell it like it is

Monday – attended the Coleman Trade Show at Hotel Istana. I had an ok time. I didn’t have a fantastic time, but it was fun nonetheless; with Iron Butterfly & Rufus around. The event set-up was nice and cozy. The camping gears and outdoor pieces were breathtaking. I would describe their American range as very stylish, lush, distinctive, vibrant and a bit vintage, arty and eclectic. They make camping stylish…and the heavy-duty raft boat…it looks very sexy. It makes me want to jump onto it and blaze through the rapids. I guess they are selling the idea, the lifestyle, the brand and the image. To try to get more people to go outdoors :)

Tuesday – meeting with Noro Singapore. Sometimes I don’t like the fact that I know nothing about this industry that I worked in. I feel stupid. I still have problems. Issues. Flaws.
Coleman CEO & CFO visit – we did a branding block display presentation for them. They were impressed :)
Right now, if possible…I try to avoid being alone with Iron Butterfly…because whenever we are alone, Iron Butterfly will start to psycho me again. Iron Butterfly has got a big personality, a strong spirit and a whole lot of big ideas. But sometimes, the techniques are a little bit skeptical. I tend to play safe and Iron Butterfly is the opposite. But I’m learning lots from Iron Butterfly and are currently revisiting old ones as well. Rufus is amazing too – fantastic to work with, full of great ideas, amazing results, lovely personality, professional but fun, hard working, very determined to get that perfect shot. Iron Butterfly & Rufus have great chemistry. I love the way they talked about their business ventures. As if they were talking about a little project they just happened to find in their garage. But to look around and see what they have created from nothing, I was in awe.

Wednesday – dinner with Seth & Celtic. The place was cheap to eat, the cheerful kind of environment, quite crowded, a bit daggy, unpretentious, full of colourful international characters and the food was just excellent.

Thursday – negotiation for Brand Fair November till December.

Today - lunch with May Leng & Miss Chan. Best part of the afternoon: catching-up :)

This week conclusion: I’m draining and exhausting. My eyes are sore, my skin feels weird and worst of all, my hair feels oh so gross. In the midst of our daily hustle and bustle, our flurry of daily activities, rushing here and there, we see LIFE. As it is. Steady and continuous. Ongoing and faithful. Unaffected by us.

unforgettable - that's who you are

Dear Diary,

This week has been hell-lish!
Sales have dropped dramatically this month.
Entry Margin & Gross Margin was at a reduced percentage rate compare to last year.
Profitability is at a negative.
Outstanding Promotion Fees (i can’t cough out another RM100k, even if I ‘stand’ in Bangsar for a month, I am still unable to pump in that amount of money).
High stock level until it reaches a point where the RY reject supplier stock upon delivery. Thank GOD, the suppliers didn’t chase me with their ‘parang’.
Never-ending deadlines. I have to learn the art of prioritizing. I have a feeling that I am in danger of turning into a workaholic. Maybe I’m one already.

This French life is crazy. And Iron Butterfly has set a deadline for me – I have to complete everything by the end of November. And I have to deliver the figures and perform in the next 100 days…or not…I am very sure that my appraisal will be screwed! I’m beginning to realise that some ends are out of my grasp and it’d do no good to wish, hope or dream because it’ll never come to be and it will be consequentially depressing. I may not get the confirmation. I think, in some ways…and probably more true than I’d care to admit, is that I’m bloody scared of what may or may not happen. Look, I’m going to give my best. If I can perform, I stay…if I can’t…I shall start looking…maybe I’m not suitable for this…maybe Iron Butterfly have really psycho, brainwash me and put a dent on my self-confidence.

Looking at all of it right now, it makes me feel like I want to take my bags, pack them with all of my belongings and disappear into the unknown.

I've have thanked GOD quite publicly here before, but today I want to say thank you again and dedicate this entire post to Him. For the opportunities, for the twists and turns in my life, for giving me these skills, for the friends who've helped me to get to where I am today, for the future (bright, I hope), for what's possible, for the dreams I'm allowed to realized, I thank You. And yes, sometimes the trivial problems of our everyday life hinder us from seeing the bigger problems of the world. I will be humble. I will respect and treat my families & friends well. And I will keep my feet firmly on the ground as my hands reach for the stars.

a suitable boy

Congratulations to Ping & Tony :)

I just can’t begin to describe how excellent and fun the wedding dinner was! Everyone was in da’house – Celtic, Wyatt, Seth, Juan, Julian, Lucius, Thor, Torres, Amadeo, Sverre Magnus, Regina, Justin, Sharan, Farah, Najib and many more. The atmosphere is fantastic! :) It was unfortunate that Miss Klein, Trix, Damian, Nikolai, Tommy, Boss & Pierre Andre couldn’t make it. We could bring the whole event down! :)

The ballroom décor is gorgeous with chandeliers, vintage wallpapers, antique furnitures and big rugs. The whole place is dripping with abundance and vintage luxury. I love it. The food was awesome and arrived quickly too (hey, we were starving! the dinner was supposed to start at 7pm, but it was delay till 8.15pm)! The meal was DELICIOUS, fresh and tasty. The wait staffs were excellent and helpful. Nothing to complain about! Highly recommended! Hey, it’s the Bangsar Seafood Garden! Family speeches were all really touching and charming, even though it was a bit long-winded. The dancing performances (from jazz to hip-hop, ballroom dance & cha-cha) were cute & enjoyable. Everything was just so nice. The details were perfect…very typical of Ping. Ping’s creative signature was all over the place - girly, very entertaining and heaps of fun. All of us ate, we drank, taking photos and silly antics. Seth’s baby was feeling pretty crook that night so Seth couldn’t stay for long. The trio has to make an early exit.

I saw so many people I knew from all over the place and some faces I haven’t seen in years. I walked around to each table, striking up conversations with old friends, old colleagues, a few familiar faces and some really interesting people on our table. I’m the kinda gal who finds it hard to contain my delight. Mind you, I’m often delighted by very simple things. VERY. Simple things. And most times, people don’t often share my amusement :)

I missed Juan. Juan is still the same - strong, bold, funny, witty. A real character. Juan has been a good mentor to me and like an older sibling watching & protecting over me. Wyatt has certainly mature a lot. And he was great to talk to! Lively, confident, intelligent and passionate about his work. He was very modest and very kind. After his horrible working experience with The French, Wyatt has decided to switch his career from Commercial to Schematic. Maybe I should do the same thing as well. Iron Butterfly is not making my life any easier. Plus, Rufus is beginning to side Iron Butterfly as well. I’m being ignored and neglected. It’s a good thing…I have some space to breath :)

And all of us had a fantastic time! The company of great friends is priceless indeed!

I still hate Iron Butterfly. But life for me is still moving forward. I’m still pursuing my career and interests. I’m still being a happy and active person. I’m still planning a future filled with rich and new experiences. I still want to make sure that I grow old while living a full life.

Nineteen Eighty Two

No need to wait for a year...100 days...and let’s see how things will work out.
The Iron Butterfly challenges me and asks me what I have achieved so far…I’m only here for a month and obviously there is no achievement or any accomplishment for me to shout about. How much can I do in a month's time? But the Iron Butterfly continues to push me; a month or not a month, it’s not an excuse. Ramadhan season where everyone is fasting and people tend to buy less from my categories – that is not an excuse either! The Iron Butterfly really expects me to fly and deliver the goods ASAP. I’m already started to stutter! And that is not a good sign because it means that I’m starting to be out of the track; not on track. I felt fidgety at work. I feel like I’m constantly watching my back - like the other shoe’s going to drop. I feel worried and my brows are furrowed.

“Guillermo spoke well of you”
“Guillermo have a very good impression about you”
The Iron Butterfly and Rufus have gotten this feedback on my work performance & attitude from Guillermo. Sigh…I’m not really that good. I wish I were more intelligent.
I wish I was more steady and firm; like Celtic. Let me tell you, I can take a very long time to decide what I want. I have to consider all the pros and cons, imagine the consequences of each choice, go back & forth on all of my options, think and rethink. Then I get frustrated and think WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE ANYWAY? WHY CAN’T I HAVE BOTH? It’s one of my most distinctive personality traits. One that I’m constantly working on. I wouldn’t call it a BAD thing. It just slows me down sometimes. I am proud to say that I’m definitely getting much better at it. Decision making, that is. Working out what is actually important. Working out what I want, in an appropriate amount of time.

:( I hate Iron Butterfly.

about a girl

The big, big, big boss of The English called me…whether I’m interested in exploring my career opportunities with them. I don’t see a need and I can’t find a reason why I should leave my current space. Besides, I will end my journey here. I want to earn the money, save them and do what I want to do later on. I want more time to pursue my other interests and socialised like there is no tomorrow :) I’d like to read more books, do some photography, listen to more music, watch more plays/movies, see more live bands, shopping, visiting art galleries & attending parties. I wouldn’t have been able to if I had a gigantic workload and feeling tired all the time. I need to prioritize.

Work schedule seems heavier by the day where I have to rush, implement & execute all of the ideas, the projects and strategic changes as fast as I could...then, I’ll have something to show to Rufus, and to myself. So much to think about and plan. Accept the cards that I’m dealt with. This is one of the rare moments where I know what I’m doing but have no control over the time that is running away so fast. I’m a wee bit ticked off with myself for it, but at the same time I’m happy. I’d have to work on getting my work experiences up to par with the others.
At times, I’m beginning to doubt myself - am I the right person for this job? Or I am where I am today is by sheer luck? I obviously lack the skills and everything else involved. I don’t have what it takes. They know it. Maybe I’m more suited towards administrative-type-routine role, where I aimlessly doing data-entry and file things whenever people want me to; a menial type of job. That should be what I’m looking for - instead of this. I’ll bring the entire house down the longer I stay. But with a challenging task ahead, I’m willing to learn and work :)

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

HoneyMadu

(Gaaaawd, I’m going to DIE from this cuteness overload)

Thankfully, the directors and producers make Wall-E irrepressibly charming, cute, lovable and adorable because during the first 20 minutes, he’s all you’ll get to watch in the movie trundle around a desolate, rubbish-filled Earth. Looking like a cross between R2-D2 and Short Circuit’s Johnny Five, Wall-E is undeniably one of the cutest robots ever created for the big screen. With his expressive binocular-like eyes, his square box shape and his cute R2-D2 like “vocal chords”, it’s hard not to go ‘awwwwww’ as you watch the little thing :)

Wall-E is set in the 20th century, a future where mankind has polluted Earth to such an extent that the humans had to leave the planet behind and are now living in the outer space aboard a massive luxury space liners. All that’s left behind on the planet (besides the huge amount of trash) is our plucky little mechanical hero, Wall-E (short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter – Earth Class). The last of his kind left functioning, he has spent 700 years doing the same job over and over again; which is cleaning up the mess on Earth and making the planet liveable again for the human beings. By and by, a futuristic robot named EVE (Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator) comes along and Wall-E falls in love with her. Yes, robots can love :)
In terms of storyline – I rate it 5 stars out of 10. It’s mature but the movie remains largely dialogue-free; with hardly any spoken words during the first 40 minutes…making it a little bit boring.
Technical vice – excellent! It’s just so rich. Because it’s more like a silent movie, it relies on the visual language – the tilt of the head, the angle of the binoculars…all those little things tell you something about the character’s viewpoint.

Saya Anak Malaysia

Happy Birthday Malaysia :)

Toasting To A Bright Future

rubber ducky

Assortment/Range/Pricing Review - I’ll take each step slowly, one by one. A lot has happened in the last one month. It’s been a helluva roller coaster ride. I am fighting fire with fire everyday. Every corner I take, I experience minor setbacks. Every page I flip, I get a major heart attack. The more I dig, the more shit I find. And I’m right here…..to experience it all. Life is a wonderful thing indeed!
But the upside - in the office, I'm diligently learning the ropes from my seniors, learning all the tips and tricks they use in business, learning how to negotiate a deal, as well as understanding all the legal and accounting terms involved.
But I’m fucking tired. It’s been a long week and I’m feeling fatigued and like a hollow reed snapped in half. I’m trying my best to see a different side of things, but it’s time for this phase of my life. I know I’ll learn to appreciate all of this someday :)

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.

Team Baz

Work Tales – my third week on the job, and it felt like 3 months! Nonetheless, I thank GOD for Rufus. And I’m nominating and encouraging Celtic to go for the top post as well. Celtic has always been plagued by a “wanting to achieve something”. A yearning to stand out of the crowd in a special way. And for someone who is only 28 years old, Celtic is very smart and capable. So, I think it will be a very good platform for Celtic.
Why not myself? And who am I? Absolutely nobody. Just plain old yingze :)
I can sit back and envy others, or I can try to make a difference. I can focus on my inadequacies and insecurities, or I can work to be significant in my very own special way.
So, I choose to live as well as I can. My life is how I choose to live it :)

Meanwhile, so many things have happened.
Tommy have finally resigned and went back home to Sabah. How could The English bully my dear Tommy? :( Tommy is very competent, casual, humble; with understated confidence. The OA dept really loss an anchor. Tommy can go far and rises like a shooting star. The English really don’t know how to appreciate M13 human resources.
There is a new addition in Haakon’s household :)
Guillermo have resigned as well.
Finally I manage to dig out that The Bitch is actually attached with The English in the Commodity Division.
Pietro remains unemployed.
I’ve been told that Atticus is still waiting for me. Not sure how true is it. Secretly (crossing fingers) – I’m hoping that The English will buy over The French. Then, I wouldn’t mind joining forces with Atticus for the Integration Project.
GOD, I feel so lucky. Thank you! Thank you!

I haven’t made any solid plans yet, just a to do list. A year with The French is more than sufficient for me. Even if I’m to stay in this industry, I will be exploring new territories and trying out something new. I’m looking forward in dealing more with the corporate side and at the same time, to get some needed balance in my life. I want to go back to school. I feel like traveling. I want to travel and see faraway places. I also want to climb Mount Kinabalu. I discovered my joy too late in life - but I need to remember that it’s never too late to learn :)

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all" -- Laura Ingalls Wilder

Oh my God, how did I escape that one?

Damn, I'm getting old.

It’s the "Quarter-Life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know about and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are right now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with, are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really that cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are just as confused as you are.

You look at your job...and it is not even that close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom again and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try to and cling on to the past with your dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing much you can do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know him better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over again, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone who is reading this, relates to it just as well. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

**Will stop waiting for things to happen, and instead make it happen myself.

misery loves company

Dr Meredith Grey's version of the importance of taking risks and trying:

'A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong?
What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves.
We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying'.

sempurna

I love Malaysia! Why?...Because of these… :)

(1) Mamak stalls – it’s everywhere, affordable and convenient for hours of lepak; which is the essence of the Malaysian culture.
(2) Holidays for all the major races in Malaysia.
(3) The indigenous tribes of Malaysia; no where in the world where you can find parents persuading their children to get a cool Iban tattoo.
(4) We’ve got the climate that the Westerners are dying for.
(5) Nearly everyone in Malaysia can speak English; thus its easy to get around.
(6) Everyone can speak Bahasa Malaysia; and that’s just cool.
(7) The different dialects in Malaysia are so unique; its like being in a different country.
(8) Nasi Lemak, Roti Canai, Laksa – what’s not to love?
(9) The history of the Grand Malacca and the struggles of our nation’s 1957 Independence.
(10) KL Tower & the Petronas Twin Tower – they looked extra awesome at night.
(11) Plenty of good ‘DVD bargains’ around.
(12) Shopping malls galore that meets everyone’s budget.
(13) Lion dances – pretty…and loud.
(14) Open houses.
(15) The Muhibah Spirit.
(16) Taman Negara in Pahang – we have a thousand-years old rainforests.
(17) Baju Kebaya, Cheongsam, Sari – traditional and sexy.
(18) Orang Utan :)
(19) Jimmy Choo, Zang Toi, Michelle Yeoh, Alex Yoong, Nicol David.
(20) Tan Sri P.Ramlee. Now that’s a legend.
(21) For the spirit of Malaysia Boleh!
(22) Durians!
(23) Gunung Kinabalu.
(24) We have a King and Sultans that reigns in each state (and the Prime Minister who rules) – a very unique coalition system.

my love will get myself home

These are my daily adventures - Fun. Serious. Fast. Slow. Brainy. Bimbotic. Intense. Lazy. You get the drift. But I’m the eternal optimist. The peacemaker :) Our life is an occasion! Let’s rise to it.

*I have decided – whether I make it or I don’t make it; whether I succeed or failed; in one’s years time…my journey ends here. M13 - what I found was magic, and I have lost everything when I left.

Love seeks the good of the beloved

Tired. Tired. Tired.
Nonetheless, am thankful for the gift of life :)

Boil porridge with a sibling or two

Beijing 08.08.08 Olympics!
The symbol above - it’s the seed of a strong, signature image. Proud! :)

Stay Tuned

in conjunction with this Merdeka month:
(i think this song should be make as Malaysia’s 51st birthday theme song) :)

HERE IN MY HOME
- Words & Music by Pete Teo featuring rap by KLG Sqwad & Altimet

Hold on brother hold on
The road is long. We’re on stony ground
But I’m strong. You ain’t heavy

Oh there’s a misspoken truth that lies
Colors don’t bind, oh no
What do they know? They speak falsely

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what its all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?

Push back sister won’t you push back?
Love won’t wait. Just keep pushing on
Yes I’m strong. You ain’t heavy
Oh don’t you worry about that…
What we have shadows can’t deny

Don’t you know it’s now or never?

Rap
[Bahasa Malaysia]
Bertubi asakan berkurun lamanya
Hati ke depan mencari yang sayang
translation: Years of fears and years of tribulation
The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion

[Mandarin]
shou qian shou da jia yi qi zou
wo dai biao hua ren kai kou wei lai jiu mei you diu zou
translation: Hand in hand we’ll march like blood brothers
I speak for my people we’ll find peace forever

[Tamil]
in the payanam payanamm yen vettri thaagam
anthee kaana kaalam naam vetri raagam...nanba nanba
translation: May the road ahead quench my thirst for success
May the road behind echo a song of the blessed

[English]
Yes I feel it in my bones and I will let it be known
No matter where I roam this is home sweet home
Sing!

Is it seriously over rated and anti-climatic?

Malaysia politics at the moment – it’s like a circus.

All the rakyat wants is a good government.
I understand that the Barisan Nasional cannot accept that they have lost, that they no longer has the majority of the parliament seats – facts that are hard to digest but life have to go on. They have to adapt. Stop the internal bickering! Why want the Prime Minister to step down by the end of this year? Because he failed in leading the March 2008 elections to victory? He needs to take responsibility for it? If it’s so…then every minister should step down. How sure is everyone that the Deputy Prime Minister can lead the BN to triumph in the next elections? I don’t care whether the DPM is involved in the Mongolian murder case or not; but the damage has already been done, his credibility is in doubt, his image tarnished. The DPM cannot immediately ascend the PM throne. There has to be a transition period where things take place in a scheduled manner. It’s the only way things can be arranged properly. If the handover is done by this year end – I think it’s a rush of things.

And what’s this about secret discussions with PAS in forming governments in Opposition states? UMNO merging with PAS? PAS is pro-Islamic theocracy while UMNO is more liberal. You think all the Wanita UMNO can live with PAS hudud laws? They will gaduh :)

Then there is the very ambitious Anwar Ibrahim with his second alleged sodomy scandal and his plans to form the next government by Sept 16. I don’t think he is that careless to commit the sodomy crime for the second time after what happen in 1998 (if indeed he is that 'type'). Forming the next government? Bolehkah? Not an act of vengeance? Courageous enough to rub the NEP off the whiteboard?

History is a classic example of human error. We are our own downfall.
With all these talk on politics around the country these days, I’m not too sure where I stand anymore :(

Duniaku, Selamanya

Yesterday was my first day reporting for duty at The French camp – we had a whole day (0900 – 1800) of Orientation at their Sri Petaling area office conducted by a very bubbly HR chick called Siti.
The first part of the program, we watched their corporate video, then each of us (the newbies) has to do a self-introduction, we listened to Siti’s presentation on the establishment’s vision, the organization chart, the committee members, the steering committee, corporate strategies, corporate identity, past achievements, up-coming projects, the various divisions, HR issues and lectures on business securities and IT.
Overall, it was educational – a very professionally done Orientation.
Heck, they are in the top 500 fortune companies; that means there is a certain level of professionalism & business etiquette expectations.
I also bumped into Peggy, Khanti and Sho (ex-M13) :)
Then Guillermo texted me that The English have bought over The French and have already signed the MOU. I can only say – that I’m destined to work with the English.

* I loved to drown myself in the silence - surrounded by my thoughts, dreams and fantasies :) You forget about yourself. Your silly little problems. Your layers of burdens that revolve around you you you. It puts your life into a larger context. It gives you meaning :)

keyed

Grey’s Anatomy Season 4! :)
The interns have become residents at last except for George O’Malley…poor George will have to start fresh again after failing his exams…but their life remains as messy as ever. And entertaining to watch.

Addison took off for California and the challenges of a ‘Private Practice’.

Burke left Christina (and Seattle) when he realize that their marriage wasn’t meant to be. I love Christina character – even though at times it was a very typical Asian character. She looked into every detail, she fixed every problem, she took care of everything, she was so initiative, organized, enthusiastic, reliable and creative! She was incredible! Plus very ambitious to a certain extent where she will do anything to get what she wants; including hurting her friends and she doesn’t give a damn about it. You won’t be able to forgive such a woman. Christina is a great doc but only lacks one thing – compassion. This is where she needs to learn from Izzie. No doubt being a surgeon is about excellent technical hand skills but the personal human touch plays a role of its own as well.

Then there is the never-ending-story-on-and-off relationship between Meredith and Derek. I love Yang, I Love Bailey, heck; I even love Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. I love the rest of the doctor squad (hot, young, smart, sexy despite how ridiculous it is that the doctors all sleep with each other) but oh my gosh…how on earth did Meredith Grey become the leading lady is freaking beyond me. The fragile, squeaky-voice, hesitant character. I think Meredith should have hook-up with Finn (the vet)...with McDreamy, I think it’s all about the sex and not the relationship. She may be addicted to it. The arrival of Meredith’s half-sister Lexie as the new intern – more tense situations are coming in between the siblings. Probably fighting over Derek.

George broke up with his wife Callie and has an affair with his best friend Izzie. Izzie is in her prime now…after the disastrous relationship with Alex, Danny Duquette (a patient who’s awaiting a heart transplant) – I think Izzie’s love with George is permanent. And it was touching to see Callie to bow out and let them go. When things are not meant to be, you have to let it go.

Dr. Miranda Bailey – The Nazi for her abrasive treatment of the interns :)
The rules of residency become the rules of life:
Rule #1: Always keep score.
Rule #2: Do whatever you can to outsmart the other guy.
Rule #3: Don’t make friends with the enemy.

* I don’t know why we put things off. But if I have to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, any decision, because what if you’re wrong?

* See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. Once in a while people may even take your breath away. That’s what you have to believe.

a chaotic remembrance

getting high; running wild among all the stars above :)

Winter Run

Private Practice – ok, so it’s not as hot, sexy, steamy and scandalous compare to their counterparts in Grey’s Anatomy but I really enjoyed this dramedy :) It’s definitely lighter and more buoyant. Less complicated. More maturity.

I’ve always like Kate Walsh’s character – the renowned surgeon Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. I was rooting for her to get back her husband; Derek. Addison is not a bitch; she is trying to save her marriage and after all she is human, human makes mistakes. She really loves Derek. Her affairs with Dr. Mark ‘McSteamy’ Sloan was just pure lust. Addison is one smart woman. Passionate, intelligent, brave, stylish, driven - exactly the kind of person that makes medicine exciting! She is way better than Meredith Grey who is clueless and indecisive. Grey needs adult guidance in relationship. It’s sad that Addison has to leave Seattle Grace Hospital but I’m very sure this character will grow stronger in Oceanside Wellness Center in Santa Monica. Addison is a changed person for the better, tone down a little…even though I do missed the sarcastic side of her.
And i'm looking forward to her relationship with Dr. Pete Wilder; alternative medicine specialist played by Tim Daly. Addison is going to heal Pete from his emotional devastation brought about by his wife’s tragic demise 8 years earlier and Pete will provide stability (and hopefully babies) in Addison’s life :)
And not to be forgotten Dell (Chris Lowell) – the eye-candy male receptionist that have the killer washboard abs whose ultimate ambition is to be a mid-wife!
(Heart & Soul) :)

# I have made my fair share of mistakes and wrong decisions. Mistakes can happen to everyone, but is important to get over it and keep working harder and harder. I’m a big girl and have big character & its down to me to deal with it.

Test Tube

Baby sis…no its Dr. Sis who…my sister thinks that I may have…minor OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)…in the form of…I tend to wash my hands very often…more that the average ordinary people. I don’t wash my hands until they turn red and coarse…I just wash them…frequently…because…I think there is bacteria on them…and when I have anxiety or depression in between…I tend to develop a common cold because…apparently when I suppress my emotions…the pile-up emotions will trigger my body to…have physical illness…well, that’s what baby sis’s psychology lecturer said in her class today.

Well, as long as this disorder is not critical where I need medical attention…I’m fine with it. But it makes me realize, that I need to overcome them…take care of my emotional health better. I was having a really hard time with everyone’s (including myself) behavior, defiance, moods, and bad attitudes. It was going on for weeks and I was close to insanity at one point. I was stuck in a rut that was quickly spiraling downwards…and everything has settled down now. And yes, it was all just a normal part of growing up. It was a phase.

* My thoughts are swirling with reminders and to-dos. Time is getting tighter :(

I never fished. I would always sit and watch.

My new toy has arrived – BKA 6503 :)
I’m so used to driving in the old faithful…I find it awkward in driving around with the new toy…but I’m going to overcome, re-learn and enjoy the whole process.

O’Briens – dinner with Thor, May Leng, Miss Foong, Olave and Celtic.
Unfortunately Seth and Guillermo couldn’t join us and we bump into Boss on the way there.
We had a yummy dinner with lots of gourmet coffee, Irish sandwiches, juices, chips, noises, giggles, squeals and laughter. It was a fantastic evening out with friends! The girly and motherly bonding.

on the road

I bumped into Nisti Jihan the other day - we were not classmates but we were in the same primary and secondary school & we had shared the same mutual friends.
We chatted…and it brings back so many memories. I left SMKSSAAS back in 1999 with some awesome memories, not-so-kick-ass report cards, cherished friendships and embarrassing teenage crushes :) I had heaps of friends - but they were all from different groups. So I just drifted from group to group. The pot-smoking arty group, the brainy library group, the elite popular trendy group, the cool intelligent and the slightly eccentric group. The good old days…I was happy, mellow, exhausted, satisfied. It’s such an opulent luxury.

But look at me now…the life’s obstacles that I went through for the last 3 years, I’m worn out – well, I treat them like the awesome battle scars of a real woman :)

take time to realize

Calmer and saner in real life is admirable, but I bet that would make for a duller living experience for me :)

Nothing Last Forever

Celtic drops da’bomb.
I drop da’bomb :)
HouseHold starts together, ends together.
Yes, finally…we are parting ways…however; we will meet again in The French camp…but in different division.
No doubt that Celtic will take the biggest, most attractive & highly anticipated category in the regime…while I’ve been assigned to the least significant of territories, I’m just glad that this time around I can step out on my own.
[If you’re not big enough to lose, you’re not big enough to win – Walter Reuther]

(Madonna: Take A Bow)

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart
I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Say good-bye

a million love songs

I forgot to blog this – Troy came down to KL last weekend! :) We had an incredible time! We had so much fun!

We shopped at 1 Utama the whole day…bought some household & DIY essentials for Troy’s house, had yummy Japanese food for lunch & dinner, passing the glittery windows of the many boutiques, watching all the people in their nice clothes, bought chocolates, we walked, we chatted and we laughed noisily :)

Later in the night; we curl ourselves on the big comfy couch, sipping hot tea and talked endlessly until 2am before going to bed. We talked about certain things, certain issues, what's in our heads, what's in our hearts, what's stopping us, what's moving us, our insecurities and etc.
I hope the advice that I have given to Troy is inspiring, to a certain extend motivates Troy to come out from the comfort zone. The Troy I knows is uninhibited and unrestrained but we must realized that people can and will change. I’m sure Troy is a little bit upset with me because Troy have been rudely told off by me…but sometimes the only way we can admit the truth is when the truth is spoken out loud where we can hear it loud and clear :) I’m very sure Troy have done the very best to implement change, perhaps it was just not enough or not at the right time. But I’m very sure that at the end of the day, Troy will do the right thing which is the best for everyone.

Life is simple and easy; not complicated. Things are messy because we make it so :)

everyday is a blessing

I am in a very reflective mood today. Lots to think about :)

Time has passed - I truthfully think and accept the fact that Celtic is a better leader. I will never be like Celtic. But in my own role…I believe I have my own appeal :) I really feel like I was really able to be very free and raw and true. But the most important thing I learned was to accept how little I know or need to know, to give up some of the strong negative feelings and just trust. Trust my gut. I’m not a particularly intuitive person…I’m a list-maker :)

The French – I have always said that my life is a fluke. The rewards that I received are not through hard work but by chances. I don’t know. I just tend to see my life that way. GOD; I thank you for everything. In my darkest hours, you have walked with me and help me to pull through. I’m humbled. I fear arrogance on my part. It is easy to be arrogant. Human beings are so flawed. We are so prone to being arrogant.
I will walk down a new road in August – I will put myself in an unusual environment or an environment that I’m not used to…I’m going to learn something new, more about myself, how to cope, learn to compromise and be comfortable with the unknown.

Follow your heart. Never compare yourself to anyone else. Never put yourself down. Thank yourself for getting you where you are and never give up – Salma Hayek.

field of miracles

Spain WON! :)

a boy who thinks he can

Germany tops Turkey 3-2; into the Euro 2008 final :) Yay!

That’s the third and ‘killer’ goal from young German hotshot Philipp Lahm. The Germans nailed it.

Spain beat Russia 3-0 this morning :) Whee! What a phenomenon.

The Finals: Clash of the titans. Go Spain! :)

The Spanish Connection

Spain beat Italy :) Whee!

My choice of Player of the tournament: Cesc Fabregas.
His looks are simply smashing, he is extremely skillful, he is hot and courageous.
He will be the next Raul; or even better.
Go Spain! :) You guys are no longer the underdogs – truly a genuine contender now.

Go Fresh

Euro 2008 – I have not been following the tournament as closely as I want it to be on the telly…due to the time difference; but hopefully I will be able to catch the finals. For me, it’s been a very disappointing tournament overall. Portugal was the favorite; unfortunately Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t live up to the expectations. The Manchester United winger has become bigger, stronger, fiercer and more effective with his recent forms in the EPL and Champions League…but he didn’t establish himself well to score the critical goals in the Euro.
I was also hoping that France will be able to beat Italy this time around, but they too failed. I think it’s time to say goodbye to the veterans such as Patrick Vieira, Lilian Thuram & Thierry Henry…the French need bright youngsters like Frank Ribery to create the magic again.
Holland’s brilliant up-rising performance has been an interesting surprise but they too fell in the very last minute. With Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Arjen Robben, Ryan Babel & Robin Van Persie – they definitely have formed another golden generation of the Oranje with good attacking qualities.
Thank goodness, that the Germans pass through - they have a very young & good looking team who plays maturely.
So hopefully, Spain will be able to sail through as well. Fernando Torres has played a vital role in Liverpool and he is definitely looking stronger and sharper than ever. Linking up with Cesc Fabregas, I feel that both of the goal-scorers will be able to provide the finishing touches.
But don’t write off Turkey and Russia yet…they can deliver some unexpected surprises to the game.

Movie: Kung Fu Panda – a good under-panda movie, its funny, the animation is real & technologically impressive, it’s hilarious and very enjoyable. It’s a very inspiring tale of how determination helped the less disadvantaged good guys come up tops against the odds. There is no secret ingredient…it’s all in the mind. Positive Attitude, Positive Thinking, Positive Behavior.

I have big shoes to fill - Let’s Go Fresh! :)

Character-Building Days

(Celtic lied)

The French >> I had been artificially baited, and was gullible enough to bite…but in a way, I think it’s a good thing. I need to make my footsteps in another place, where I know no one, where everything will be safe, where I will be relatively safe :)
They will forever see me as the follower while Celtic is the leader. I’ll live with it...I have to.
I’m the least competitive and ambitious person in the room…but whenever it comes to Celtic, I began to compete very aggressively…I don’t know why…maybe because Celtic always makes me feel small and inferior in front of everyone…that is why I want to & I have to; proof to Celtic and to them that I am not that weak.

I know what I need to do. I need to disentangle myself…I cannot let this competitiveness between the 2 of us drags me down. It has become a very unhealthy competition; to a certain extent where I feel hurt and I’m not being myself any longer. I don’t want to be a total bitch, which has been happening a lot, really. Celtic can't see my side of it, Celtic ask me to talk but yet Celtic doesn’t listen…Celtic don't listen! Celtic refuses to listen to everything I have to say…my opinions/solutions don’t counts. Even at times if I did tell Celtic, bluntly; Celtic comes up with something to pit against me. It doesn’t make my work fun anymore. And lately, I'm getting really, really tired of it. I'm banging my head against the glass, but it seems unbreakable :(

I suppose that I shall have to wear this mask…there is no possible way I could take it off...for now.